To starve ds

[Spinningscrewdriverss]

I mean not really but ffs

Ds takes forever to eat and doesn’t generally eat more than two mouthfuls unless I feed him. I don’t mind this, I’d rather he ate, but just lately when I try to he gets upset ‘mine, I’ll do it!’ But then doesn’t.

AIBU to throw food away if he hasn’t started eating it after say ten minutes? I’m really losing patience if I’m honest.

Trust me, he isn’t scared!

I do try to ensure they are relaxed but it’s a fine line between nice and chilled and making sure your child has eaten enough sometimes.

I often eat half my dinner then come back for the rest later, might it be something like that?

You've probably had all the advice you need, so I'll just offer solidarity - it takes my 6 and 3 year old 45 minutes to eat their breakfast. That's with no tv and no toys at the table. How?! I do not know. All I know is that I have to allow enough time for this and keep myself occupied in order to stay sane.

Fourty-five minutes. Every morning.

Does he like counting?
It doesn’t necessarily solve the feeding himself issue (although it might) but my similar age kid quite likes counting spoons of food. 20 spoons will do a large toddler sized portion of spaghetti bolognese or similar. We count how spoons have been eaten and how many left to go. If works to motivate him to eat relatively quickly just because he likes counting. Strange but true. Worth a try maybe?

NoCloudsAllowed I didn’t say you didn’t give advice. I said you passed judgement. Which you did. Telling OP you think she sounds lazy is a judgement. One she has not asked for and could probably do without.

Fair enough. I remember thinking I'd made my child nervous about going to the toilet by accident by making a fuss and had to reconsider my approach so I thought it worth checking.

No, you did not read my post. I say quite clearly I don’t mind feeding him but he wouldn’t let me. However, he also wouldn’t eat it himself.

I read that part too. He's 3 op. There's no he doesnt let you , you shouldn't be giving him a choice. This is a case where you need to be firm. Again, theres something wrong with this situation. You seem so resigned. "I'll just give him food in front of telly, if he doesnt eat I take it away" "he doesnt let me feed him" .. you need to step up your game, he's a tiny kid you must direct him here.

Right, so you advocate physically forcing a child to eat. I’m afraid we won’t agree then, as we obviously have very different parenting styles. Pinning a child down and force feeding them is abusive.

FWIW, as it turned out ds is unwell, he was sick last night.

Oh no, you have my sympathies OP.

We have regretted putting pressure on DS to eat a couple of times, only to have a night of vomiting later.

Sometimes when they don't want to eat it's because they know something we don't.

Regular mealtimes, only small snacks to make sure he's hungry for dinner. Sitting at the table with the rest of the family eating together and no distractions.

I would take it away after 15 minutes of not starting. As long as he eats at the next meal then over 24 hours he will eat enough and start to eat properly.

Hi OP, I’m sorry you and your son are going through this. As someone who has had to get the help of a feeding specialist in, I can absolutely empathise. I’d recommend getting some professional help in: everyone thinks they’re an expert when it comes to feeding but the reality is that it is a complicated sensory issues that a lot of children (and some adults struggle with). Best of luck to you and your little boy.

Yes, put it up on the side and offer again if he says he's hungry later.

If someone was shouting at you to eat or forcing you to eat would you enjoy your meal
I doubt it
So why is it ok to treat your child like this
He cant enjoy food as you are making him upset and scared and anxious by eother forcing him to eat or shouting at him when he doesn't
And you wonder why you have issues

You lot are definitely reading a different thread to this one.

Eesh it’s hard isn’t it! Our youngest is now 7, and she STILL can take two hours to finish her dinner! She’s always been a slow eater of main meals, and it’s not down to portion size or dislike. She’s just really a bloody slooooooooow eater.

It truly drives me batshit. But it is what it is. If dinner is polished off within an hour, I feel we’ve achieved something of epic proportions lol

we tried to whole, taking away, trying later etc etc. Didn’t work. If we took it away, she’d happily not eat. She’s just not food driven. 😂

Please please do not fight this battle. My mother was like this towards me and it did nothing for our relationship.

I'd honestly cut the TV. My daughter was the same and she was too focused on watching rather than eating.
We cut the TV and she only has ipad/TV time once breakfast/dressed and being ready is completed.
Also something to consider may be sensory issues.

