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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just ruined my career haven't I?

323 replies

hopesndrrm · 15/12/2023 02:28

Student social worker, on placement since end of august. Most of my days I have worked from home but have had the odd day in the office where I've worked with loads of the team including team leader.

Tonight went on Xmas night out with them all. Initially I said I wasn't drinking as wanted to stay professional. However, a load of them kept saying 'come on have a drink, let us see the real you, we are all wild etc' so I ended up drinking.

Totally blacked out, have woke up in my living room, fully clothed thank gos but no idea how I got home. I remember we kept switching chairs at the dinner table and at one point me and my team leader touching legs under the table and eye fucking.

I genuinely want to die. This is my career. This is why I didn't want to drink. It's fine if you've already got the job but what about when you are still trying to impress the boss?

I am affronted and 90 percent positive I was feeling the team leader up under the table. I'm meant to be In the office on Monday but there's no way

OP posts:
FrozenGhost · 15/12/2023 02:31

You said you and the TL were touching each other's legs so it was consentual. So what's the problem really? OK a little embarrassing but career ending? Career ending is like you murdered the team leader.

Original poster
hopesndrrm · 15/12/2023 02:35

FrozenGhost · 15/12/2023 02:31

You said you and the TL were touching each other's legs so it was consentual. So what's the problem really? OK a little embarrassing but career ending? Career ending is like you murdered the team leader.

Well he has a wife and young kids. I'm 31, he is 50 odd. Realistically not sure how I can show my face again.

OP posts:
Owlsoutsidethewindow · 15/12/2023 02:35

You can't change it now. Just try to laugh it off, apologise on Monday, and tell everyone this is why you say no to drinking.
You weren't in work time so you haven't ruined your career, you probably just made a bit of a tit of yourself at worst, as I'm sure everyone that was there has done before. Not a sackable offence especially when there aren't enough social workers.

daisychain01 · 15/12/2023 02:38

If you behave the same this time next year, you won't have learned anything.

You need to be independent thinking next time and if you don't want to drink, just tell your colleagues you aren't drinking and don't let them browbeat you into doing something you know won't end well.

for now, put it behind you.

Aintnosupermum · 15/12/2023 02:39

Career ending is you did anal with the TL and sharted all over them.

You are fine. Learn from it. One drink and the rest do ginger ale in a champagne glass or soda with a slice of lime after ordering vodka soda with lime. Leave every event at 9pm, no later.

allitdoesisrain · 15/12/2023 02:39

I'd just go to work and soldier on. I wouldn't bring it up if no-one else does.

Do you have a problem with alcohol? I just wonder since you were avoiding even one drink and went from tee total to black out drunk. There is a lot of ground in between that wouldn't be problematic or unsafe.

PooglesWood · 15/12/2023 02:42

Oof! I feel for you but it might not be as bad as you think you’ve probably got a big case of the beer fear. I used to get this when I used to go out and get shitfaced, it’s horrible! Just brazen it out and make a joke if it. Fingers crossed it will be ok.

MeMySonAnd1 · 15/12/2023 02:47

Pretend you don’t remember anything, if he was feeling your leg under the table too I am pretty sure he won’t risk being suspended and problems with his wife just to joke about it.

Next time, if you don’t want to drink, just don’t drink. I don’t understand people who say “I was forced to drink” when nobody was shoving alcohol down their throat. Next time say “no thank you”, then make a joke, change the conversation or remove yourself from the situation rather than agreeing to do something you don’t want to do.

thebestinterest · 15/12/2023 03:03

You and TL were feeling each other up in front of your coworkers? What? And he’s married????

littleannennt · 15/12/2023 03:05

Why are you flirting with an old man? Weird and yes, embarrassing.
You are immature and possibly have an issue with booze/boundaries/people pleasing and self esteem.
But honestly, it was a drunken mistake, you're not the first, you won't be the last to make a tit of themselves at a works night out - it's practically the law that someone has to.
Just don't do it again, you've had your turn.

Mylittlepea · 15/12/2023 03:14

I think many of us have been there & done that getting shitfaced at a work outing. To be fair, they pressured you into drinking - next time stand your ground and don’t drink if you don’t want to.

Career breaker? - absolutely not. Go in on Monday with your head held up high & crack on like nothing happened. If the subject comes up, just brazen it out with a ‘breezy’ - yeah, I had loads to drink, don’t remember much, won’t be doing that again with you lot!

Devonshiregal · 15/12/2023 03:37

littleannennt · 15/12/2023 03:05

Why are you flirting with an old man? Weird and yes, embarrassing.
You are immature and possibly have an issue with booze/boundaries/people pleasing and self esteem.
But honestly, it was a drunken mistake, you're not the first, you won't be the last to make a tit of themselves at a works night out - it's practically the law that someone has to.
Just don't do it again, you've had your turn.

