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AIBU?

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Original poster

I've just ruined my career haven't I?

323 replies

hopesndrrm · 15/12/2023 02:28

Student social worker, on placement since end of august. Most of my days I have worked from home but have had the odd day in the office where I've worked with loads of the team including team leader.

Tonight went on Xmas night out with them all. Initially I said I wasn't drinking as wanted to stay professional. However, a load of them kept saying 'come on have a drink, let us see the real you, we are all wild etc' so I ended up drinking.

Totally blacked out, have woke up in my living room, fully clothed thank gos but no idea how I got home. I remember we kept switching chairs at the dinner table and at one point me and my team leader touching legs under the table and eye fucking.

I genuinely want to die. This is my career. This is why I didn't want to drink. It's fine if you've already got the job but what about when you are still trying to impress the boss?

I am affronted and 90 percent positive I was feeling the team leader up under the table. I'm meant to be In the office on Monday but there's no way

OP posts:
IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 15/12/2023 06:18

Next time you don't want to drink, drive. Valid excuse people will accept. You shouldn't need one, but I don't drink and know how much work it is explaining why constantly, because people look at you like you're insane when you say you're not drinking.

As for the behaviour, if everyone was smashing the drinks then mostly they won't notice. If anyone says anything just cringe and say "never again". But learn from it. There's a girl I work with who throws herself at every bloke regardless of age, relationship and her own relationship status. She thinks everyone loves her but tbh she's a bit of a joke in the office. Don't be her.

haveacat · 15/12/2023 06:19

Don’t worry about it. You haven’t ruined your career. In fact, your TL would have more to lose as it could be interpreted as him hitting on a student (who he has authority over) when she was drunk. Not a good career move for him! And he has a wife/children! He is to blame for his own poor behaviour. Does he have previous with this sort of behaviour? It might be embarrassing, but nothing more.

AhBiscuits · 15/12/2023 06:21

You're fine, just brazen it out.

At our Christmas do one of the most senior managers threw up all over himself and got dragged out of the venue by security.

Shiningout · 15/12/2023 06:23

Letsgotitans · 15/12/2023 04:49

I know this is not the point but wow how do you sober up so quickly 😂 to go from blank out drunk, then 2.30 in the morning you're sober enough to write all that coherently!

Edited

I thought this!!!

autienotnaughty · 15/12/2023 06:25

Go to work laugh it off. Everyone else was drunk too, do you remember the embarrassing things they were doing ? Do you think they should leave their jobs?
In a few weeks no one will be talking about it.

jemenfous37 · 15/12/2023 06:25

Eye fucking???????????? Wtf is eye fucking?????
Student SW on placement who works mainly from home? How does that work in any universe? How can you possibly get practical experience/mentoring working from home?

As for the other stuff. Well, depending on how drunk the rest of the team were and how much they remember, you may be ok. Otherwise, no matter how flirty Mr 50 was, you'll be the one blamed because that's the way of the world, sadly.
But as others have said, such things are common when in your cups, and I suspect many of us here have been there...😃
it's much more fun to stay sober and watch everyone else disintegrate...

Immasucker · 15/12/2023 06:25

You are having a classic case of the paranoias. Happens often while sobering up. Objectively your behaviour was not that bad. A little out of character maybe if you are normally very restrained, but not bad.

jemenfous37 · 15/12/2023 06:31

Just realised you are 31.

Also given that you wrote this post at 02.28 after being so drunk you can't remember getting home, you are very literate and coherent. Most of us manage a typo, or drop punctuation when writing here, even when sober!
You clearly have a gift for coherence and motor-skill co-ordination shortly after being so drunk you pass out. That could make you quite an asset...

PieAndLattes · 15/12/2023 06:34

Sounds like everyone was plastered and either didn’t notice or won’t remember. Don't worry about it. It’s definitely not career ending!

ThePix · 15/12/2023 06:35

Is there anyone you can ask how you got home? If you made a fool of yourself? One trusted person who might be able to fill in the blanks?
I have been known to black out in the long distant past before kids on work do’s.. always had someone fill me in and slightly ease the beer fear! Sending hugs, it’s a dreadful feeling x

HairdryerMary · 15/12/2023 06:40

You haven't ruined your career.
When is your placement over? You'll have three weeks off for Xmas and things will all seem less intense by then.
Just reflect on it. Don't worry I've shat all over PCF1 before Blush got drunk on a night out, ended up in Golders Green speaking Portuguese to people, I don't really speak the language. We've all been there!
I'll tell you what will ruin your career, fucking the team leader. DONT DO THAT!

