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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let my 7 year old walk to his friend's house alone

257 replies

welshweasel · 14/12/2023 23:08

My 7 year old (8 next month) is desperate to be allowed to walk to his friend's house for a pre arranged play date. Friend lives less than 5 minutes walk away. There is one road to cross (20mph speed limit with pedestrian crossing that he knows how to use).

I'm keen to let him to do this but my friend was horrified that I might allow this. Am
I totally out of touch with what is reasonable?

OP posts:
lorralo · 15/12/2023 17:18

Far too young

MasterBeth · 15/12/2023 17:19

What’s this “couple of teens start fighting” worry? What do you expect them to do, other than “ignore the couple of teens fighting”?

MasterBeth · 15/12/2023 17:20

—-

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2023 17:23

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 15/12/2023 17:16

OP says it’s a safe village! How do kids learn road safety if not through practice? And by themselves.

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kids Can practice crossing the roads with their parents there of course they can.

margotrose · 15/12/2023 17:25

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2023 17:23

kids Can practice crossing the roads with their parents there of course they can.

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But at some point they need to do it alone. Seeing as seven year olds seem to manage it everywhere else, what is it about British children that makes them so utterly incapable?

MasterBeth · 15/12/2023 17:25

ManyATrueWord · 15/12/2023 11:27

Depends where you are. In my village, yes. My friend is a teacher in a big seaside town where they have no less than five van snatching incidents of children. Three never seen again. One fought them off. One returned later, much changed. Children between 8 and 10. She gave a school talk on how to escape. Of course not much done because this was a poor area and they were the children of people of low social and economic status. She knew two of them. This was pre COVID, but it made be realise why she was that cautious with her own child.

WTF? What seaside town has seen five children whisked from the streets and no word in the media??? Madeup-on-Sea?

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 15/12/2023 17:26

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2023 17:23

kids Can practice crossing the roads with their parents there of course they can.

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Yes but comes a day when they can and should be able to do it themselves. With parents ideally but we had green cross code as children.

ManyATrueWord · 15/12/2023 17:27

Excuse me, it was 2017-2018 and it was in the local press.

Greybluewhite · 15/12/2023 17:28

I know chances are everything would be fine but there’s 0 chance I would allow my 7 year old to walk anywhere alone! Would rather be overprotective than regretful.

Runninghappy · 15/12/2023 17:30

margotrose · 15/12/2023 16:56

They're clearly not too young, though, because children even younger than 8 seem to manage it just fine in other countries.

The UK isn't some shockingly dangerous island in comparison to everywhere else.

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Children in other countries have to go out to work. I don’t care what other countries do. Children that age can’t process danger in the same way older children can. You aren’t allows to leave school alone here until year 6, which is 10/11. They are still handing over children to parents at 7/8 for a reason.

margotrose · 15/12/2023 17:33

Runninghappy · 15/12/2023 17:30

Children in other countries have to go out to work. I don’t care what other countries do. Children that age can’t process danger in the same way older children can. You aren’t allows to leave school alone here until year 6, which is 10/11. They are still handing over children to parents at 7/8 for a reason.

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You're ignoring the fact that children manage it in this country too. I live in Cumbria and it's totally normal for children walk to/from school alone at 7/8 years old.

They also walk to the park, the shops, to the school bus stop alone or with friends and without parents following them or accompanying them every step of the way.

Lots of parents seem to wrap their kids in cotton wool and then complain when they're raising 17 year olds who need collecting from their part-time jobs because they won't walk or take a bus by themselves.

CoatOfArms · 15/12/2023 17:37

Children in Scotland regularly take themselves to and from school, we generally do not have these blanket rules about parents having to collect them until X age.

Runninghappy · 15/12/2023 17:39

margotrose · 15/12/2023 17:33

You're ignoring the fact that children manage it in this country too. I live in Cumbria and it's totally normal for children walk to/from school alone at 7/8 years old.

They also walk to the park, the shops, to the school bus stop alone or with friends and without parents following them or accompanying them every step of the way.

Lots of parents seem to wrap their kids in cotton wool and then complain when they're raising 17 year olds who need collecting from their part-time jobs because they won't walk or take a bus by themselves.

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I don’t know why you’re picking on me as most people on here have said the same. My daughter is 15 and gets the bus and train on her own happily and is perfectly well rounded and independent. She probably started getting the train at 12, mainly because things were delayed after Covid. When she was young it felt like 7 or 8 was grown up, but when you have a teenager and see 7 year olds, they are really young children and for another year or so, really doesn’t hurt walking them to play dates. It’s pretty likely nothing would ever go wrong, but it did, children that age wouldn’t know what to do.

margotrose · 15/12/2023 17:41

Runninghappy · 15/12/2023 17:39

I don’t know why you’re picking on me as most people on here have said the same. My daughter is 15 and gets the bus and train on her own happily and is perfectly well rounded and independent. She probably started getting the train at 12, mainly because things were delayed after Covid. When she was young it felt like 7 or 8 was grown up, but when you have a teenager and see 7 year olds, they are really young children and for another year or so, really doesn’t hurt walking them to play dates. It’s pretty likely nothing would ever go wrong, but it did, children that age wouldn’t know what to do.