Can we not with the ageism. These dreaded ‘50 year olds’ have to work, have a life, pay bills, look after families and it’s these comments which perpetuate the myth that causes ageism in the workplace and makes it incredibly difficult for discrimination not to impact people’s opportunities and therefore lives.

alohaa · 15/12/2023 03:47

Devonshiregal · 15/12/2023 03:37

Can we not with the ageism. These dreaded ‘50 year olds’ have to work, have a life, pay bills, look after families and it’s these comments which perpetuate the myth that causes ageism in the workplace and makes it incredibly difficult for discrimination not to impact people’s opportunities and therefore lives.

Show quote history

Sorry but I laughed at how earnest your rant was! I think the ageism was more with regards to 50 year olds eye fucking a young woman, than them existing in the workplace

Heybearu · 15/12/2023 03:54

Arhgh poor tou!
You can get through this though!
Deep breaths you can get through this and have a great career. Just stop at one next time :).

Mummymummy89 · 15/12/2023 03:56

The team leader is absolutely the main person in the wrong here. Shockingly so

icallitasplodge · 15/12/2023 04:00

social workers are wild though. I doubt any of them will judge you for it. Unless you were a client of theirs in which case it’d be different.

Bellavida99 · 15/12/2023 04:04

With the shortage of social workers it’s definitely not career ending you might just feel embarrassed as you walk into office on Monday morning. But next time definitely don’t drink. You’re young it’s fine as long as you don’t have a repeat next time you’re out

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 15/12/2023 04:04

Laugh it off and get back to it. Lesson learned

cerisepanther73 · 15/12/2023 04:26

I think it's knowing your boundaries are and sticking to them and still having a laugh and lovely good time

WiddlinDiddlin · 15/12/2023 04:26

Mmm... not necessarily ruined but, what you do from here on out, may be the decider.

Style it out, head held high, 'don't remember a THING but I did warn you why I was avoiding the drink folks!' and then drop it.

If anyone brings up anything, head tilt, pick a laugh for it 'Oh did I, oops!' and again, move on.

It will be old news by lunchtime if you do this - if you hide, lurk, shuffle around in shame, protest and grovel and so on, it will drag on.

Savedpassword · 15/12/2023 04:29

I’m more interested in what type of student social work placement involves working from home.

’Misses point of thread entirely’

Gettingfedupgrrrr · 15/12/2023 04:37

Did something similar years and years ago but senior married male colleague whom I had NO interest in, just started kissing me, thankfully in my drunken state I brushed him off, it was still very embarrassing and I just went into work and claimed I remembered nothing of the night, but def was very cool with my manager, he was equally embarrassed/cool with me. Thank god I was leaving soon after.

A few years before this I went to a works party and had a few too many drinks and was a bit too honest with my not very nice manager. It wasn't anything too bad but caused some mirth among my colleagues who found her equally unpleasant. The outcome of both these incidents meant I never drink when socialising with colleagues. Learned my lesson, when sober you see and hear, all sorts, of simmering resentments, inappropriate feelings and just all out dislikes come out... best avoided in my now old opinion. You're a student it isn't career ending and you will get over it...with a bit of luck someone else may have stolen your thunder and done something very funny or embarrassing too. 😊

Luckingfovely · 15/12/2023 04:41

Everyone else was pissed too, and will be worrying about their own behaviour / dealing with their own hangover / wishing it was them in your position, or a multitude of other possibilities!

As everyone wisely says, hold head high and rise above it. This is a super common story up and down the country at Christmas dos everywhere.

Chalk it up as a lesson and move on Smile

cerisepanther73 · 15/12/2023 04:41

To be fair,
Also think the more mentally psychologically demanding draining a job career it is going to ,
then understandably naturally whenever they get the opportunities to let their hair down and have a bit of laugh and fun,
they make the most of it,
hardly susprisely

@icallitasplodge

I didn't know Social workers celebrating or having a night out had a reputation for being wild akin to medical students L.o.l 😂and i can amagine Law students too,

Rember that fictional 90s tv drama of the hormonal filled complex dramas filled love lives of trainee students in all house sharing

It was a popular series back in the day and was famous for its intense up close interactive editing tv style,
that was consirdered quute innovative back then,
so you work feel as a viewer more focussed in the tv drama series,
Famous Character had nickname Egg, something very quirky as that,
Just like the tv series The Peep show style of interactive up close intense style of editing spotlight on the main two characters the flat mates .

cerisepanther73 · 15/12/2023 04:42

oops typo omission house situation *