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Original poster

I've just ruined my career haven't I?

323 replies

hopesndrrm · 15/12/2023 02:28

Student social worker, on placement since end of august. Most of my days I have worked from home but have had the odd day in the office where I've worked with loads of the team including team leader.

Tonight went on Xmas night out with them all. Initially I said I wasn't drinking as wanted to stay professional. However, a load of them kept saying 'come on have a drink, let us see the real you, we are all wild etc' so I ended up drinking.

Totally blacked out, have woke up in my living room, fully clothed thank gos but no idea how I got home. I remember we kept switching chairs at the dinner table and at one point me and my team leader touching legs under the table and eye fucking.

I genuinely want to die. This is my career. This is why I didn't want to drink. It's fine if you've already got the job but what about when you are still trying to impress the boss?

I am affronted and 90 percent positive I was feeling the team leader up under the table. I'm meant to be In the office on Monday but there's no way

OP posts:
HaddawayAndShite · 15/12/2023 07:28

While this isn’t the same as your situation, I do remember a Christmas party where I kissed a colleague. We were both single and similar ages (actually he was 2/3 years younger than me). The hangxiety the next day was horrendous. I worked on the main reception so had no way of avoiding him and we interacted a lot during the working week as we were both admin for our respective teams. It was hella awkward for a few days, I wanted to die every time I saw him, but honestly after a few days it was like it hadn’t happened and the relationship went back to professionals / friends. We’re still friends now.

MiddleParking · 15/12/2023 07:30

Boredanddejected · 15/12/2023 07:18

A staff member (I’m her team leader) drunk texted me some dodgy sexual messages clearly intended for some guy. She apologised on the Monday, I laughed, we moved on. It’s not a huge deal.

Laughing that off sounds like risky business for a manager. Even if I was understanding about it in person I’d want the most appropriate response in writing.

NotTheLastUserName · 15/12/2023 07:31

Mylittlepea · 15/12/2023 03:14

I think many of us have been there & done that getting shitfaced at a work outing. To be fair, they pressured you into drinking - next time stand your ground and don’t drink if you don’t want to.

Career breaker? - absolutely not. Go in on Monday with your head held up high & crack on like nothing happened. If the subject comes up, just brazen it out with a ‘breezy’ - yeah, I had loads to drink, don’t remember much, won’t be doing that again with you lot!

This. You have hangover-catastrophising going on.

<Thinks back with some embarrassed nostalgia to 25 odd years ago snogging one dogdy co-worker, friend snogging the chairman, other friend dry humping the IT guy in the corridor.....
All followed with a ‘breezy’ - yeah, I had loads to drink, don’t remember much, won’t be doing that again with you lot! >

You won't be the first. You wont be the last. It is not career ending. Everyone else will probably be too mortified with what they did to worry about you!

wildwestpioneer · 15/12/2023 07:32

Walk in Monday, head held high and front it out, that's all I can suggest.

My friend did something similar but spilt red wine all down the CEO front, white shirt, broke the glass the wine was in and the CEO had to have stitches in his hand and then he promptly threw up everywhere. He managed to keep his job (he was very junior at the time and new ish). You're young enough to get away with it.

Psyberbaby · 15/12/2023 07:33

@Shiningout
Hit a sore spot?

booni13 · 15/12/2023 07:34

Don't worry about it. I've done similar in the past. Just laugh it off if it's mentioned next week.

I very much doubt it would be career ending. Probably the opposite.

You'll be fine.

Zonder · 15/12/2023 07:35

I wonder if the TL is worried he has trashed his career. I doubt it and he really should have known better.

Echobelly · 15/12/2023 07:36

I think @WiddlinDiddlin is on the money - it's as big a deal as you make it. Seeing as they were encouraging drinking it sounds like they were expecting shenanigans so it would be a bit hypocritical of them to turn around and judge you about it.

Goodlard · 15/12/2023 07:36

wildwestpioneer · 15/12/2023 07:32

Walk in Monday, head held high and front it out, that's all I can suggest.

My friend did something similar but spilt red wine all down the CEO front, white shirt, broke the glass the wine was in and the CEO had to have stitches in his hand and then he promptly threw up everywhere. He managed to keep his job (he was very junior at the time and new ish). You're young enough to get away with it.

That's made me literally go "oh my god"!

TravelInHope · 15/12/2023 07:36

Mummymummy89 · 15/12/2023 03:56

The team leader is absolutely the main person in the wrong here. Shockingly so

Yes. He is a man. Clearly it must be his fault.

violetcuriosity · 15/12/2023 07:38

Oh mate. You haven't ruined your career but you'll feel fragile and anxious for a while. I remember when I was an NQT I was on the train and for some reason kept saying cunt (very drunk) and we then realised that the men we were talking to were actually parents at the school and I felt as you do now. I think I spent about 3 weeks worrying about being called into a disciplinary meeting with the head and then got over it. Remember, everyone else was drunk too and will probably be having their own regrets.

