Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to get people to leave on Xmas day

200 replies

Elfie23 · 14/12/2023 20:42

As above really.

Last year I hosted 9 of us family and explicitly asked / banned my mum from drinking too much as she's a pain in the arse when she's had a few drinks, annoying everyone, talking about stuff no one wants to talk about (usually BIL dead parents or morbid stuff, or telling us how we don't 'talk' enough as a family which could never be her fault for not having those kinds of conversations with us as kids). The ban was mainly for my DC sake as they don't need to see that. I don't have a big place at all and it was utter carnage. Just not enough space for everyone to move etc. Vowed never again.

Well - DB and his other half and child are away at Xmas and DC is at their dads so leaves 5 adults. (I was going to Dsis originally and DB to our parents then meet in the evening for a bit before they announced their plans)

It's somehow ended up at mine again.
Now - I like a drink but my mum does my head in after a while and my sister has a gob the size of Mersey Tunnel after a few.

Last year I eventually said about 8pm I've had enough and literally could have cried, found the day so stressful as couldn't move, constantly needing to wash up or move something / find something etc. Basically hated Christmas last year.
I'm not a very good host.

Ideally I'd like to have dinner, maybe a few drinks and for everyone to sod off by about 7 so I can watch the soaps in peace - how do I manage this?

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 15/12/2023 10:44

Just tell them no, not this year. They’ve plenty of time to buy a turkey.

JamieKnows · 15/12/2023 11:03

"Great plan. Just need to write to the BBC and ask them to broadcast EastEnders at 7am on Christmas Day instead then!

Jesus wept."

Well it's not on until quarter to ten so the OP might have problems anyway 🤣

JamieKnows · 15/12/2023 11:06

"I digress, but what on earth is 'coca cola ham',"

Ugh, it's one of those slimming world "hacks" 🤢

Being served that on Christmas Day will give the rent a gob sister something to moan about

RedPony1 · 15/12/2023 12:05

CateringPanic · 14/12/2023 21:01

I think that’s very early to expect people to leave on Christmas Day. That’s the time when the pate and cheese usually comes out!

Growing up people never left my parents until at least 9:30/10pm and that was usually just because one of the grandparents needed to be driven home.

We hosted last Xmas and BIL and gf left about 10:30/11. MIL AND FIL didn’t leave until 1am Boxing Day morning.

I’m not saying you need to have them there until midnight but it’s a bit rubbish to kick them out at 7pm to go home and twiddle their thumbs

we leave or kick people out around 4pm - got animals to look after 😁

MargotBamborough · 15/12/2023 12:36

JamieKnows · 15/12/2023 11:06

"I digress, but what on earth is 'coca cola ham',"

Ugh, it's one of those slimming world "hacks" 🤢

Being served that on Christmas Day will give the rent a gob sister something to moan about

I tried making this a few months ago.

It tasted OK, nothing to write home about, but good God it smelled awful while it was boiling.

whenlifegivesyoulemonssuckonthem · 15/12/2023 12:51

You had me convinced until - "Two bottles of wine between five people for Christmas lunch"

Ha ha ha ha .............

UsingChangeofName · 15/12/2023 13:11

I agree. You are either hosting Christmas Day or you aren't. You can't chuck people out at 7 to spend the evening in their own. I'd be depressed at that thought and quite offended.

Ha Ha

@CateringPanic and @WhatNoUsername - has it ever crossed your mind that people might do things differently from you ?
Even on threads where it has been explicitly laid out ?

Adm1010new · 15/12/2023 13:54

I’m in this position

I’m hosting but I struggle later in the day as I’m tired and just want people to go! Last year I fell asleep on the sofa and people still stayed!

This year I sent a WhatsApp stating I’m happy to host but I need people gone by 9pm

Im a bit nervous of how to go about it if they don’t leave but my husband has said he will support me to find a way!

send the text . You will feel better for it . Good luck

GRex · 15/12/2023 18:18

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 15/12/2023 09:09

I digress, but what on earth is 'coca cola ham', @GRex ?

I think the original recipe was Nigella, but here is one of thousands of versions: https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/slow-cooker-gammon. It's just sweeter than a slow cooker without it. DH's aunt always makes it for us.

Slow cooker gammon in cola recipe | BBC Good Food

Fill your kitchen with the smell of Christmas with this slow cooked gammon. The cola adds a sweet treacly flavour to balance the saltiness of the ham.

https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/slow-cooker-gammon.

