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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I've just ruined my career haven't I?

323 replies

hopesndrrm · 15/12/2023 02:28

Student social worker, on placement since end of august. Most of my days I have worked from home but have had the odd day in the office where I've worked with loads of the team including team leader.

Tonight went on Xmas night out with them all. Initially I said I wasn't drinking as wanted to stay professional. However, a load of them kept saying 'come on have a drink, let us see the real you, we are all wild etc' so I ended up drinking.

Totally blacked out, have woke up in my living room, fully clothed thank gos but no idea how I got home. I remember we kept switching chairs at the dinner table and at one point me and my team leader touching legs under the table and eye fucking.

I genuinely want to die. This is my career. This is why I didn't want to drink. It's fine if you've already got the job but what about when you are still trying to impress the boss?

I am affronted and 90 percent positive I was feeling the team leader up under the table. I'm meant to be In the office on Monday but there's no way

OP posts:
katepilar · 16/12/2023 20:57

MeMySonAnd1 · 15/12/2023 02:47

Pretend you don’t remember anything, if he was feeling your leg under the table too I am pretty sure he won’t risk being suspended and problems with his wife just to joke about it.

Next time, if you don’t want to drink, just don’t drink. I don’t understand people who say “I was forced to drink” when nobody was shoving alcohol down their throat. Next time say “no thank you”, then make a joke, change the conversation or remove yourself from the situation rather than agreeing to do something you don’t want to do.

Actually its sometimes really hard to stick to your non-drinking as people can be really pushy and some keep giving you the dring despite you saying no several time. I have been there. And I really dont drink, half a glass at most very occasionallly, so its not like I keep saying no just because I decided I should not drink nad find saying no hard.

Thefsm · 17/12/2023 04:56

I hope you’ve ruined both your careers. Just like you tried to ruin his wife and kids lives. Alcohol is no excuse whatsoever for either of you. Grow up.

Ukrainebaby23 · 17/12/2023 05:08

Smile, style it out, say nothing, if anyone comments, 'sorry I think I might have got a bit tipsy and don't really recall', but I hope everyone got home OK ' smile again.
Don't debate it, change the subject, move on.

hellhavenofury35 · 17/12/2023 07:23

Qualified social worker who do practice teaching...its bad but hiding doesn't show maturity. Placements are all about learning. Go into the office as usual, if he says anything deal with it. It could affect uour placement as you have to life the social work values but we all makes mistakes. Maybe also have a word with yourself about your drinking.

Getmeoutofheere · 17/12/2023 08:57

Yup . Having started remotely at social services can confirm it’s shocking.

ssd · 17/12/2023 09:21

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 15/12/2023 07:53

I once told a manager what I thought of him at the Christmas party. He wasn't a horrible person, but he was an awful, lazy manager.

I'd forgotten all about it until about three weeks later when I received a birthday card signed by all my colleagues. He'd signed it "Crap Boss" and it all came flooding back 🤣

Thats brilliant Grin

threatmatrix · 17/12/2023 09:39

Go in, say omg you lot I’m never letting you make me drink again, I had a rotten headache and no memory of even enjoying it.

DenisK · 17/12/2023 11:12

A lot of us have done things when we’re drunk that we’re mortified about. Act like nothing’s happened and he might think you can’t remember it and be pretty relieved. 👍

PersephonePomegranate23 · 17/12/2023 12:34

OP it's a lesson learner, twist your courage to the sticking place and go into work as normal.

Blimey, she's not Lady Macbeth. Now that would be career ending 😂

timesaretight · 17/12/2023 13:29

Thank you. It is a tactic I have used, and it works.

Abbimae · 17/12/2023 13:33

Own fault really

Sensetalking · 18/12/2023 07:22

You won't have failed, chances are your drinks were spiked...
most social workers are nasty pieces of work, they have to be to steal children from their mum's and dads

perto · 18/12/2023 08:03

Sensetalking · 18/12/2023 07:22

You won't have failed, chances are your drinks were spiked...
most social workers are nasty pieces of work, they have to be to steal children from their mum's and dads

To protect them you mean?

Globules · 18/12/2023 16:56

How did today go @hopesndrrm ?

Calliopespa · 18/12/2023 17:16

So what happened OP? Did you go in? And did they howl with laughter when you arrived? Or completely ignore it?

Greezynogreasy · 18/12/2023 17:22

Not career ending at all and the TL is married but you are not.
He was probably more in the wrong as far as the groping goes. He should be more embarrassed but chances are he won’t remember much.
Just laugh it off.

I’d more concerned as to why you blacked out.
Could you have had your drink spiked ?

Daughtersandbristolian · 18/12/2023 18:31

Hi OP how are you? Any update on the situation - how was work and was anything said?

pinkunicorns54 · 18/12/2023 21:38

Sensetalking · 18/12/2023 07:22

You won't have failed, chances are your drinks were spiked...
most social workers are nasty pieces of work, they have to be to steal children from their mum's and dads

😂😂

MeMySonAnd1 · 18/12/2023 22:59

katepilar · 16/12/2023 20:57

Actually its sometimes really hard to stick to your non-drinking as people can be really pushy and some keep giving you the dring despite you saying no several time. I have been there. And I really dont drink, half a glass at most very occasionallly, so its not like I keep saying no just because I decided I should not drink nad find saying no hard.

Show quote history

If people cannot force you to eat frog’s eyes they cannot force you to drink. If you drink to excess without wanting to is because you decided at some point it might not be that bad.

It is all about taking responsibility for your own actions. You will know as person who drinks less that you may accept a glass of wine without that meaning you need to drink yourself stupid. Obviously, we all can miscalculate and drink more than what we wanted but passing the blame on to other people is ridiculous. It was our own decision or weakness.

DoubleTime · 20/12/2023 00:36

Hope you went in to work and found it wasn't nearly as bad as you thought. In a week or 2 everyone will have forgotten about it.

HelloOhHell · 20/12/2023 01:55

It’s cringe… but your placement will be over before you know it then just see if you can move teams… or LA if you really think it’s that bad (unless you have to stay for your asye)

angelfacecuti75 · 20/12/2023 02:25

I used to work with sw's.
They are more open minded than you think.
Just don't do it again.

tachetastic · 22/12/2023 22:11

Sensetalking · 18/12/2023 07:22

You won't have failed, chances are your drinks were spiked...
most social workers are nasty pieces of work, they have to be to steal children from their mum's and dads

Wow. You mean all those nasty pieces who work long hours with the elderly, the disabled, the disadvantaged and those who need support to keep their children at home. I have direct experience of the immense lengths social workers go to in order to avoid children ending up in the care system, and those decisions are made only after a huge amount of scrutiny.

In the cases I know of there was no stealing of children. The care system was a last resort.

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