For wanting a break after working all year

[Blacksmithpepper]

I have two children (primary age) with ex wife. I pay all the bills which enables her to be a stay at home parent. I work abroad for the majority of the year and earn a good salary but work my arse off.

I am back in the UK until late January. I have arranged to see the children over the next couple of weeks and I am looking forward to spending time with them. Today ex has asked if I might do school drop offs and pick ups in January and be about more to help. I do not mind doing a few but I am firstly not living locally and I will also be wanting to spend time with my girlfriend. Am I unreasonable for wanting a break before going back to work again?

The girlfriend understands the nature of my work as she works in the same industry. As she lives on a different continent it did not seem appropriate for the kids to meet her.

Do not currently have a base in the uk as ex and the kids live in the house.

Do you want to be a parent to your children op?

By working abroad and absenting himself he has created many barriers and removed many choices.

You know where they live so why are you not staying locally when back in the UK so you can make the most of your time here with your children?

The kids would absolutely love you to do the drop off and pick ups, do it for them. They grow up sooo quick. Don't miss it - give them some warm memories, make it fun. Then take your GF out while the kids are at school - you'll have 6 hrs!

omg. Your x does it every single time you aren’t.

Be an actual parent, take some responsibility for your children ffs.

Doing the drop off and pick up is the easy bit of parenting!!!

can’t believe you have actually said that, you really have zero idea about parenting fyi

You forgot seeing you your girlfriend.

You have zero parenting for the vast majority of the year, put your children first.
Most parents don’t get time off. I’ve worked loads of hours and still had to parent my child and run a household so get a bloody grip ffs!
Your children will not want to know you if you carry on putting yourself and your girlfriend first.

I wonder what his ex wife would say if gave up his lucrative job, came back home to spend more time with his children and she had to get a job?

I think the poster upthread who said this should have been better planned between the two of them had a point.

Clearly a minority here but, my DH isn’t the most involved and yet I manage to work and support two primary aged children. Ok I’m not completely alone, but many single parents work and have kids. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want some down time during annual leave, but nor do I think it’s reasonable to work 100 hour weeks so someone else can stay home. Of course, the compromise would be you have to share the children and can’t work away, but just saying this arrangement doesn’t feel reasonable for either parent.

and no, most of us don’t get time off to spend with friends of any variety during our annual leave.

You work 100 hours a week?! And your rare days off are travelling and sleeping? How does your 'girlfriend' cope for the 10-11 months of the year when you're not there?

Seriously though, what did you expect from this thread, like really? Did you expect people to say 'yay just see your kids for a few hours and then spend the rest of the time with your new flame?'

And you are NOT funding your ex wife's lifestyle. She is the mother of your children - the children you don't seem to want to bother with. And SHE is the main carer for them.

I despair for humanity.

.

If I do not work then who pays the bills? The youngest is at preschool so will be attending school full time next year. I think it will get easier for ex then.

As I have said. I know ex does a lot. I ended the relationship badly and I am trying to be a decent guy here in the aftermath of it all.

Probably be glad he’s stepping up and she can have some freedom.

This makes my blood boil. How are you expecting ex wife to have any time or capacity to see a 'boyfriend'? You seem to think that all is fine because you pay the bills. What sort of a life does she have?

Paying for your ex to be a SAHM isn’t a substitute for being a father.

How do your think your kids would feel if they knew you were around for 6 weeks but chose not to see them for 4 of those?

Oh dear 😂

The 3 year old probably won’t know who you are after a year anyway.

Are you wrong for prioritising your gf over the kids you barely see? Course not, who needs a dad around anyway.

Just be there for your children.

Sad you even have to ask /question that.

When did you find time in the past year to meet this GF whilst working 100hrs pw?
I think you need to prioritise your children who barely see you, not a very new gf.

So your gf is flying out to meet all your family but your not telling the kids because meh, you hardly see them, it's not like they're a big part of your life?

In which country does the gf live?

Your ex hasn't had a day off and won't over Christmas unless you pull your weight.

If you were still with your ex neither of you would have a break.

Your ex enables you to work away, without her looking after your children 24x7 you'd not be able to have the career you do. The least you can do is spend time with your dc and take the weight off your ex who's been doing 100% of the parenting. Not to mention spending time with your children.

If you were my ex I would be mostly fine with this arrangement, but I would want a nanny too

By not staying local to your kids and not wanting to pitch in because it will interrupt you seeing the people who matters to you, like the new gf

I am not proud to say I met my girlfriend whilst at work and I did have an affair. I do not have enough days off to fly home so girlfriend and I navigate it by flying to see each other when in the states.

But point taken I do need to find time to see my kids more.

So gf is in fact OW then op ? I was waiting for this revelation