Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Daughter not invited to wedding

501 replies

Tinogirl · 12/12/2023 21:32

I have been married for five years with a nine year old from a previous relationship. Ex sees his daughter two or three times a year.
She lives entirely with us.
Husband and his cousin are like brothers and husband was asked to be his best man at the end of the summer.
Cousin and his partner have often been guests and know my daughter very well.
Invitation arrived with just our names on which upset me but that’s their choice but husband collected his daughter who is 10 and turns out she is a bridesmaid and other children are invited.
I think he needs to ask cousin to include my daughter.

OP posts:
Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 12/12/2023 21:41

They obviously don't want kids there apart from those in the wedding. It would be very rude for you to ask them to change this

AllAboardTootToot · 12/12/2023 21:44

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 12/12/2023 21:41

They obviously don't want kids there apart from those in the wedding. It would be very rude for you to ask them to change this

Other children are invited……

OP I would have your husband talk to your cousin to see how the lay of the land is, not really fair if she’s ft his step daughter and excluded but his biological daughter is wedding party. Clear cousin doesn’t see blended family but maybe that’s how he sees it?

swimminginthepool · 12/12/2023 21:44

I'd try to gauge if it's just the wedding party or if everyone else's children are welcome. If it's the latter they are a bit shit not inviting her in my opinion.

Original poster
Tinogirl · 12/12/2023 21:44

The blood related kids are invited but not all in the wedding. But my husband’s step daughter isn’t invited but his biological child is a bridesmaid.

OP posts:
Twelveisthebestnumber · 12/12/2023 21:47

Why not drop them a quick message saying you are excited about the wedding but wanted to clarify if your daughter was invited, making it very clear it's not an issue if it's child free (with exception of bridesmaids etc). Just be excited yet blasé about the whole child thing. That way you will know without putting them in an uncomfortable situation.

TeaKitten · 12/12/2023 21:48

Biological child is the grooms biological family member though. If they had limited numbers they’d have to draw lines somewhere. I don’t think your DH should ask for your DD to be invited, because it isn’t your wedding. But I would be upset too and if I was you I just wouldn’t go, blame childcare and spend the day with your daughter doing something special instead. If it was an accidental oversight they’ll correct it when you decline due to childcare.

Sodndashitall · 12/12/2023 21:49

DH needs to speak with his cousin and explain that this is awkward as his DSD lives with them full time and so it seems very rude not to invite her.

Prinnny · 12/12/2023 21:49

Their wedding, their choice. They may only want blood family children there. You can’t dictate to them how their wedding should be.

Londonrach1 · 12/12/2023 21:50

They wedding their choice...

iamrageohtheresakitty · 12/12/2023 21:51

It's their choice - if they're only inviting direct relations it doesn't seem unreasonable

Tandora · 12/12/2023 21:52

God, the responses on this thread 🙈 I honestly despair for the state of humanity. YANBU OP. Behaviour of cousin is shocking. Your DH needs to insist your DD is invited. If not, you don’t go xx

JemimaTiggywinkles · 12/12/2023 21:53

Failing to invite your best man's step child (who he lives with full time) is a horrible thing to do. I'd think less of the groom and would probably stay home with DD if I were you OP.

fruitbrewhaha · 12/12/2023 21:53

Hmmm tricky. It’s probably a numbers thing. Shit though. We were all invited to my DPs step nieces wedding. Ie his sister is the step mother. We are all included as family.

LadyChilli · 12/12/2023 21:55

iamrageohtheresakitty · 12/12/2023 21:51

It's their choice - if they're only inviting direct relations it doesn't seem unreasonable

The OP isn't a direct relation though.

Usually I'd say fair enough if a child isn't invited to a wedding but it seems this isn't a child free wedding and the child just isn't family enough. I'd be hurt by that.

I don't think you're entitled to ask that she be included but in your place I'd stay home with her rather than head off to a family event she wasn't part of.

Original poster
Tinogirl · 12/12/2023 21:56

Money and space isn’t an issue. DH is good to my daughter but doesn’t see why his cousin would see her as a niece but he sees my child more than the one who is a bridesmaid.

OP posts:
Dotcheck · 12/12/2023 21:56

Prinnny · 12/12/2023 21:49

Their wedding, their choice. They may only want blood family children there. You can’t dictate to them how their wedding should be.

But they are a family. OP isn’t blood related to groom either.
The ‘their wedding their choice’ is really just and excuse.

Popetthetreehugger · 12/12/2023 21:56

I would thank but decline if this wasn’t just an oversite, they would not be invited back .

pizzaHeart · 12/12/2023 21:56

They clearly don’t see your daughter the same way as your DH’s daughter and whatever you think about this it’s the reality. DH‘s daughter was longer in their life so they probably have closer relationship with her.
I would try not to be too upset about this (easier said than done I know) Your daughter not having relationship with her Dad and his side is more of a problem here.

Ibizabar · 12/12/2023 21:57

Their choice but also your choice not to go. It's obviously not a child free wedding so I'd give it a miss.

Soontobe60 · 12/12/2023 21:58

Tandora · 12/12/2023 21:52

God, the responses on this thread 🙈 I honestly despair for the state of humanity. YANBU OP. Behaviour of cousin is shocking. Your DH needs to insist your DD is invited. If not, you don’t go xx

You can’t ‘insist’ someone is invited to a wedding! You can, however, decline the invitation and explain why.

TeaKitten · 12/12/2023 21:59

DH is good to my daughter but doesn’t see why his cousin would see her as a niece

This is precisely why she isn’t invited then OP. Your own DH doesn’t see her as a ‘niece’ of his cousin who is like a brother to him. I’d be upset by that more than the lack of invite I think.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 12/12/2023 21:59

Hate this saying of 'Their wedding, their choice' like it gives people the right to be shits.
OP I think it's extremely rude on their part not to invite your daughter, I'd also think less of them and decline to go.

Soontobe60 · 12/12/2023 22:00

Actually, having just re read your first post, I’m wondering if they just haven’t put your DDs name on the invite? Give them a call and check.

Blueeyes13 · 12/12/2023 22:00

I'd check. We sent all our wedding invitations out without the children's names on them and then we're surprised when no-one brought the kids. We just assumed they would know we meant everyone. Obviously a massive mistake and I still feel bad about it 20 years later! It just never occurred to us that our friends would think we didn't want their kids there.

Tangelablue · 12/12/2023 22:01

It's up to them who they invite but if u was you, I wouldn't attend.
My best friend is getting married soon. I am a bridesmaid but only children who will be in the wedding party are invited so my oh won't be attending as he will need to stay home to look after ds. Its a bit rubbish but it's their day.

Swipe left for the next trending thread