Hahaaha this reminds me of my younger sister around that age! She used to take a mouthful of food and hold it inside her left cheek for ageees, like 5-10 minutes at a time. And that's when she actually accepted a bite of food, which in itself was effort. Dinner time took HOURS for her and my mum.

It went on for about year (not every day and not all meals but I'd say most meals), maybe longer. She is now a healthy adult, who ended up being a professional athlete with a healthy appetite!

At the time no encouragement, no punishment ever worked. The will of a 3 year old is unmatched.

Have him sit in the kitchen with you. While your cooking or cleaning. Whatever. Don’t waste your time and yes all I know the blame people put on their parents for making them finish their plates. But sorry kid. You’re finishing your plate! Nothing too do till then.

which I get you can’t do at breakfast. But hopefully he’ll be hungry enough to eat some lunch then dinner.

focus on getting one good meal in him a day.

and thank you for not feeding him or just giving him junk!

Do you do family meals? I realize my DC is a bit of a weirdo but since covid when she was 18 months, we do family dinner every night. Usually we all sit for around 30-45 mins. As long as she actively eating, we’ll keep eating and stay with her. If she’s reluctant to come to table or getting up to mess around, we’ll remind her that the eating window will end when the rest of the family is done. We’ll make sure we spend at least 20 mins eating and TBH she never does come very quickly.

i doubt that type of enforcement would work immediately, but I think family meals are a start and having some kind of time limit. I think you can let him go without eating anything/much and see what happens 🤷‍♀️. We also won’t offer an alternative to dinner unless it’s at least half an hour after to separate that when dinner is done, it’s done.

"Nursery tea or high tea" back in the day was always around 5pm. I used to give my dc dinner at that time and sit with them with no distractions. I would have a cup of tea and a tiny bit of whatever they were having. DH was never home before 8pm, so we ate an awful lot of batch cooked, easily reheated meals. DC were in bed by 7pm so any later for their evening meal would be too late and tiredness would stop them eating.

By referring to your son as a toddler and saying you feed him I assumed he was much younger. At 3 he’s old enough to sit and feed himself. You could try no tv and eating his meal and when he wants chocolate or whatever it is referring back to his meal and say ‘You didn’t eat your lunch, chocolate is only after you’ve eaten more lunch’ maybe offer him fruit or something. It’s really common for pre-schoolers to test the boundaries and be fussy but being consistent now will help you in the future.

Feeding a toddler in front of a tv can go one of two ways.

1 he is able to sit at the table for longer as hems. It bored so will eventually eat a decent amount (and you can feed them easier if that's required)

2 he gets caught up in the tv and forgets to eat completely (but you still might be able to sneak some spoon fulls to him.

And, it can change over time which one is your DC.

Do whatever works for you. If it helps him to have your company at the table, try to find something you can do at the table, even if it's just a crossword.

Make sure the food has a good amount of calories in it so that if he eats less he's still getting benefit from it. Maybe give him some children's vitamins to ensure he is covered nutritionally.

Some children will grow out of it, others won't.

If not letting you feed him is unusual, then hopefully it's just him being under the weather, it's a common enough thing.

As long as he is getting enough calories and nutrients, whether eating on his own or being fed by you, and topped up with some vitamins.

DS1 who was my problem eater as a toddler, now as a teenager it's clear he has autism and still has a LOT of food issues/quirks but within the range of food he likes and will eat, eats well.

Neither DS really liked their food being mixed, they prefer each vegetable on its own (once I get them to eat them - a battle of extraordinary magnitude!) so things like pies, casseroles and soups are a non starter with them.

If I hid veg in something it had to be really well hidden, eg puréed in some mince.

What can work for one child doesn't always work for another.

You are doing everything possible to foster a poor relationship with food in order to achieve a short term gain (a few more mouthfuls)

Meals should be relaxed and engaging. There should be no pressure to eat.

Bin the TV

Stop hand feeding your child

Start having family meals at the dinner table

Find ways to get your child engaged with food - ie shopping or cooking with you, “build your own” meals

And read www.solidstarts.com

I would concentrate on developing healthy meal time routines rather than stressing too much about how much he actually eats. My children eat SO slowly in front of the TV. A tiny 3 year olds brain can’t cope with watching tv and eating in a reasonable time frame. They need to be doing one thing at once and concentrating on it, like eating at the table without distractions. Good luck.