Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let my 7 year old walk to his friend's house alone

257 replies

welshweasel · 14/12/2023 23:08

My 7 year old (8 next month) is desperate to be allowed to walk to his friend's house for a pre arranged play date. Friend lives less than 5 minutes walk away. There is one road to cross (20mph speed limit with pedestrian crossing that he knows how to use).

I'm keen to let him to do this but my friend was horrified that I might allow this. Am
I totally out of touch with what is reasonable?

OP posts:
Arightoldcarryabag · 14/12/2023 23:48

I get that it's only 1 road and that there is a crossing, but for me this would be my main concern.
The roads are not really comparable to when I was growing up, it's infinitely more busy.
The type of road that needs a crossing would definitely scare me. In fact I was hit by a car on a busy road (which may be affecting my opinion now I'm typing it out..) when I was 10 despite being very "streetwise" and it being on a zebra crossing.
I feel for your son and I generally feel we baby them too much these days, but without knowing the specific road I would at least follow the ideas of hanging back rather than leaving him completely alone.

Whattodowithit88 · 14/12/2023 23:51

It’s not really about if his capable, of course he is probably capable, his 7 and can walk, the problem isn’t him, the problem is everyone else really. It’s too high a risk. Anything could happen, attacked by a dog, he could be too small for someone in a tractor to see when crossing the road, he could accidentally take a wrong turn as we’ve all gotton lost before, it’s not as if it’s not a possibility. Someone could stop him too, if I saw a seven year old out alone I would be approaching them straight away to ask where their parent was thinking they had gotton lost as 7 is so young.

I used to play out and wonder off at 8, don’t get me wrong, but now as a adult I look back at that and think there where quite a few times I put myself in danger but didn’t realise it at the time as I was just a kid.
Always makes me think of that poor boy who went and played in that construction site and slipped down a tube and he froze to death during the night.

MrsPinkSky · 14/12/2023 23:52

soundsys · 14/12/2023 23:27

Mumsnet is weird. This is totally normal pretty much everywhere other than England. Unless you live somewhere very dangerous or he has significant additional needs it's absolutely fine!

As a PP said, watch him from your door as far as he can and ask the friend's parent to msg to confirm he's arrived.

Have you been everywhere then?

It's not totally normal in Cork where my family come from and it's certainly not normal in the parts of Scotland and Wales I've lived in too.

PickAChew · 14/12/2023 23:53

Backward chain and break it up, so long as it's daylight and he is walking in an open area. Aim to see him as far as the road, letting them know he is to be expected, imminently. 2 minutes away, he can be watched out for. If it's a twisty route, start at the last turn and work backwards, once you're sure he's sensible enough. Take your time pulling back.

user1471474138 · 14/12/2023 23:54

My dd was walking to and from school a similar distance at that age (and she’s only 12 now so not that long ago). I think as long as the other mum knows he is coming and is happy to let you know he arrived thin it would be fine

UnctuousUnicorns · 14/12/2023 23:54

At that age I used to walk, on my own, over a mile to school, crossing several roads on the way. That was over forty years ago, times have changed a lot since then, I know.

TheFormidableMrsC · 14/12/2023 23:54

Absolutely not.

fingerguns · 14/12/2023 23:55

I would, as long as the kid was responsible, and would do a couple of practice runs first.

SantaBarbaraMonica · 14/12/2023 23:57

Id be fine with that. I wouldn’t love it but am aware that the problem is modern day babying of children making me anxious over the value of that independence for a child. So I’d go once and give instruction on the what ifs, and then let them do it.

riotlady · 14/12/2023 23:58

Sounds fine to me, it’s a 5 min walk it’s not like he’s wandering the streets for hours. I would do a couple of practice runs first with you walking behind him

Bringonthesunforthewashing · 14/12/2023 23:59

No definitely not!!

Throwingpots · 15/12/2023 00:00

My son was walking to school at 8, so I’d be fine with this. I think an earlier poster suggested walking along behind for the first couple of times which is exactly what I did, to make sure he knew the way. He loved the independence.

topshotta · 15/12/2023 00:01

No way

Blueisacolour · 15/12/2023 00:02

When mine were that age, 8 was the age at which friends would call for each other to 'play out' for the first time. It was the age kids went to the village shop alone for the first time. This was in a medium sized village - not busy and all 30mph roads. These kids are now A level/uni students so I'm not talking that long ago. Yes mine were 8 getting on 9, rather than almost 8, but I'm surprised that what is seen as acceptable and normal has changed so much in the last 10-12 years.

Hopingforholidayhelp · 15/12/2023 00:03

No far too young…not safe…

bellamountain · 15/12/2023 00:03

I know in the old days it was a lot more common but 7/8 is still very young. They aren't the best at paying attention at the best of times and there are far far more cars on the road now than there ever was before.

redalex261 · 15/12/2023 00:03

If he’s a sensible mature child, the route is safe and familiar and you call when he leaves and the receiving mum calls back saying he has arrived then just do it. Stranger danger is ultra unlikely (and TBH would be just as much of a risk at 10,11,12 as 8). Traffic is the biggest worry. It will encourage independence and resilience. It is hard to let them do this at first, but a lot depends on the individual child.

ChiIIieP · 15/12/2023 00:07

Not a chance

SparklyOwls · 15/12/2023 00:12

My child is ten, teacher says most mature student in class. Very mature in everyway. Walks home from school by himself, goes to shop by himself... Yet I still worry like crazy!

Moveoverdarlin · 15/12/2023 00:18

No way. No way!!

I have a just turned 8 year old DS and also live rurally. Personally I think that makes it worse. If you lived on a bustling new housing development with loads of young families and it was walking on pavements past lots of houses I could think about it. But rurally no way. Far more lonely, drivers tend to drive quickly, no one to call on for help, fewer nosey neighbours who could intervene.

Rudolphtherednoseddog · 15/12/2023 00:27

No way. Not because my seven year old couldn’t, she could follow a route and press a crossing button. I wouldn’t be concerned about abduction it’s very rare.

But it’s the same reasoning why I wouldn’t leave her home alone either. She’d have no idea what to do if something unexpected happened- crossing out of order, dog jumped at her, couple of teens started fighting, slipped on ice, concerned passer by stops to ask her if she’s ok….

And although she’s quite sensible and mature for a child, she’s still a child, and has the common sense or lack thereof of a seven year old. She’ll be allowed to start by walking to and from school independently at about age nine or ten.

Doingmybest12 · 15/12/2023 00:31

I just wouldn't want him to and that age regardless of the real risks as apposed to imagined risks. Its hard to reel back on independence once it has been allowed. Plenty of time for this a little later on.

MummyofTw0 · 15/12/2023 00:47

God no

3amShopper · 15/12/2023 01:00

Not a chance. But my DH works for the police/prison service and regularly (weekly) transports children as young as 13 who have stabbed another child.

Ablondiebutagoody · 15/12/2023 01:03

What's all this stuff about 2 teenagers fighting?!

I would walk with him to the crossing the first time. Tell him that I want to watch him do it sensibly. Then let him get on with it after that. I would be nervous but that shouldn't get in the way of him growing up.