GRex · 15/12/2023 18:20

JamieKnows · 15/12/2023 11:06

"I digress, but what on earth is 'coca cola ham',"

Ugh, it's one of those slimming world "hacks" 🤢

Being served that on Christmas Day will give the rent a gob sister something to moan about

Adding a bunch of sugar doesn't sound very slimming, are you sure you haven't confused this with something else?

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 15/12/2023 18:31

GRex · 15/12/2023 18:18

I think the original recipe was Nigella, but here is one of thousands of versions: https://www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/slow-cooker-gammon. It's just sweeter than a slow cooker without it. DH's aunt always makes it for us.

Show quote history

Thank you! Interesting. Probably not going to grace my festive table. Or at any time of year.

suki1964 · 15/12/2023 20:09

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 15/12/2023 18:31

Thank you! Interesting. Probably not going to grace my festive table. Or at any time of year.

Show quote history

I know lots of people who do make it and swear by it, you get the sugary glaze flavour without having to baste and roast. I however am a traditionalist and keep the boiling water to make the soup on Boxing Day

WavingCatsandDogs · 15/12/2023 20:27

What my brother used to do when he had us all up after Christmas.

Don't put the heating on all day.

Even though chest infection prone elderly father there,

It worked though. Cold house cold people.

ApolloandDaphne · 16/12/2023 09:24

ChocolateCinderToffee · 15/12/2023 04:24

Definitely cut back on the booze. Two bottles of wine is plenty between five people. If anyone complains say ‘I think we’ve all had enough to drink’. NOTHING gets rid of people who like a drink faster than no booze.

Really? On Christmas Day? I'm glad I'm not coming to yours for Christmas.

Tilllly · 16/12/2023 10:44

I'm with you @ApolloandDaphne
That amnt of wine will do ME for Cmas day 🤣🤣🤣

Sartre · 16/12/2023 10:46

My stepdad puts something really boring on TV and that’s always the signal for us to leave. He’s never actively admitted to this but we instinctively know when a crap programme about railways comes on, it’s our time to vacate.

LlynTegid · 16/12/2023 10:48

The church one won't work as most do not have services after lunchtime on Christmas Day. The heating or falling asleep might. Tell them now not on the day whatever time you set. Arriving at 11am and still being there nine hours later I agree is excessive.

exaltedwombat · 16/12/2023 18:30

If you're GOING to host Christmas day you can't really cut off at 7pm. What will they do? It's too late to join another group.

wizzywig · 16/12/2023 18:35

Say you're going vegan for Christmas

Mrsjayy · 16/12/2023 18:35

exaltedwombat · 16/12/2023 18:30

If you're GOING to host Christmas day you can't really cut off at 7pm. What will they do? It's too late to join another group.

they can go home and relax maybe have a drink in their own houses.

Onedicktoanother · 16/12/2023 18:44

I would say that that you have rats and had just seen one running cross your kitchen.

PUGMEISTER21 · 16/12/2023 19:03

How about "Right everybody, we are going to try something different this year. Go ahead, put your keys in the bowl". Of course there is a danger that this could backfire.

GillianCarole · 16/12/2023 19:29

Not if they've been there most of the day!

Workway · 16/12/2023 19:58

I sympathise as I have similar with my family. So here are my tips:

  • serve some sort of breakfast as soon as they arrive. People are much worse drinking on an empty stomach. Something like smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel on a platter/napkins means pretty much zero washing up and doesn't cause a mess. Serves food and have snacks on hand all day - people just can't drink as much on a full stomach and they'll be more likely to be tired than boisterous
  • after the initial drinks when people are tipsy but not yet full blown drunk - swap out alcohol for alcohol free - you can get 0% gin, when you add nice tonics it's harder to detect that it's 0%, or of course go for very small measures. Keep your drinks out of the main room and make sure you do the pouring wherever possible
  • serve food at 3pm and then after dinner suggest a walk or going to church (no one will want to go - it might make them say, oh I'm so tired I think I'm going to have to head off)
  • make a Christmas punch - again 0% alcohol but just say it's a punch, that hopefully keeps people hydrated

But my main tip is keep people feeling stuffed - it's just not easy to get legless when you're full to the brim.

More realistically though, I'd aim for them leaving around 9pm rather than 7pm.