Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How to get people to leave on Xmas day

200 replies

Elfie23 · 14/12/2023 20:42

As above really.

Last year I hosted 9 of us family and explicitly asked / banned my mum from drinking too much as she's a pain in the arse when she's had a few drinks, annoying everyone, talking about stuff no one wants to talk about (usually BIL dead parents or morbid stuff, or telling us how we don't 'talk' enough as a family which could never be her fault for not having those kinds of conversations with us as kids). The ban was mainly for my DC sake as they don't need to see that. I don't have a big place at all and it was utter carnage. Just not enough space for everyone to move etc. Vowed never again.

Well - DB and his other half and child are away at Xmas and DC is at their dads so leaves 5 adults. (I was going to Dsis originally and DB to our parents then meet in the evening for a bit before they announced their plans)

It's somehow ended up at mine again.
Now - I like a drink but my mum does my head in after a while and my sister has a gob the size of Mersey Tunnel after a few.

Last year I eventually said about 8pm I've had enough and literally could have cried, found the day so stressful as couldn't move, constantly needing to wash up or move something / find something etc. Basically hated Christmas last year.
I'm not a very good host.

Ideally I'd like to have dinner, maybe a few drinks and for everyone to sod off by about 7 so I can watch the soaps in peace - how do I manage this?

OP posts:
OnaKitchenRoll · 15/12/2023 08:22

Is there anywhere you can all go like an open pub or other family member's house, or even a walk. Once people are out of the house it's much easier to not let them back in rather than kick them out. Otherwise I'd invent a friend's house you've been invited to at 7

listsandbudgets · 15/12/2023 08:23

tell them you need more help this year.. we usually go to my mums as she has biggest house ( usually 18 of us!) but we all contribute towards the meal.. e.g pre prepared veg, puddings, cheese board etc. dp and i usually bring all the wine as we are appalling cooks AND she's banned from washing up. we don't leave until all the pans are clean, table is tidied, surfaces are wiped wrapping paper is bagged up and last load is running in dishwasher. hosting is tiring you at least deserve help along the way and to be left in a clean place to put your feet up

This year issue instructions.. announce you're going to sit-down or go for a walk while everyone else clears up as you cooked/ made preperations etc.

christmas is about family being together not one person ending up beyond exhausted Flowers

TorroFerney · 15/12/2023 08:25

Elfie23 · 14/12/2023 22:24

They'd arrive around 11ish I would think, unfortunately it's never a board game situation, if it was I'd be more than happy with that. What I want to avoid is a pissed up mother sprouting her opinions and no one else is allowed to give hers and my sister's massive gob shouting over everyone x

Show quote history

Now I think that’s really early. My mum and father in law arrive (well we collect them) at two and would leave by seven. People, well the one woman who is saying people should stay til midnight or you are a bad host may want to consider that everyone doesn’t have fun easy going relatives.

listsandbudgets · 15/12/2023 08:27

loving g idea of 7pm as prime nibbles and games. with kids we've usually been up since 5.30am. all i want to do at 7pm is take dog for a walk, have a nath curl up with a good book and christmas chocolates and l plate full of lovely things.. ues nibbles i suppose but definitely should be a peaceful time

TorroFerney · 15/12/2023 08:27

DitheringBlidiot · 15/12/2023 05:39

Has it occurred to you that OP doesn't have the same Christmas you do? I think 7pm is perfectly acceptable. I've never once had "nibbles and games" and if I wanted to have them, and I wanted everyone out, I'd have them earlier.

Show quote history

Oh god this with bells on. The utter inability to consider others are different is staggering.

Ellmau · 15/12/2023 08:29

Invent a reason to go out at 7.30pm, eg volunteering at a soup kitchen/working an extra shift, been invited to Debbie and David's a half hours walk away etc. Tell them NOW, you're doing X, and every subsequent time you speak to them.
On the day serve alcohol only with food, then tea/coffee/hot chocolate.
Remind them they're leaving at 7 because you have to leave at 7.30.

Could backfire - they might be the types to say, OK, we'll just wait here and see you later...

suki1964 · 15/12/2023 08:31

@CateringPanic Cheese and pate at 7pm? lol

Sorry that made me laugh, but Im sure your Christmas Day is lovely

Our Christmas Day will have us asleep on the sofa at 7pm not wanting to see food for another week :) But then we socialise in the morning, friends pop in, we meet up with friends in the pub for an hour. Dinner is from 3pm - starters and the kings speech , main course, pressie opening, coffee and mints, dog walking and clean up - and settled up snoozing for 7 - 8 at the very latest. Might have a board game or a few games of cards at the table whilst having coffee but basically once the table is left, hosting ends and its fend for yourselves

After Christmas dinner there is no room to eat or drink any more

OP, just be very clear on how YOU want the day to go. What time you want people there and what help you want - here its mums job to lay the table and make the Marie Rose sauce, Mr S's job is peel the veg and keep the rubbish heading out to the wheelie and compost. Anyone else are expected to make their own drinks, and sort themselves out - I do the cooking, everyone is expected to help clear away. And in this house when we leave the table its time for those not stopping to go home. You need to decide on your end time and stick. with it

Mine is like this as I have memories of being invited to others for Christmas and just wanting to leave around 4pm and feeling like I was EXPECTED to stay on

laclochette · 15/12/2023 08:32

Tell them in advance, be honest that you want a relaxing evening to yourself, but in the same breath/message make it clear that they'll have a wonderful time while they're there, when dinner will be served/rough timings for the day etc so it's clear you won't be booting them out while they're still on the cheese course (and so they are sure to arrive in time and don't delay the whole day!), and so on. Pad the schedule a bit if need be. Be a generous host AND know and maintain your boundaries. Have a lovely day!

user1492757084 · 15/12/2023 08:33

Can you serve cheese toasties and soft drinks after a certain hour so they are not off their head and not too drunk to drive home?

