Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married 2 years. DHs family forgot our anniversary. Mine remembered.

564 replies

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 13:45

DH's family forgot our anniversary, only been married 2 years. They remember all other important dates. But no effort for us. My family all remembered first thing in the morning and sent us both messages.

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

OP posts:
thebestinterest · 13/12/2023 01:12

SeatonCarew · 12/12/2023 17:16

Yup.

Usually I follow the path of convention and try to advise the OP wisely. In this case I'm seriously tempted to offer heartfelt advice to the in-laws.

Show quote history

😂 💯

CelestiaNoctis · 13/12/2023 01:58

Why should they care when it is, its not their anniversary? Baffling...

Tryingtobedifferent · 13/12/2023 03:57

I couldn't get wound up about this, you clearly just hate your in-laws lol sounds like a you problem

HolidayAddict23 · 13/12/2023 05:01

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 23:26

This is awful! Did you make the effort initially with her?

Show quote history

Yeah I did, my Mum had a terrible relationship with my Dad’s Mum and I never wanted that for myself or my children. I took her shopping and to doctors appointments, always took her favourite treats when we visited but nothing was ever appreciated. Over time I gave up. She didn’t treat my DH much better so I knew there was no hope for me.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 13/12/2023 06:26

Bernardmanning · 12/12/2023 23:20

Oh dear. Going through your other threads you have questioned whether you married the right man because his family didn't get you gifts at your wedding and that you are more educated/better than your husband. You call the family 'thick'. You call your 13 year old niece 'a brat' and resent ever paying for a coffee for her. You admit to hitting your husband and being a bitch to him. You loathe your bil. You appear to be looking for a way out of this marriage and think that you married beneath you. I can't help thinking that you are pushing the blame into his family so that you can have an excuse to leave him. I don't understand why you have been trying for a baby when questioning your marriage. I think that the two of you would be much better off apart.

Oh I remember the niece/coffee thread. Didn't realise it was the same person. She does sound like she thinks she's married "down". Her poor DH will be isolated from his "no good family" if he's not careful.

From another post of hers on here she resents that his sister asks him for help with technology despite having "her own husband". That's a weird level of jealousy. I have my own DH but if I wanted help with something my sibling was good at, I'd still ask them. Cos you know, family.

terraced · 13/12/2023 06:39

Why should they remember your anniversary? It's for you and hubby. I wouldn't have a clue when other people have their anniversary.

SallyWD · 13/12/2023 06:47

I never remember anniversaries, never send anniversary cards. I'm very good with birthdays but I see anniversaries as something between the couple.
Even if I managed to remember the first anniversary there's no way I'd remember the second!
I'm sorry but you're being very precious.

DangerousAlchemy · 13/12/2023 07:43

Is this really going to be the hill you choose to die on OP?? Are you thinking of having kids in the future? If you have a massive fall-out over this trivial matter then God help you when kids come along & you possibly spend more time with your ILs & extended family 🙄 you do sound a bit immature tbh.

EarthMamaLee · 13/12/2023 09:31

So my PIL get upset if my husband and his sister don’t get them an anniversary card.

it absolutely baffles me, it’s their anniversary and my husband and his sister were literally not even born when PIL got married

Flixon · 13/12/2023 09:34

YABU. completely.

Jellytot1234 · 13/12/2023 10:08

You sound like a nightmare daughter in law if you’re going to get all uppity about something like this! It’s not usually the norm to receive an influx of cards and gifts over an anniversary. I mean- id be upset if my husband forgot but not other family members. Is it really an occasion they need to mark on the calendar? It’s not even a big anniversary- just 2 years! You’re being wholly unreasonable. I might send my parents a card etc if it’s a big special anniversary but it’s not something that’s socially expected of people.

Nevermind31 · 13/12/2023 14:36

Next time someone sends an anniversary/ birthday wish, text back and say… oh, I thought we were not doing these anymore…
and leave it at that

Frasers · 13/12/2023 15:50

Nevermind31 · 13/12/2023 14:36

Next time someone sends an anniversary/ birthday wish, text back and say… oh, I thought we were not doing these anymore…
and leave it at that

That’s so passive aggressive 😂

user1471556818 · 13/12/2023 15:53

Only people who should remember and celebrate are the 2 married people .I've never sent any cards to anyone bar 25th wedding anniversary and big one's therefore.
Pick another issue to fall out with your IL

Heronwatcher · 13/12/2023 16:12

Good grief, looking at your previous threads I think that not getting a wish of happy anniversary is the least of your worries in this absolute shitshow.

OP this is not normal and you seem to have a huge amount of doubts about the relationship, perhaps understandably. Come off the WhatsApp, keep your distance from the extended family, stop worrying about what other people are doing and work out if this is the relationship you want to be in.

Mummy00007 · 13/12/2023 16:16

Shouldn't matter about anyone else or what they think.. enjoy your time with your family. There's always going to be love and war with in laws for many reasons but you don't want to be the cause of major family fallouts. It could also impact your relationship with your husband. Keep in laws at an arms length, work on building relationships. If their the issue, make sure your husband understands the reasons and keep your distance but don't ignite anything is my advice

Alarum · 13/12/2023 16:29

Yup, you’re completely and utterly unreasonable. Who gives a shit about other people’s anniversaries? I barely remember my own most of the time.

hangingonfordearlife1 · 13/12/2023 17:03

why would they? is remembering or celebrating other people's anniversaries actually a thing? i struggle to remember my own let alone anyone else's.

Middleagedspreadisreal · 13/12/2023 17:41

Good grief.

Weonlyhavealoanofit · 13/12/2023 17:45

If it’s any consolation not only does my husband fail to remember our anniversary, he usually spends it elsewhere. He's not a brute or anything, it just isn’t very important to him as ‘special day’. I’ve learnt to live with it, life would be miserable otherwise

Brontebythesea · 13/12/2023 17:51

I love all my sisters and couldn’t tell you when their wedding anniversary is. I couldn’t even tell you off the top of my head when my parents’ is. None of them have ever been offended in the slightest by this. you’re looking an excuse to create distance and I honestly feel sorry for your partner. I rarely say this but please - go and get some real problems.

Danielle9891 · 13/12/2023 17:59

I would only expect my husband to remember it. We used to send my grandparents a card for their anniversary and Id message family on Facebook if it pops up but that's it. I just don't think weddings/anniversaries are that big a thing anymore.

There's enough hassle with remembering Christmas, Easter and my children's and husband's birthdays without having to worry about people's anniversaries as well.

Chickenkeev · 13/12/2023 18:00

Weonlyhavealoanofit · 13/12/2023 17:45

If it’s any consolation not only does my husband fail to remember our anniversary, he usually spends it elsewhere. He's not a brute or anything, it just isn’t very important to him as ‘special day’. I’ve learnt to live with it, life would be miserable otherwise

I wonder tbh, what is expected of these poor sods on the anniversary? Are they required to sit and moon at their wives for the day?

AllyArty · 13/12/2023 18:06

I get why it has upset you because they should treat everyone equally. Why don’t you put a pic on WhatsApp group saying something like ‘had a lovely anniversary meal at the dog & duck, would thoroughly recommend it’ and see what the response is?

Lindyloomillion1 · 13/12/2023 18:08

I never remember my own wedding anniversary, let alone other people's! Luckily I have it writing down and husband isn't bothered anyway.
You look like you're trying to find a way to fall out with in-laws. Not a winning ploy for a long and happy marriage....

Swipe left for the next trending thread