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Original poster

How to get people to leave on Xmas day

200 replies

Elfie23 · 14/12/2023 20:42

As above really.

Last year I hosted 9 of us family and explicitly asked / banned my mum from drinking too much as she's a pain in the arse when she's had a few drinks, annoying everyone, talking about stuff no one wants to talk about (usually BIL dead parents or morbid stuff, or telling us how we don't 'talk' enough as a family which could never be her fault for not having those kinds of conversations with us as kids). The ban was mainly for my DC sake as they don't need to see that. I don't have a big place at all and it was utter carnage. Just not enough space for everyone to move etc. Vowed never again.

Well - DB and his other half and child are away at Xmas and DC is at their dads so leaves 5 adults. (I was going to Dsis originally and DB to our parents then meet in the evening for a bit before they announced their plans)

It's somehow ended up at mine again.
Now - I like a drink but my mum does my head in after a while and my sister has a gob the size of Mersey Tunnel after a few.

Last year I eventually said about 8pm I've had enough and literally could have cried, found the day so stressful as couldn't move, constantly needing to wash up or move something / find something etc. Basically hated Christmas last year.
I'm not a very good host.

Ideally I'd like to have dinner, maybe a few drinks and for everyone to sod off by about 7 so I can watch the soaps in peace - how do I manage this?

OP posts:
shearwater2 · 14/12/2023 21:14

My visitors leave about 6-7pm. They only have to walk five minutes home. They arrive about 12pm. More than enough.

DidiAskYouThough · 14/12/2023 21:15

@CateringPanic the people in OP house clearly won’t be doing ‘nibbles and games’, but drunkenly gobbing off.

Why are you choosing to host them OP? Opt out or go to a restaurant.

GrandHighPoohbah · 14/12/2023 21:17

CateringPanic · 14/12/2023 21:07

@gamerchick I did host my own family last year as I described. And when I host I do if graciously without kicking people out into the cold early evening on Christmas night. If you host you need to do it properly or not at all

I guess that depends how often they expect you to host. DH and I have hosted his brother and sister every Christmas for the past 17 years. We pay for everything. They always arrive at least an hour before we say, and don't help all day. By 7pm I am fed up with running around so, yeah, we ask them to leave then.

stepintochristmas1 · 14/12/2023 21:18

I would make sure the main meal you serve is early enough so you can time it so that people would start to get hungry around 8 pm . Don't leave any food lying around like sweets , fruit or nuts . Hunger is such that it will drive them home .

Menomeno · 14/12/2023 21:21

CateringPanic · 14/12/2023 21:11

@WannabeMathematician no, but the OP could consider what time they arrive instead of what time they leave if she wants some peace on the day. It just seems really mean spirited to kick people out at prime nibbles and games time!

You’re looking at it from your own experience. ”Prime nibbles and games time” in your house is “Everyone bladdered and arguing” in another. OP has already explained that Christmas Day evening isn’t a nice experience in her house, it’s ‘utter carnage’. IME, Christmas Day guests are often piss-takers and what should be a nice day becomes horrendously stressful.

OP, tell them your conditions for hosting. If they don’t like it they can stay away, but you’re entitled to exert your boundaries. I hope you enjoy your day, and a restful evening!

mondaytosunday · 14/12/2023 21:25

It's family -just tell them beforehand and on the day at about 6.30 start (with DH's help) to stand up get people's coats and thank them for coming!

Caffeineislife · 14/12/2023 21:25

DH's grandad's favourite - take yourself off for a bath. When Granny used to host Christmas and dinner parties with their friends (very much like Hyacinth bucket's candle lit dinner parties), when he got fed up of a house full he used to get up and say, right im off for a bath. Everyone used to start shuffling off.

Tone down the hosting - not refilling drinks so people have to get their own. Say you are going to make a sandwich and say if anyone wants one then help yourself. Very much make it a help yourself affair after a certain time. Uncomfortable chairs are a great help too. Just bag yourself a comfy one.

NorthCliffs · 14/12/2023 21:26

Bernard Black does it best ...

Whatineed · 14/12/2023 21:29

Elfie23 · 14/12/2023 20:42

As above really.

Last year I hosted 9 of us family and explicitly asked / banned my mum from drinking too much as she's a pain in the arse when she's had a few drinks, annoying everyone, talking about stuff no one wants to talk about (usually BIL dead parents or morbid stuff, or telling us how we don't 'talk' enough as a family which could never be her fault for not having those kinds of conversations with us as kids). The ban was mainly for my DC sake as they don't need to see that. I don't have a big place at all and it was utter carnage. Just not enough space for everyone to move etc. Vowed never again.

Well - DB and his other half and child are away at Xmas and DC is at their dads so leaves 5 adults. (I was going to Dsis originally and DB to our parents then meet in the evening for a bit before they announced their plans)

It's somehow ended up at mine again.
Now - I like a drink but my mum does my head in after a while and my sister has a gob the size of Mersey Tunnel after a few.

Last year I eventually said about 8pm I've had enough and literally could have cried, found the day so stressful as couldn't move, constantly needing to wash up or move something / find something etc. Basically hated Christmas last year.
I'm not a very good host.

Ideally I'd like to have dinner, maybe a few drinks and for everyone to sod off by about 7 so I can watch the soaps in peace - how do I manage this?

If it's just adults can't you book lunch/dinner at a pub or local hotel then all leave and go to your respective homes after?

