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Original poster

How to get people to leave on Xmas day

200 replies

Elfie23 · 14/12/2023 20:42

As above really.

Last year I hosted 9 of us family and explicitly asked / banned my mum from drinking too much as she's a pain in the arse when she's had a few drinks, annoying everyone, talking about stuff no one wants to talk about (usually BIL dead parents or morbid stuff, or telling us how we don't 'talk' enough as a family which could never be her fault for not having those kinds of conversations with us as kids). The ban was mainly for my DC sake as they don't need to see that. I don't have a big place at all and it was utter carnage. Just not enough space for everyone to move etc. Vowed never again.

Well - DB and his other half and child are away at Xmas and DC is at their dads so leaves 5 adults. (I was going to Dsis originally and DB to our parents then meet in the evening for a bit before they announced their plans)

It's somehow ended up at mine again.
Now - I like a drink but my mum does my head in after a while and my sister has a gob the size of Mersey Tunnel after a few.

Last year I eventually said about 8pm I've had enough and literally could have cried, found the day so stressful as couldn't move, constantly needing to wash up or move something / find something etc. Basically hated Christmas last year.
I'm not a very good host.

Ideally I'd like to have dinner, maybe a few drinks and for everyone to sod off by about 7 so I can watch the soaps in peace - how do I manage this?

OP posts:
Original poster
Elfie23 · 14/12/2023 22:24

CateringPanic · 14/12/2023 21:11

@WannabeMathematician no, but the OP could consider what time they arrive instead of what time they leave if she wants some peace on the day. It just seems really mean spirited to kick people out at prime nibbles and games time!

They'd arrive around 11ish I would think, unfortunately it's never a board game situation, if it was I'd be more than happy with that. What I want to avoid is a pissed up mother sprouting her opinions and no one else is allowed to give hers and my sister's massive gob shouting over everyone x

OP posts:
Original poster
Elfie23 · 14/12/2023 22:29

DidiAskYouThough · 14/12/2023 21:15

@CateringPanic the people in OP house clearly won’t be doing ‘nibbles and games’, but drunkenly gobbing off.

Why are you choosing to host them OP? Opt out or go to a restaurant.

Well I thought I had got out of it and was going to my sisters (very small 1 bed flat) and brother and his family to my parents.
(Parents used to have a much bigger place but decided to downsize and the dining room and lounge are now pretty small which is fine for them but not for hosting) I have a large dining/ lounge much easier to fit 5 in.

When Bro announced they won't be here I said to my mum oh are you and dad having your first Christmas dinner in peace for 40 years (we were usually always at theirs) and she said she'd let me know...then said as there's only 5 might as well all be together - won't fit anywhere but mine...

Didn't want to cause a riot and was hoping it would be better than last year, I think it could be if I can get out there that as long as they're not off their faces I don't mind how long they stay, it's the drunken shite I can't be dealing with

OP posts:
SleepingBeautySnores · 14/12/2023 22:34

Tell them in advance that you will have had enough by 7pm, then at 6.30pm stand up and say 'sorry folks but I'm going to throw you out now, I've done my bit for the day, and I'm ready for a nice bath and to put my feet up'. If you say it with a smile on your face, it works every time in my experience. Then just to show you mean it, go and start getting coats, and say 'right, who's coat is this?' That usually shows even the most determined guest that it's time to go.

Foxyaus · 14/12/2023 22:36

Your house, your rules.

Cut the alcohol back to a drink with the meal and nothing more!
And if they complain, just shrug your shoulders and say "My house, my rules ".

Give them a clear finish time when they arrive.
And if they complain, repeat "my house, my rules".

Now some people will say that is being too blunt, but your alcohol fueled family sound like they forget basic good social manners, so blunt is probably what's required for them to take you seriously.

Mrsjayy · 14/12/2023 22:38

I would limit your alcohol is it wine you all dink I'd get fewer bottles and once its gone its gone don't break open the drinks cabinet. and definitely home by 7 she can drink in her own house, be assertive though.

ThinWomansBrain · 14/12/2023 22:40

Be clear at the outset what time you expect them to leave.

Failing that, my parents used to entertain a lot - when my Father had had enough he'd reappear in his pyjamas and start vacuuming.

Greenpolkadot · 14/12/2023 22:41

Foxyaus · 14/12/2023 22:36

Your house, your rules.

Cut the alcohol back to a drink with the meal and nothing more!
And if they complain, just shrug your shoulders and say "My house, my rules ".

Give them a clear finish time when they arrive.
And if they complain, repeat "my house, my rules".

Now some people will say that is being too blunt, but your alcohol fueled family sound like they forget basic good social manners, so blunt is probably what's required for them to take you seriously.

Exactly this.
Don't have loads of drink in..if you do then hide it.
If there isn't enough to provide your mother with a skin full then she may get bored and go home early

spidermonkeys · 14/12/2023 22:49

Cheeseplantalltheway · 14/12/2023 20:55

This was accidental, but one year DH and I just fell asleep while everyone was still there.

