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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Married 2 years. DHs family forgot our anniversary. Mine remembered.

564 replies

crossroads1 · 12/12/2023 13:45

DH's family forgot our anniversary, only been married 2 years. They remember all other important dates. But no effort for us. My family all remembered first thing in the morning and sent us both messages.

Should i bring this up to DH? I just want to tell my in laws where to stick it!!

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

OP posts:
Yesididntdothat · 12/12/2023 13:46

I'm not sure why they should care that much about your anniversary!

CornishPorsche · 12/12/2023 13:46

It's your wedding anniversary. That's nice.

I assure you the only people that give a shit are you and your husband.

Not one to lose any temper over. I certainly don't congratulate people on not divorcing their spouse that year... And I don't expect anyone else to congratulate me.

Rjahdhdvd · 12/12/2023 13:47

I don’t expect anyone other than DH to remember ours

IfYouDontAsk · 12/12/2023 13:48

In my opinion wedding anniversaries are for the married couple to celebrate, no one else.

No, it’s not in any way a good reason to distance yourself from them.

Bearbookagainandagain · 12/12/2023 13:48

No one in my family ever celebrated or even acknowledged others' wedding anniversary!
Or maybe once for my grandparents because it was a milestone like 50 years, we had a party.

LumpyPumpkin · 12/12/2023 13:49

The only people who need to remember your anniversary are you and your husband. I don't know or care about the anniversaries of a single person I know.

This would be an utterly ridiculous thing to fall out over.

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 12/12/2023 13:49

My family and I never send anniversary cards. It's really only a special day for the two people who got married.

PetrifiedForestNationalPark · 12/12/2023 13:49

No one is interested in your wedding anniversary. It's completely normal for only the couple to mark it, not wider family.

Could this be my chance to distance myself from them? My get out of jail free card? I never liked them from the beginning.

This nonsense makes me wonder whether you're just on a wind up.

PermanentTemporary · 12/12/2023 13:49

I'm really sorry, I don't expect anyone to remember couple anniversaries but the couple. There are also different attitudes to dates and celebrations from different families. Thats normal.

Clearly you hate your inlaws. No idea whether that's justified or not. If you can just see them less it might be better that way.

Allfur · 12/12/2023 13:49

Should other people be remembering? Isn't it just for the couple?

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 12/12/2023 13:49

Agree with the above. Your wedding anniversary is for you and your husband. It's nice if others wish you a happy anniversary but that date isn't important to anyone but the couple

EdinGirl · 12/12/2023 13:49

I wouldn't ever acknowledge anyone else's anniversary (nor them mine).

It's nice your family did, but definitely not the norm and you would look OTT if you complained about it.

Whataretheodds · 12/12/2023 13:50

Why is it important for in-laws/family to remember your wedding anniversary?
Isn't it something between you and your spouse?

Cosyblankets · 12/12/2023 13:50

Oh behave

Peckhampalace · 12/12/2023 13:50

My family send us a card, his never have. I send to my parents/ sibling for anniversaries, DH doesn't.
No problem either way, the family norms are just different.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 12/12/2023 13:50

You're being totally unreasonable. I'd probably be a bit pissed off if DH forgot our anniversary but given that we don't bother with cards/presents, it wouldn't be the end of the world.

I certainly don't expect anyone else to remember it. My.mum occasionally does, but only because my niece was born on our 13th wedding anniversary, so if she's texting "happy birthday" to her she might remember and send me a text as well.

VivaVivaa · 12/12/2023 13:51

No. Don’t use something petty like not messaging you on your anniversary to make drama. If they are bad people then reduce contact because of that. Leave your DH out of it, it’s not his fault you don’t like them and they haven’t messaged.

JenJenJenJenJenJen · 12/12/2023 13:51

Maybe your ILs are amongst the dozens of people in the world for whom life doesn’t revolve around you?

MonsteraMama · 12/12/2023 13:51

I don't even know when my parents or any of my siblings anniversaries are to congratulate them, including the one who got married this year. I'd have to look at my calendar to see when the wedding was. None of them know mine or my husband's either. I have to double check my own tbh.

I think you're just looking for any excuse to have nothing to do with your in laws. Why don't you like them?

Deedee37 · 12/12/2023 13:51

I’ve never acknowledged my parent’s nor my sister's wedding anniversary and I’m close with them. It’s just not a thing in my family, and in many others, it seems.

RubaiyatOfAnyone · 12/12/2023 13:51

Wow. You must really hate them to be reaching for a made up excuse like this.
literally no one remembers or cares about anyone’s wedding anniversary except their own. Exception for big 50 year ones which are used as an excuse for a party.

KThnxBye · 12/12/2023 13:51

I have never celebrated a wedding anniversary and have no idea of the dates of the weddings of any of my family or extended family. My closest relatives to get married would be my parents and I haven’t the foggiest on the year or month that happened, admittedly I wasn’t born yet, so I can narrow it down from there if I had to.

Jigglypufff · 12/12/2023 13:51

Pack it in man! I barely remember my own anniversary, let alone other peoples. 🤣

XmasCrumble · 12/12/2023 13:52

If you distanced yourself from your in-laws because they forgot your anniversary it won't be them who look like dicks...

tinklylaugh01 · 12/12/2023 13:52

Blimey, some people are demanding aren’t they.