WaitingForMojo · 14/12/2023 21:29

CateringPanic · 14/12/2023 21:07

@gamerchick I did host my own family last year as I described. And when I host I do if graciously without kicking people out into the cold early evening on Christmas night. If you host you need to do it properly or not at all

Not really! There isn’t one way to do it ‘properly’. Calling in for part of Christmas Day is also a thing!!

doitwithlove · 14/12/2023 21:29

Covid is a good shout

RMNofTikTok · 14/12/2023 21:31

When you want them to leave, say

"It's been great having you here today, thank you for coming. How are you planning on getting home? Let me get your coat for you". Pass them their shoes. Then open the front door and say "I'll see you soon, have a good evening!"

Most people get the hint with that lol

Ponderingwindow · 14/12/2023 21:35

I have family members that don’t behave when they drink. I don’t serve alcohol when they are in my home, even if it’s a celebration. I don’t want to deal with their behavior and I don’t want my child exposed to it.

CherryBlossom321 · 14/12/2023 21:38

What do you mean it’s “somehow” ended up at yours again? You’re allowed to say no to hosting if you don’t want to, it’s your house.
Also bollocks to suggestions of feigned illness and trips, just “You’re welcome at ours (assuming they actually are, though I’m not convinced!) from 12pm until 7pm.”

Winnading · 14/12/2023 21:41

CateringPanic · 14/12/2023 21:07

@gamerchick I did host my own family last year as I described. And when I host I do if graciously without kicking people out into the cold early evening on Christmas night. If you host you need to do it properly or not at all

I'm hosting this Christmas, everyone will be gone by 8pm.
Someone is not drinking, they are taking people home (and picking them up). So we all agreed 8 so the non drinker can drink a bit. I will also send them home with plenty of leftovers and any drinks I bought specially for each person.

No one will be cold, everyone will be thrilled I'm cooking and will say thank you. Or they will never be invited again.
I'm not a bad host for having times and boundaries. I will need the following day to regain my equilibrium. I will have had enough by 8pm, so I need to state this in advance.

greencheetah · 14/12/2023 21:41

I don’t understand how you are hosting if you don’t want to? Surely you just say “oh God no! Never again after last year!”

“Get Covid “ and have the Christmas you want.

Mrsjayy · 14/12/2023 21:45

CateringPanic · 14/12/2023 21:12

@Mrsjayy if you facilitate a nice time for your guests then you aren’t “letting them stay”, everyone is just having a nice time

but the op.is fasciitating a nice time isn't she just she doesn't want it to last all night.

InSpainTheRain · 14/12/2023 22:12

Don't get any alcohol out - they will leave on time :) seriously though why host if you don't like it and it was carnage last year?

WhereYouLeftIt · 14/12/2023 22:13

CateringPanic · 14/12/2023 21:01

I think that’s very early to expect people to leave on Christmas Day. That’s the time when the pate and cheese usually comes out!

Growing up people never left my parents until at least 9:30/10pm and that was usually just because one of the grandparents needed to be driven home.

We hosted last Xmas and BIL and gf left about 10:30/11. MIL AND FIL didn’t leave until 1am Boxing Day morning.

I’m not saying you need to have them there until midnight but it’s a bit rubbish to kick them out at 7pm to go home and twiddle their thumbs

Fuck NO! We used to make it clear that we intended to watch the Doctor Who Christmas Special, they were welcome to stay and watch it with us - or not. The decks were usually cleared by 6pm, given they'd been at ours since 1pm I think that's quite enough hosting thank you very much. TBH I think everyone wanted to get home and put their feet up in front of their own telly anyway.

TomatoSandwiches · 14/12/2023 22:16

Lock most of the alcohol away and stash the key/hide it so they hop off home for drinks after pudding.

TeaGinandFags · 14/12/2023 22:17

Borrow a friend's pet rat and release it at the appointed hour. Job done.

When I was a teenager I had some white mice that I dipped in food dye. Perfect for end of party hint.

Original poster
Elfie23 · 14/12/2023 22:21

Santaiswashinghissleigh · 14/12/2023 20:51

Turn the heating off!!

Hahah great idea!

OP posts:
Original poster
Elfie23 · 14/12/2023 22:21

Cheeseplantalltheway · 14/12/2023 20:55

This was accidental, but one year DH and I just fell asleep while everyone was still there.

They realised it was time to leave.

Also enjoying this idea!

OP posts:
Benibidibici · 14/12/2023 22:21

when I host I do if graciously without kicking people out into the cold early evening on Christmas night. If you host you need to do it properly or not at all

What rubbish. Its perfectly possible to host a daytime event that ends at tea time so you have your evening to yourself.

If the main meal is christmas lunch and that's what guests are invited for, its completely normal to expect people to drift off home by 7pm.

UsingChangeofName · 14/12/2023 22:23

At this stage it's a bit difficult to know what to advise you. I think you just tell them all now that you were shattered last year, so, if they want to come this year, then they need to come on the understanding you are hosting from 1 - 6.30 or whatever, and not 10 or 11 hours. Make it really clear- family WhatsApp or whatever so no-one can say you didn't tell them - and stick to it. "Does anyone want a brew before you go?" at 6pm. "I;ll get your coats then" at 6.30.

What I can't understand is why you are hosting them this year? You had plenty of reasons why not -
You did your bit / took your turn last year
Your house is small
Your dc isn't there so you don't want to be doing a big Christmas
It was utter carnage last year
You are/ were going to your sister's