Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just ruined my career haven't I?

323 replies

hopesndrrm · 15/12/2023 02:28

Student social worker, on placement since end of august. Most of my days I have worked from home but have had the odd day in the office where I've worked with loads of the team including team leader.

Tonight went on Xmas night out with them all. Initially I said I wasn't drinking as wanted to stay professional. However, a load of them kept saying 'come on have a drink, let us see the real you, we are all wild etc' so I ended up drinking.

Totally blacked out, have woke up in my living room, fully clothed thank gos but no idea how I got home. I remember we kept switching chairs at the dinner table and at one point me and my team leader touching legs under the table and eye fucking.

I genuinely want to die. This is my career. This is why I didn't want to drink. It's fine if you've already got the job but what about when you are still trying to impress the boss?

I am affronted and 90 percent positive I was feeling the team leader up under the table. I'm meant to be In the office on Monday but there's no way

OP posts:
PrincessHoneysuckle · 15/12/2023 07:58

Career ending is you did anal with the TL and sharted all over them.

🤣🤣🤣 This

PrincessHoneysuckle · 15/12/2023 08:00

Well.it could be worse.Dh paralytic colleague offered the MD and HR a fight at dhs Christmas do 😳

MargotBamborough · 15/12/2023 08:00

Aintnosupermum · 15/12/2023 02:39

Career ending is you did anal with the TL and sharted all over them.

You are fine. Learn from it. One drink and the rest do ginger ale in a champagne glass or soda with a slice of lime after ordering vodka soda with lime. Leave every event at 9pm, no later.

< throws toast with Nutella in the bin >

Thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2023 08:01

OP I work for a middle-sized company and every single one of the SLT has at one point or another had a hideously embarrassing drunken lapse of judgement. One of the company's two (female) leaders once got so drunk at a Christmas party she had to be carried into a taxi and escorted home by three members of staff then spent the night on a colleague's sofa where she vomited copiously all over the living room. Another was seen snogging and groping a male colleague outside a restaurant.

It happens. Its awful and you will beat yourself up afterwards for days if not weeks. But it happens to almost everyone sometimes. The only real probably with these situations is when you do them twice or three times and don't learn from your mistakes.

Put it behind you and resolve never to do it again. Apologise if you feel you need to but don't make it into a huge drama. Just don't do it again.

Pigeon31 · 15/12/2023 08:02

You haven't done anything that would jeopardise your fitness to practice as a social worker.

Go in on Monday and pretend nothing happened. (Your team leader is the married guy who didn't politely ask you to stop, he's the one with the issue, but that's his problem and not yours). Be the most goddamned professional on the planet. You can do this :)

But absolutely do not talk to him about it -- you all went out on a team Xmas do and got pissed, now you are back at work, end of story.

User1789 · 15/12/2023 08:06

This isn't career-ending because your boss doesn't want to have to bring up just how drunk you were while he was fondling you under the table etc...

However, you are 31, not 21, and sound a little naive. As others on here have said this is something that happens in your 20s with the office sleaze as you don't know better and are obvious prey. But you are old enough to avoid this kind of situation, and I would question why you ended up drinking quite as much as you did.

Neriah · 15/12/2023 08:07

It has happened. You can't change it. But no, you haven't ruined your career. You get up, you go to work, and you LEARN from this never to do it again. You aren't the first person, nor will you be the last, to drink too much at a work do and act like an idiot. The trick is to make sure it is your first and last!

greencheetah · 15/12/2023 08:10

Old lady here…wtf is “eye fucking”?

You obviously shouldn’t be drinking so just learn from this and don’t drink with work colleagues again.

It really doesn’t sound career ending.

Henleymum212 · 15/12/2023 08:13

This happened to a junior at an office party. The senior staff took a grim view, I said you made her drink, you are as much to blame as she is (she fell off a wall and had to be taken to the hospital). Just go to work, say something funny like it must have been wild, but thankfully I don’t remember anything! At the next event just say no sorry I am driving. Nobody will try to force drink on a driver.

notthisagaindear · 15/12/2023 08:16

Mummymummy89 · 15/12/2023 03:56

The team leader is absolutely the main person in the wrong here. Shockingly so

Absolutely! Why are you the one blaming yourself entirely, and worried about your career?

He’s the professionally registered one who, if your account is accurate, was coming on to a younger student who he has a position of power over. Bloody sleeze bag. Seriously hope he was not one of the ones encouraging you to drink.

Your colleagues pressurized you to drink when you said no. All of their behaviour is off.

Yours is the least of it, tbh.

Pigeon31 · 15/12/2023 08:21

Also - I think it's good advice to see this as a learning opportunity, as you are a student.

Find out if there is any training available on alcohol/ drug use (if you are working at a local authority there will be) and ask to get yourself signed up for it.