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Responding to your posts isn't picking on you, it's the entire point of a discussion forum! Yours just happened to be the latest in a long line of similar posts.

Ericaequites · 15/12/2023 17:41

I’d let him walk if he called you when he arrived safely. Children need to learn independence. I was making a similar trip to buy cigarettes for my Dad at that age.

StarlightLady · 15/12/2023 17:42

Kidnapping etc not is not impossible, be it a rural area or city centre. Rural areas by definition are quieter, which van be double edged sword.

l get that toad safety is your major concern but any road is only as safe as the next idiot behind a wheel; adults can after all react to danger faster as pedestrians.

l would go along with the idea of letting him go and hovering in the background in case of emergency. I for one would be concerned about a 7 year old, seemingly on his own, walking past me on the street.

You really need to consider your son’s safety OP and in addition your own well being should anything happen. You do not want to spend the rest of your life thinking “if only”.

margotrose · 15/12/2023 17:42

CoatOfArms · 15/12/2023 17:37

Children in Scotland regularly take themselves to and from school, we generally do not have these blanket rules about parents having to collect them until X age.

It's the same where I am. I read some of these threads and think I must live in an alternate universe! Kids can legally take themselves to the swimming pool alone at eight but they can't walk down the road alone? It's insane.

user1471474138 · 15/12/2023 17:43

It’s also normal in many parts of England

Humphhhh · 15/12/2023 17:45

ManyATrueWord · 15/12/2023 11:27

Depends where you are. In my village, yes. My friend is a teacher in a big seaside town where they have no less than five van snatching incidents of children. Three never seen again. One fought them off. One returned later, much changed. Children between 8 and 10. She gave a school talk on how to escape. Of course not much done because this was a poor area and they were the children of people of low social and economic status. She knew two of them. This was pre COVID, but it made be realise why she was that cautious with her own child.

Do you live in Midsomer?

tennesseewhiskey1 · 15/12/2023 17:47

No absolutely not - I know of two attempted kidnappings where the kids were snatched and tried to be bundled into the car. I wouldn’t even let my 9 year old do this. Bonkers.

Runninghappy · 15/12/2023 17:48

margotrose · 15/12/2023 17:41

Responding to your posts isn't picking on you, it's the entire point of a discussion forum! Yours just happened to be the latest in a long line of similar posts.

Show quote history

Latest in a long line of posts saying the same! For a reason. I live in a small village where everyone knows each other and nothing ever happens, but I still wouldn’t have allowed it. School did not let them out until year 6.

She goes to a rural secondary school now and I have signed to say she can leave aline if necessary , although she gets the school minibus home most days. One day when I was picking her up, I was stuck in traffic 5 mins walk from school so I phoned and told her to walk out to meet me. As she left, one of the teachers asked where she was going and she said meeting me. 5 mins later I had a call from the school office asking if I knew she’d left school and if she was with me - she was. Now that’s overkill in year 10 at 14, so imagine what they would have thought at age 7!

Sususudio · 15/12/2023 17:49

No!

Natsku · 15/12/2023 17:50

Runninghappy · 15/12/2023 17:48

Latest in a long line of posts saying the same! For a reason. I live in a small village where everyone knows each other and nothing ever happens, but I still wouldn’t have allowed it. School did not let them out until year 6.

She goes to a rural secondary school now and I have signed to say she can leave aline if necessary , although she gets the school minibus home most days. One day when I was picking her up, I was stuck in traffic 5 mins walk from school so I phoned and told her to walk out to meet me. As she left, one of the teachers asked where she was going and she said meeting me. 5 mins later I had a call from the school office asking if I knew she’d left school and if she was with me - she was. Now that’s overkill in year 10 at 14, so imagine what they would have thought at age 7!

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The reason being that British parents (well, not Scottish ones so much) underestimate the capabilities of children and overestimate risks (while underestimating the risks of not allowing independence)

EllaPaella · 15/12/2023 17:52

My youngest son is in year 4. At his school they are allowed to walk to and from school alone from year 3 (so 7/8 yrs) if parents allow it and many of his friends have been playing out on their bikes all summer this year.
My son hasn't yet done any of these things as I personally don't feel comfortable with it but plenty of his friends parents seem to be happy with it and none of them have come to any harm.
It really just depends on the child and how comfortable you feel about it.
I was walking home in the dark last night from the station, it was only 4.30 but a kid who looked about 7 was in front of me walking on his own nearly got hit by a car as he almost stepped out into a main road on a roundabout as a car was coming. If I hadn't been there to call to him to stop he would have just ran across. That's the kind of thing I would worry about.

WorriedMum231 · 15/12/2023 17:52

Utter insanity. No way would that be ok.