They realised it was time to leave.

This is not a guarantee!

I fell asleep one year and MIL and FIL just stayed. They left at around 1130. I haven't hosted since 😂

curtaintwitcher78 · 14/12/2023 22:50

Can you just say you don't feel well, fuck off upstairs for some kip/soaps and leave them to it?

SheerLucks · 14/12/2023 23:43

Wow. This must be the most un-Christmassy post I've ever read.

MeinKraft · 14/12/2023 23:48

Don't buy in any alcohol. Or rather, do but don't crack it open til they've buggered off. Which should be early enough when they realise they won't be getting any wine Grin

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 14/12/2023 23:54

Carrie Fisher would put the Star Wars Holiday Special on when she wanted people to leave a party. It's available on YouTube. And is indeed terrible.

Renamed · 15/12/2023 00:01

“Let’s play charades!”

DPotter · 15/12/2023 00:01

Was talking to a friend who lived in Italy for ages and she was telling us that it was standard not to drink after you had eaten. yes, there's be prosecco before the meal, wine with the meal and a digestive (one & small) and then nothing. Stops a lot of people moving on the to 'drunk too much' stage, so just have enough wine to cover the meal and nothing else. And yes definitely tell them you're kicking them early evening and then enforce it

Grimchmas · 15/12/2023 00:02

7pm?? Honest to god I thought you were going to say chucking then out around 3pm, I'd have had enough by then 🤣

I'd tell them you don't mind hosting lunch but that you're looking forward to the evening to yourself, so if they could make their own arrangements for after 4pm that would be great, thanks!

You didn't offer to host, you've had it shunted onto you and your family aren't pleasant when drunk. I think it's perfectly reasonable to make it clear you aren't willing to host all day.

tescocreditcard · 15/12/2023 00:03

My ex husband used to say "right, time to bugger off now you lot". Which they thought was funny. It worked though.

HalfasleepChrisintheMorning · 15/12/2023 00:07

DitheringBlidiot · 14/12/2023 21:07

Yeah just tell them. "I want you all gone by 7 so I can wash up, have a glass of wine in silence and watch call the midwife"

Exactly what I do, but tell them when I invite them. 11-7 is a long enough day!

Doormatnomore · 15/12/2023 00:11

I agree 1 bottle of wine opened at dinner and don’t go over board with the food. Serve early so they are hungry by 7. Might not be in the Christmas spirit but neither is drunken gobbing off. Then you can pull what ever you like from its hiding place and enjoy your evening.

Mudflaps · 15/12/2023 00:19

Crikey I'd have them gone before 7. Don't have any alcohol at all before or during the meal and certainly none after it. Don't have any in the fridge or anywhere they'll see it. Don't tell them in advance because they'll bring it with them if you do. If they normally bring alcohol you could tell them if you're hosting you want it alcohol free (it might he enough to change their minds about going to yours). Remember they are guests in your house, you set the rules, if they're going to upset you, make the day miserable etc its because you let them. Moat of my childhood Christmas memories are blighted by my mother's extended family causing problems due to drinking, my parents weren't drinkers but our house was the 'host' house and my poor mother had shite Christmases as a result. Stand up for what you want, let your gobby sister and opinionated mother bore off at each other elsewhere while you watch the telly in blissful peace.

mollyfolk · 15/12/2023 00:49

I think in your case I would pretend that you have an invite to a Christmas gathering at 7 - out of your own house: sent a message now so your guests can compete their route home. Be very helpful about booking taxis/organizing lifts when they arrive:

saltinesandcoffeecups · 15/12/2023 01:03

Luckily my people have a method for this 🤣 It may not be totally helpful since it’s very region specific…don’t you guys have your own version?

How to get people to leave on Xmas day
WhatNoUsername · 15/12/2023 01:16

CateringPanic · 14/12/2023 21:01

I think that’s very early to expect people to leave on Christmas Day. That’s the time when the pate and cheese usually comes out!

Growing up people never left my parents until at least 9:30/10pm and that was usually just because one of the grandparents needed to be driven home.

We hosted last Xmas and BIL and gf left about 10:30/11. MIL AND FIL didn’t leave until 1am Boxing Day morning.

I’m not saying you need to have them there until midnight but it’s a bit rubbish to kick them out at 7pm to go home and twiddle their thumbs

I agree. You are either hosting Christmas Day or you aren't. You can't chuck people out at 7 to spend the evening in their own. I'd be depressed at that thought and quite offended.

Your family do sound like hard work, but the answer is to not agree to host. Now that you have o think you need to suck it up this year. And don't agree or offer to host again! Don't get drawn in!!!

Isittimeformynapyet · 15/12/2023 01:32

@Elfie23 "What I want to avoid is a pissed up mother sprouting her opinions"

Great typo, OP 😂!

Very christmassy 🎄

Get them told now, love.

I regularly put my PJ's on so my friends know it's time to go. They take the piss a bit, but I don't care. They still come back another day.

LaurieStrode · 15/12/2023 01:45

Why can't you all just meet at a pub???