Smugandproud · 15/12/2023 08:21

Alcohol if invented now would be a restricted drug. I'm so grateful my Christmas do was always a 12 mile drive for me.

You just need to stick to soft drinks next year and not be so easily persuaded.
Nobody cares but judging from all of these replies they do remember years later so don't make a habit of getting drunk.

AdoraBell · 15/12/2023 08:25

I would just say - I’m a lightweight, can’t keep drinking at parties in future.

kkneat · 15/12/2023 08:26

Of course you haven’t, it was a Christmas night out so what if you got drunk & it doesn’t sound like you did anything inappropriate with your team leader, sounds like he was inappropriate & should be the embarrassed one. Do you know how you got home? If someone brought you home I’d send them a quick message to say thanks & that you usually don’t drink that much

CaroleSinger · 15/12/2023 08:26

TO be fair it sounds like your team leader has more to worry about. This is your chance to show them the real you. The fearless one that holds their head up and soldiers on without letting something like this drag them down. These are the sort of things that get forgotten very quickly because nobody else wants to dwell on it either.

Syndulla · 15/12/2023 08:27

Mongrelsrbeautiful · 15/12/2023 04:51

Yes, this is bizarre

Show quote history

Not really. I'm in social services and we can work from home. We still do visits as normal but from home instead of the office.

There's not actually enough desks for us all to be in at the same time.

Hernameisdeborah · 15/12/2023 08:28

Bless you OP! Totally empathise but I really don't think for a second it was career ending. As others have said, rise above it. I have just had a fairly similar experience at a work meet up. I wasn't going to drink but it's so easy to give in and think "fuck it" when everyone else is cheerfully tipsy and encouraging you to get into the festive spirit with them. Three (or four?) glasses of red wine later, on an empty stomach, and I had to be helped back to my hotel room with hardly any memory of how I got there. I've been a cringing, shame-filled wreck all week. Lesson learned for us both OP - stick to our guns, soft drinks are our friends xxx

tootiredtoocare · 15/12/2023 08:28

Chances are he's feeling just as stupid, and probably terrified that you'll say something, he's married, and your boss, after all. Shut up, stand up, if anything's said, say, I told you I shouldn't drink. Also, don't drink.

Wolfpa · 15/12/2023 08:32

You will be fine, go in with your head held high and have a laugh about it to get through. People will soon move on.

Next time be aware of your limits when drinking and make sure you get a plan getting home safely

CaroleSinger · 15/12/2023 08:32

Aintnosupermum · 15/12/2023 02:39

Career ending is you did anal with the TL and sharted all over them.

You are fine. Learn from it. One drink and the rest do ginger ale in a champagne glass or soda with a slice of lime after ordering vodka soda with lime. Leave every event at 9pm, no later.

Career ending is you did anal with the TL and sharted all over them.

Yikes. I'm guessing you've ended a few careers then?😳

Oaktree55 · 15/12/2023 08:35

This is not bad or embarrassing I’d say the opposite you likely made an excellent career move. Nobody else will be thinking about it as much as you most will have been drunk so won’t recall. Forget it.

Savedpassword · 15/12/2023 08:35

Syndulla · 15/12/2023 08:27

Not really. I'm in social services and we can work from home. We still do visits as normal but from home instead of the office.

There's not actually enough desks for us all to be in at the same time.

Show quote history

When did social workers working from home become common place? And if you’re supervising a student how/where/when do you facilitate all of the objectives reviews/goal setting/reflection/asessment etc. And most importantly how do you act as a mentor and a ROLE MODEL for a student who is sitting in their bedroom whilst you sit in yours?

listsandbudgets · 15/12/2023 08:36

let it be OP. in my early 20s, I once woke up at 5am tucked up on someone's sofa woth a bucket next to me. Apparently I was so out of it they bundled ke in.the9r back seat and had to get.tjeir.wofe.to help.carry me in, force me.to.drink a pint of.water and.then left me.on sofa. at 8am they bought me tea amd toast..

The company director really was a lovely bloke and I got promoted the following year .. apparently the directors expected the juniors.to get rather inebriated and I wasn't the only ine in a directors sofa...

jenny38 · 15/12/2023 08:41

You are a student social worker. You are not the only one who should have had better boundaries. He is in a position of power. Go in on Monday, brazen it out, say you had the hangover from hell and can't remember the later part if the night. This is why you don't usually drink. We've all been there, you didn't wake up with the boss the next morning so keep it in perspective.

Viviennemary · 15/12/2023 08:43

The point is It's happened. Absolutely go in on Monday. And don't drink again. You just don't drink. Make up whatever reasons you like. Religion, medication anything. And it's only a placement so you're not there forever.

Swipe left for the next trending thread