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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to let my 7 year old walk to his friend's house alone

257 replies

welshweasel · 14/12/2023 23:08

My 7 year old (8 next month) is desperate to be allowed to walk to his friend's house for a pre arranged play date. Friend lives less than 5 minutes walk away. There is one road to cross (20mph speed limit with pedestrian crossing that he knows how to use).

I'm keen to let him to do this but my friend was horrified that I might allow this. Am
I totally out of touch with what is reasonable?

OP posts:
Honeychickpea · 15/12/2023 13:45

Ohtobetwentytwo · 15/12/2023 09:57

The real question is whether you could live with yourself if the worst happened.

Can you say with a clear conscious that he was absolutely ready and the risk was worth it?

For me, at that age, the answer is no. At 18, obviously yes. It's for you to decide when the benefits outweigh the risks.

At 7, I dont see what benefits he gets by doing it alone. Certainly not enough to outweigh the risk.

He gets the benefit of learning how to walk around his own neighborhood independently. An age appropriate life skill.

TinkerTiger · 15/12/2023 14:10

No. My cousin was killed crossing a road at 8.

Mazuslongtoenail · 15/12/2023 14:12

I would. I don’t let my 6 year old do this but I know that she’d be competent enough to do this.

It sounds fine.

Zanatdy · 15/12/2023 14:13

At 7, no I wouldn’t. I was literally just listening to Emma Kenny’s crime channel this morning discussing the murder of 7yr old Nikki Allen who had walked ahead of her mother. I know that’s rare but I just wouldn’t allow my child to walk anywhere alone until much older

Oreosareawful · 15/12/2023 14:16

It's a no from me too. I have an eight year old and I don't allow her to go around a corner out of my line of sight if we are out.

CaroleSinger · 15/12/2023 14:18

There are some really fevered imaginations on this thread. Probably from people who were all running riot in the streets at that age and always playing outside unsupervised. But no! The child must be kept wrapped tightly in cotton wool at all times and never allowed to develop independence! I'm sure there will be lots of people along soon to tell me they were never allowed to play out unsupervised 40 years ago because it was so dangerous outside and what if the sky falls down etc...

SaltyGod · 15/12/2023 14:26

I’d let my sensible 8yr old do this. I’d ask that a parent messages me when they arrive so I know all is well. I’d also practice the journey with them and be sure they can safely cross the road.

I have a less sensible child that I’d probably rather was nearer 9.

I was walking to and from school alone at 8 quite happily, including crossing quiet roads.

I wouldn’t be worried about aggressive teenagers, ferocious dogs, car accidents or kidnappings. There are some active imaginations on Mumsnet today!

Goatymum · 15/12/2023 14:36

No way! If it was the same street with no roads to cross, maybe. Absolutely not with a 5 min walk and a road.

Permanentlyunimpressed · 15/12/2023 14:39

Of course,.mine walked to school at 7 and played out with friends, and he's still at school so not that long ago. This is Mumsnet though where many wouldn't allow their 15 yr olds out alone.

Honeychickpea · 15/12/2023 14:47

SaltyGod · 15/12/2023 14:26

I’d let my sensible 8yr old do this. I’d ask that a parent messages me when they arrive so I know all is well. I’d also practice the journey with them and be sure they can safely cross the road.

I have a less sensible child that I’d probably rather was nearer 9.

I was walking to and from school alone at 8 quite happily, including crossing quiet roads.

I wouldn’t be worried about aggressive teenagers, ferocious dogs, car accidents or kidnappings. There are some active imaginations on Mumsnet today!

There are active imaginations on Mumsnet 24/7. The world is too dangerous for adult women to walk on there own, apparently, let alone a 5 minute walk for a 7 year old. At that age my peers and I were being sent to the shop for groceries. We never met fighting teens, vicious dogs, flashers, or attempted kidnappers.

BodyKeepingScore · 15/12/2023 14:58

Wonderwoman333 · 14/12/2023 23:33

No, this is far too young, this would be irresponsible parenting

And yet children all over the world age 8 and younger navigate public transport themselves and run errands into town for their family? Are the UK the only country with responsible parents then?

DemelzaandRoss · 15/12/2023 15:09

Far too young. Wouldn’t cross my mind to even consider this.

margotrose · 15/12/2023 15:34

It's no wonder so many children grow up completely incapable of navigating the world when they're not even allowed to walk less than 5 minutes down the road at age seven.

It makes me very glad that I live somewhere where life seems a lot more sane!

notahappybunny7 · 15/12/2023 16:23

SaltyGod · 15/12/2023 14:26

I’d let my sensible 8yr old do this. I’d ask that a parent messages me when they arrive so I know all is well. I’d also practice the journey with them and be sure they can safely cross the road.