MargotBamborough · 15/12/2023 07:38

The team leader is more in the wrong than you here.

I would pretend you can't remember it and never refer to it ever.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 15/12/2023 07:40

If you went from sober to blackout I'd be concerned about having been spiked tbh. But if you sure that you did drink enough to do that to yourself then you've just got to front it out.

Wish44 · 15/12/2023 07:40

social worker and practice educator here…. Sorry to miss the point entirely but the fact that you are doing your placement from
home sounds like much more of a career problem to me.

re drunken night of shame…. Well I have seen all sorts on nights out with my teams over the years and I have seen all sorts of students… sadly what you describe isn’t as uncommon as you think.

Speak to your practice educator who will know the team and the dynamic.

get in the office and face up to what happened by reading the response from the rest of the team and responding accordingly .

it will be a good learning experience; staying professional when you are in a very difficult/emotional situation.

good luck and you will laugh about this one day!

Tinkeytonkoldfruit · 15/12/2023 07:41

You're fine, you haven't ruined your career. If you've been there since August got to be coming up on end of your 100 day placement. Just brazen it out and maybe do your ASYE at a different LA!! 😁

x2boys · 15/12/2023 07:42

Psyberbaby · 15/12/2023 07:14

It's a bit pathetic in your 30s

You would be horrified by what some Doctors and Nurses get up too and work nights out......
Honestly some of these comments🙄
Yes its not ideal.but its Xmas next week ,it wss one drunken night lots of people will be waking up.feeling the beer fear.

Allthecatseverywhereallatonce · 15/12/2023 07:45

Go in Monday confident and head held high. If anyone says anything just say I had far to much to drink I won't be doing that again.
I doubt your TL will say anything and if he does, just explain you were drunk.
I don't think it is a career ender just don't do it agin.
You are still in the grip of 'beer fear' it will it will lessen.

DoubleTime · 15/12/2023 07:46

Don't worry OP, I've seen worse, and the way that person handled it was just to brazen it out first day back at work. This worked completely, and any jokes dried up very quickly. The guy involved, on the other hand, literally had his head down and crouched behind his PC, and he was the butt of many jokes. You know what to do - brave face and take any jokes on the chin.

daisychain01 · 15/12/2023 07:48

Aintnosupermum · 15/12/2023 02:39

Career ending is you did anal with the TL and sharted all over them.

You are fine. Learn from it. One drink and the rest do ginger ale in a champagne glass or soda with a slice of lime after ordering vodka soda with lime. Leave every event at 9pm, no later.

Trouble is, it sounds like the TL would enjoy that Grin

TheFluffiestCat · 15/12/2023 07:50

When I was training, I got so drunk at a work do that I had to be taken home and put to bed by my supervisor. I sent her a very apologetic text the next morning and it was never spoken of again. I was made permanent at the end of my training and I'm still there, but I've driven to every work do since.

daisychain01 · 15/12/2023 07:52

My friend did something similar but spilt red wine all down the CEO front, white shirt, broke the glass the wine was in and the CEO had to have stitches in his hand and then he promptly threw up everywhere. He managed to keep his job (he was very junior at the time and new ish).

You missed the important bit .... he was very junior at the time and newish, and he was a bloke

boys will be boys [sigh]

RampantIvy · 15/12/2023 07:53

JoyeuxNarwhal · 15/12/2023 07:40

If you went from sober to blackout I'd be concerned about having been spiked tbh. But if you sure that you did drink enough to do that to yourself then you've just got to front it out.

Yes, that occurred to me as well. This doesn't add up. Being able to write coherently so soon after blacking out. I have been drunk in my lifetime, but never to the extent of blacking out.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 15/12/2023 07:53

I once told a manager what I thought of him at the Christmas party. He wasn't a horrible person, but he was an awful, lazy manager.

I'd forgotten all about it until about three weeks later when I received a birthday card signed by all my colleagues. He'd signed it "Crap Boss" and it all came flooding back 🤣

NotTheLastUserName · 15/12/2023 07:55

TravelInHope · 15/12/2023 07:36

Yes. He is a man. Clearly it must be his fault.

Show quote history

No. "They" are wrong because "they" are in a position of authority. Not because they are male! FFS - is that really so difficult to understand?

anybloodyname · 15/12/2023 07:57

I'd go in and announce loudly " jeeeez can you lot please never ever let me drink again , I've no recollection whatsoever of any shenanigans but by my headache I'd say it was a wild night ! For anyone I offended or flashed my boobs please forgive me "

Laugh , offer a coffee round and move on

You didn't kill anyone

I've never eye fucked , feel like I'm missing out----

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