If they BYO alcohol, control might be out of your hands.
You could plan to supply non alcoholic drinks.

Smugandproud · 15/12/2023 08:38

Tell them you're all going for a walk. Make sure they all have their belongings and then be at the back and as the last one steps out shout bye and shut and lock the door.

Anisette · 15/12/2023 08:44

Elfie23 · 14/12/2023 22:29

Well I thought I had got out of it and was going to my sisters (very small 1 bed flat) and brother and his family to my parents.
(Parents used to have a much bigger place but decided to downsize and the dining room and lounge are now pretty small which is fine for them but not for hosting) I have a large dining/ lounge much easier to fit 5 in.

When Bro announced they won't be here I said to my mum oh are you and dad having your first Christmas dinner in peace for 40 years (we were usually always at theirs) and she said she'd let me know...then said as there's only 5 might as well all be together - won't fit anywhere but mine...

Didn't want to cause a riot and was hoping it would be better than last year, I think it could be if I can get out there that as long as they're not off their faces I don't mind how long they stay, it's the drunken shite I can't be dealing with

Show quote history

The trouble with that is that, once they're pissed, they won't remember that you said it was a no-no. You could try just not having alcohol in the house, but will they bring their own?

A friend of ours used to just ask people if they knew where the door was when he wanted them to go. It worked very well.

determinedtomakethiswork · 15/12/2023 08:46

Can't your sister and your mum and the others go back to one of their houses?

GRex · 15/12/2023 08:47

Another option would be to book a pub Christmss lunch for everyone as a treat, then just leave them there after you've eaten.

FrostyFogg · 15/12/2023 08:50

Stifledlife · 15/12/2023 08:04

My father used to stand by the front door and sing the national anthem. He also used to wait until someone stood up then shake their hand and say "it was lovely to see you. Thank you for leaving"

My father was much the same!

ticktickticktickBOOM · 15/12/2023 08:50

I'm going to send a txt message to everyone saying
Arrival anytime 12.30 - 2.30pm
Roast Feast 3pm(ish)
Coaches 7pm

Redshoeblueshoe · 15/12/2023 08:51

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 14/12/2023 20:51

Turn the heating off!!

Excellent idea

fussygalore77 · 15/12/2023 09:01

God it sounds awful. I'd have to come down with a bug a couple of days before so they have time to sort themselves out and I'd cancel and have Xmas day iny PJ's in peace!

ChateauDuMont · 15/12/2023 09:05

You tell guests in advance and then an hour before you remind them and then bang on the nose you say 'Goodbye' or 'Get out'. Or both.

CleansUpButWouldPreferNotTo · 15/12/2023 09:09

I digress, but what on earth is 'coca cola ham', @GRex ?

RantyAnty · 15/12/2023 09:22

I think tell them in advance and hide the booze.

One glass of wine with dinner.
One fancy drink afterwards

is plenty especially if people are driving

SandyWaves · 15/12/2023 09:28

Loudly announce its time for everyone to help clean up...they'll be out the door very swiftly!

Jellywobblescobbles · 15/12/2023 09:31

WannabeMathematician · 14/12/2023 21:09

@CateringPanic So the options are 12 hours or nothing? Seems draconian.

Edited

I agree! what with all the camping out for hpurs and hours at other people houses all about? surely have your meal have a nice time then know when to go home - why on earth would the assumption be that they would be twiddling their thumbs?

ChristmasTreeStar · 15/12/2023 10:19

Dont put yourself through it again. Just say no

Haveyouseenthemuffinman · 15/12/2023 10:22

I’m slightly terrified by the thought of people staying late into the evening having turned up late morning (apart from overnight visitors, of course).

lesdeluges · 15/12/2023 10:29

This is what I would do...

Have as nice a lunch as you can, enjoy it while everyone is relatively sober.

Tolerate things until you can't. Then develop a migraine/tummy upset/whatever and go up to your room, close the door, put on your earpods and watch TV or Netflix on your tablet while cosy in bed.

Let them rant, get hammered, argue etc. It won't matter to you. If anyone comes into your room, tell them you are not feeling great and to help themselves and enjoy the leftovers. You will have hosted, provided food and drink and a warm home for them to enjoy. NO GUILT.

(Be sure to bring a stash up with you though, that's important, grog, scoff, choc and water and paracetemol for the morning). I have experience in these matters.

Swipe left for the next trending thread