I have a less sensible child that I’d probably rather was nearer 9.

I was walking to and from school alone at 8 quite happily, including crossing quiet roads.

I wouldn’t be worried about aggressive teenagers, ferocious dogs, car accidents or kidnappings. There are some active imaginations on Mumsnet today!

Do you read the news? You don’t need an active imagination to worry about dog attacks or kids being hit by cars, it’s a daily occurrence! The real far fetched opinions are that kids won’t be able to navigate the world at 18 because they weren’t completely independent at 8!!

Runninghappy · 15/12/2023 16:39

No. People are always in a hurry for their children to grow up and they have a lifetime ahead of them to behave like older children or adults. At 8 they are still too young to do this. Children may want to because they don’t understand the risks - which is exactly why they are too young to do it.

margotrose · 15/12/2023 16:56

Runninghappy · 15/12/2023 16:39

No. People are always in a hurry for their children to grow up and they have a lifetime ahead of them to behave like older children or adults. At 8 they are still too young to do this. Children may want to because they don’t understand the risks - which is exactly why they are too young to do it.

They're clearly not too young, though, because children even younger than 8 seem to manage it just fine in other countries.

The UK isn't some shockingly dangerous island in comparison to everywhere else.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2023 17:00

Nope! Kids can’t walk home from school alone at 7- and for a reason. No way!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2023 17:03

It’s not even the small chance of abduction- it’s the car risk, crossing the road, escooters etc- way too young to navigate these risks.

margotrose · 15/12/2023 17:04

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2023 17:00

Nope! Kids can’t walk home from school alone at 7- and for a reason. No way!

Except they manage it just fine in other countries, and in plenty of areas in the UK too.

Brainfogmcfogface · 15/12/2023 17:04

It’s so strange, at 7 I was going all over my estate, didn’t see my parents for hours, used to get my mum bits from the shop (which was across a road and on another estate) but me, nope, though my oldest is almost 10, and we have a shop about the same distance, probably closer to be fair, and she’s incredibly mature for her age I still wouldn’t let her, even I think I’m OTT but I just can’t bring myself to.
So my brain says nba OP, but my heart say no way and yabu but I’m not sure why

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 15/12/2023 17:11

Whyohwhywyoming · 14/12/2023 23:40

I wouldn’t and the reason is that, like most kids in the 80s I did this, also like many kids in the 80s I had a number of weird interactions with adults my mum never knew about, including being flashed more than once. So I’m always a bit dubious about the “oh we used to do this and it was fine!” Was it fine? Really?

Yes but many of us in 70s/80s avoided the flashers/strange men and really they were only a handful of times. I was getting the bus about 20-30 minutes away to go swimming with a friend at 9/10. Stepdad drove past once and offered us a lift (buses could be unreliable).

I regularly see (have seen today) either very small children who are teenagers or 9-10 year olds walking to get the bus to school, no parents, SE London suburb.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 15/12/2023 17:14

Brainfogmcfogface · 15/12/2023 17:04

It’s so strange, at 7 I was going all over my estate, didn’t see my parents for hours, used to get my mum bits from the shop (which was across a road and on another estate) but me, nope, though my oldest is almost 10, and we have a shop about the same distance, probably closer to be fair, and she’s incredibly mature for her age I still wouldn’t let her, even I think I’m OTT but I just can’t bring myself to.
So my brain says nba OP, but my heart say no way and yabu but I’m not sure why

But in a sense if you don’t let your DD do this occasionally when do you?

The odd errand either with money or card (how to keep safe obviously) builds their confidence and makes them a bit more street wise. Go with her and or follow from a distance.

MissBuffyAnneSummers · 15/12/2023 17:15

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2023 17:00

Nope! Kids can’t walk home from school alone at 7- and for a reason. No way!

I'm always amazed at the cultural gulf between Scotland and England in this issue.

It's completely normal in many parts Scotland to walk home from school. Go out to play etc at this age.

Gonnagetgoingreturnsagain · 15/12/2023 17:16

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 15/12/2023 17:03

It’s not even the small chance of abduction- it’s the car risk, crossing the road, escooters etc- way too young to navigate these risks.

OP says it’s a safe village! How do kids learn road safety if not through practice? And by themselves.

Greengagesnfennel · 15/12/2023 17:17

I think this is ok as there is a pedestrian crossing.

You are doing it right watching him the first few times so you check you can trust him to be patient and wait for the green man. (Give him the - you lose this privilege of you don't do this - warning) you are right that the main risk is cars. It's very different a child making their own decision to cross a road versus just going along with the adult with you. If he's the responsible sort that you can trust to wait for the green man then I think it's fine.