AIBU to let my 7 year old walk to his friend's house alone

[welshweasel]

My 7 year old (8 next month) is desperate to be allowed to walk to his friend's house for a pre arranged play date. Friend lives less than 5 minutes walk away. There is one road to cross (20mph speed limit with pedestrian crossing that he knows how to use).

I'm keen to let him to do this but my friend was horrified that I might allow this. Am
I totally out of touch with what is reasonable?

I didn’t call it neglect

No, you just compared it to people letting their toddlers play in traffic

but whilst people are throwing around stats and our European counterparts to justify this, Im saying I think you would find a correlation between 7 year olds walking alone and neglect in 2023 U.K.

Are you saying that most of Scotland is guilty of child neglect then?

A five minute walk is a fair distance to walk alone at 8 years. At that age, mine went no further than the immediate street.
id be concerned about the roads, but also the risk of assault or even abduction. I know it’s incredibly rare, but why risk it. An 8 year old is no match for an adult intent on doing those things.
A little girl near me often walks to school alone( about a 10 min walk) we live in a nice place, but lots of passing traffic at that time. It just takes the wrong person to take advantage of a vulnerable child.

"I think you would find a correlation between 7 year olds walking alone and neglect in 2023..." that's about as useful as me making up "I'm sure you'll find a link between over anxious parents and increasing rates of depression and suicide in teens and young adults".

For the record the NSPCC and some local councils point towards 8 years old as being about the right age to start letting a child walk to school alone, and that's to school which for most would be around 1-2 miles away! So I doubt there's going to be a raft of evidence that links allowing a 7 year old to walk a short distance alone with neglect.

NSPCC (https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/away-from-home/at-school/):
"There’s no legal age that your child can travel home from school alone – this is up to you and your best judgement, or your school’s rules and policies.
Every child is different – but some schools advise children under 8 shouldn't walk home without an adult or older sibling".

Then:
"most councils and local authorities recommend eight years old as a good time to start the process of learning to walk to school alone."

I don't think it's point blank too young, I would need to make a decision based on my child and the area.

I get the kidnapping worry because its one of my biggest fears but I know that it's very rare. I don't think there is much difference between an 8 year old and a 10 year old for fighting someone off, I'm 37 and consider myself to be pretty strong but I still can't overpower my not very strong husband when he's only half heartedly pinning me down.

I have an 8 year old and over the next couple of years he will start becoming more independent. At the minute it's him playing in the park next to the house whilst I stay inside and check every couple of minutes. As he gets older the length in between checks will get longer and he will progress to being allowed to go to the shop a 5 minute walk away with no major road to cross.

Him and his 6 year old brother have been allowed to go into the shop alone for a while whilst I wait outside. The risks are incredibly low but not zero. Someone could grab them and make a run for it but it's so unlikely. A sink hole could open up in the garden whilst they are playing, also unlikely but not impossible yet they are still allowed to play out.

I'm the biggest worrier because I don't know what I would do if anything happened to my kids but I known that I can't protect them forever. They will be adults before I know it and that is the biggest risk there is!

Also has anyone seen those documentaries about the most dangerous ways to school? Young kids navigating rivers, freezing temperatures, roasting temperatures, wild animals, makes our lives look incredibly tame. They've been raised to have the maturity to do such things and it's not necessarily a good thing but it does put into perspective a worry about a 7 year-old doing a fairly mundane 5 minute walk.

'utter insanity'

dearie me.

👍

Some neglectful parents will let their children walk alone because they want them out of the house and out of their way, that's very different from parents allowing their children age-appropriate independent mobility, giving them opportunities to feel good about themselves and their abilities and experience the self-esteem boosting feeling of being trusted with responsibility.

As a child by far and away the most harm was done to me in school by bullies who were allowed to prevail for years on end. It’s a much more common story than kidnapping, but you all happily send your kids to school every day.

Hard no from me

No reason why not if your child is ready and able.
It's ridiculous that people think otherwise.

It's your decision op. There are people who think it's a terrible idea and some who think it's perfectly acceptable.

Do what's right for you and your ds.

Wait till he is 8 then do lots of practising crossing roads and walk him a couple of time letting him take the lead. My 8 year old does very short walks alone in daylight, in safer areas with no road crossings or small side roads to cross. I see it as increasing her confidence and slowly building up to travelling independently to school, possibly in a different city, at 11.

And yet you can't name this fictional town where five children were whisked from the streets and three were never seen again?

I don't believe you

Oh, hang on. I hope you're not trying to drag up this racist bilge from Great Yarmouth?

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-norfolk-48155614

https://www.edp24.co.uk/news/20727308.no-evidence-attempted-child-abduction-great-yarmouth-police-say/

I don't care if you don't believe me. I don't owe you anything. Stay in your safe world without sympathy to the people who can't afford to move there. Enjoy the frisson you get from calling me names.

I haven't called you any names. I've said I don't believe you because you have failed to name the seaside town where three children, in separate abductions, have been taken from the streets over a period of a year or two.

I would obviously have immense sympathy for anyone whose child was taken. So would anyone. That's why it would be a major national news story that we all knew about.

Where did this happen?

Yeah that's the kind of thing that would definitely go beyond local news

If it happened, why can't you provide a link for it?

I have a seven year old and similar set up for her to visit her friend...her friend has turned 8...no way would mum of my child's friend or I let them walk around on their own...she another friend on a street away too and again we mums walk them there. It's too young. Might revisit this aged 9 or 10 and see how I feel. At 7 or 8 they can't judge car speed yet. My child used to walking to school and back so traffic wary.

It really depends on the maturity of the DC. My eldest at 8 was fine to walk up the road to the corner shop on his own. My youngest I wouldn't allow it until 10. I would gradually practice it, though to make sure. So start by walking him almost all the way he does a bit on his own and build up. Make sure he knows he absolutely must use the crossing no exceptions and reinforce this as you do the practice runs. I would also want the parent of friend to send a text to confirm he got there safe and sound.

They can't judge car speed at 9 or 10 either. Why it's so important for them to use a crossing on a main road.

I've been searching online for stories of child abduction since the claim was posted yesterday. There are a few allegations of possible attempted abduction.

For example, EastEnders actor Billy Murray's claims that his grandchildren were targeted by an Eastern European kidnap gang appeared in a lot of papers but police investigated and say "no offence has been identified".

https://thurrock.nub.news/news/local-news/police-respond-with-low-key-approach-following-highly-emotional-statements-from-tv-actor-and-his-daughter-who-believe-men-were-set-on-kidnapping-children-in-orsett-179607

However, I can find lots of stories about the abduction of vulnerable asylum seeker children being trafficked from under the noses of the UK authorities:

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/jan/21/revealed-scores-of-child-asylum-seekers-kidnapped-from-home-office-hotel

I find it interesting that when the NSPCC say that children shouldn't be left home alone until 14, everyone dismisses them as being OTT and unrealistic.

Yet as someone as posted above, they recommend children walking home from school from eight, and that's now dismissed because it's clearly far too dangerous