BelindaOkra · 15/12/2023 06:43

AlwaysGinPlease · 15/12/2023 05:28

An old man?! Fucking hell. 50 is not an old man 😂

Show quote history

Yeah I got rather sidetracked by that comment too! 🙄

ChocBanana · 15/12/2023 06:43

He’s the one married with kids, and he is in a position of authority over you. If anyone should be worried about their career, it’s him.
Incidentally, my boss’s secretary got her job AFTER she had thrown up over him at our last year’s Christmas party. We went to the village pub for Christmas drinks, they got chatting, she was there with friends, she suddenly threw up on his shoes.
About a month later, she came in for an interview, it wasn’t until she started speaking to him that each realised who the other was. But they had a joke about it and got on well so she got the job.
This year, she was a designated driver…

Birdsmakingnests · 15/12/2023 06:46

Thank your lucky stars and change your career now.

squashi · 15/12/2023 06:47

No you haven't ruined your career. Front it out and - given how it's made you feel - be more careful next time.

Motnight · 15/12/2023 06:48

You woke up fully clothed in your own home and wrote a surprisingly coherent post in the early hours of the morning.

It will be fine. Your boss has more to lose than you do.

OrlandointheWilderness · 15/12/2023 06:49

Small blip. This is the beer fear talking. Brazen it out Monday, you don't remember A THING. If you don't go in you will cause far, far more gossip!!

lkmbj · 15/12/2023 06:49

How can you on placement and mainly working from home? Surely the purpose of the placement is to learn from experienced colleagues. Difficult to do from your spare room.

oakleaffy · 15/12/2023 06:50

@hopesndrrm Truly don’t worry.
It’s not like you caused harm to a vulnerable client - I DO know of a social work student who lost his placement for being very sexually inappropriate to a young vulnerable woman who was a client-

But this man was your team leader, you weren’t at work, and they were encouraging you to drink.

I don’t drink, but when I was young, the pressure piled on to have an alcoholic drink was massive.

Alcohol is a beast of a drug.

But truly just make a joke of it - I bet he too will be cringe ing because of his own behaviour.
👍

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 15/12/2023 06:51

Birdsmakingnests · 15/12/2023 06:46

Thank your lucky stars and change your career now.

Haha there is this! What a thankless job to career change to!

It's fine if you've already got the job but what about when you are still trying to impress the boss?
it really is not. Work do’s are an extension of work.

but my concern with your post is that you told people you were not drinking, and you were pressured into drinking. Who was doing the pressuring specifically? And why did you change you mind about drinking?

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 15/12/2023 06:53

lkmbj · 15/12/2023 06:49

How can you on placement and mainly working from home? Surely the purpose of the placement is to learn from experienced colleagues. Difficult to do from your spare room.

I thought this too. And for social work. How is that mainly work from home?

ACynicalDad · 15/12/2023 06:53

How long is left on placement? Focus on comparing it then review where you want to be after that. I guess within a few mothers you can walk out of their lives.

VisionsOfSplendour · 15/12/2023 06:54

How do you think you got home, did your team leader take you? I'd be concerned about that if in your vulnerable state

But like PPS have said I wish I'd been able to sober up so quickly in my younger days, would have saved many waatsed days from hangovers

Benibidibici · 15/12/2023 06:54

Have you had alcohol problems before? Its perfectly possible to go & just have 1 or 2 drinks and not get completely blotto

Bearbookagainandagain · 15/12/2023 06:57

Wait and see, if they were as drunk as you said they won't remember or care either. If anything really happened with your boss, he is likely to brush it under the carpet and pretend it never did.

Lesson for the future though, I've always got way too drunk on my work do earlier in my career, particularly at seated dinner that I found awkward/boring. Now I make sure I always have a glass of water with me at all times (with whatever alcohol I'm drinking), and I never go to the after party if the plan is to drink more.

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