Married 2 years. DHs family forgot our anniversary. Mine remembered.

[crossroads1]

DH's family forgot our anniversary, only been married 2 years. They remember all other important dates. But no effort for us. My family all remembered first thing in the morning and sent us both messages.

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

OP you hit your husband? WTF?!

It sounds like as the years have gone by they have dozens of dates they are supposed to keep track of. There will be slip ups, they’re human. So sad that this is how you decide to handle it. Bitching about them and having sad little chats with your husband because you’ve never liked them.

This is awful! Did you make the effort initially with her?

That's an eye opener from @Bernardmanning

You've also previously stated that prior to marriage, after 6 years together your DH slept with another woman and was also addicted to cocaine! Yet you married him and are trying for a baby, whilst also loathing his thick ignorant family. Why are you two even together. This is a terrible combination.

Kind of sounds like he's the anti golden child there? I'm not a psychologist at all, but maybe he could do a bit of counselling. Otherwise, if it's not working for you, let it go. But do be aware, NC can be very difficult down the line when parents die. Really, really difficult. So starting a bit of that work now might do no harm iyswim.

That was ex partner whom i was never married to. A bad, long-term toxic relationship which im sure we've all been in. DH is a different person, but thanks for your due diligence.

Have suggested counselling before. and hoping next year he will see someone. NC?

Ive never ever remembered anyone’s wedding anniversary (because I don’t really care!) soz.

And you dont have to.

Point being my in-laws do, but didnt remember ours even though they have a very loving, attentive, and people-pleasing son.

I barely remember my own anniversary let alone anyone else’s, if someone posts something on the family WhatsApp and I happen to see it I might add a congratulations…but not because I've remembered myself, I’m just being a sheep!
I really wouldn't waste any head space over this.

No Contact. But i assume likely H won't go for that. (Nor is it neccessarily the right thing to do). But i reckon you should both take a step back, really look at what's going on, and make decisions after that.

Still catching up on your other posts OP..so, your husband cheated on you and formed a relationship with the OE for 2 years, and ended it with you? And you also had another relationship during that time?
Then you got back together again after 2 years?
You have posted about being left out by toxic work colleagues and feeling lonely as you have few friends and are anxious.
You mentioned that your DH has been physically violent towards you and put his hands around your neck and takes drugs.
It sounds to me as though you have extremely low self esteem and that, this latest episode is a reflection of that. Your marriage sounds very unhealthy. You seem to have issues with distorted thinking. I appreciate that you are 36 and wanting to start a family, which makes things really difficult, but you really need to work on your own self esteem. Would you want your child to go through the same difficulties in later life and struggle to form decent relationships? I think that you would be better off walking away. This clearly isn't working.

NC is definelty not an option. They are a very close knit family, which i found endearing at first, until i started to see this manipulated calculated behaviour from the women.

I wanted to have a good relationship with them but theyve repeatedly shown me they dont care, i havent listed everything on here (who can be bothered for that?) but after forgetting our anni H was visisbly upset. I also initally thought the remembering every ones important date was weird but because they talk daily they know everything about eachother. It was odd not to message. but actions speak louder. They dont care.

Aha, a previous partner. Well thank god for that. He seems like a right knob.

Wait, we are supposed to remember other people’s wedding anniversaries?! I only just remember mine!

No one should remember your anniversary it's between you and DH. I would not expect anyone to congratulate us unless prompted. Having said that my mum remembers and it's nice.

Well tbh, they sound on the weirder side of close/enmeshed. But my armchair diagnosis doesn't matter, it's about you, and what you're willing to tolerate. My Hs family were v close, it never bothered me. They treated me as one of their own. I was happy. It all depends on how you feel tbh.

I didn't know celebrating other people's wedding anniversaries were a thing?! I have never sent or received an anniversary card to or from another couple ever.

It is a weird closeness and stems from MIL who has relied heavily on her kids. And guilt trips them, thats another story. They havent made me feel part of the family from the beginning, they also speak a different language and regularly exclude me from convos. Again another story. But no, they dont treat me as their own and hve shown me they only care about H.

Why do you need other people to celebrate your marriage?

I can relate to the MIL bit in a way, but the language makes it difficult. What if anything does H say?

You can't be serious?

Ive never done other people's anniversaries. Is that a thing? You are epically overreacting.

Nobody in either mine or DHs family have ever acknowledged others anniversaries, unless it's a special one. The first being 25 year silver. If we see/speak to each other on the day and mention it, we'll say "Oh is it? Happy anniversary" That's it.
Nobody outside of your marriage is that interested in it being your anniversary. It's definitely not worth cutting off your in laws for!