To starve ds

[Spinningscrewdriverss]

I mean not really but ffs

Ds takes forever to eat and doesn’t generally eat more than two mouthfuls unless I feed him. I don’t mind this, I’d rather he ate, but just lately when I try to he gets upset ‘mine, I’ll do it!’ But then doesn’t.

AIBU to throw food away if he hasn’t started eating it after say ten minutes? I’m really losing patience if I’m honest.

I get why you’re using the TV but that will 100% slow him down. If my middle child ever ate with the TV on he would forget he was eating and just stare at the Tv. He was a real cartoon junkie, my eldest and I were laughing about this the other day (he’s 19 now) as my brother and his wife don’t allow TV at all for their toddler. My TV junkie got top grades at GCSE and A level and applied to Oxford so I don’t think cartoons did him any harm. But I digress, he wouldn’t have eaten any dinners if he had TV on when a young toddler. When he was 5 plus TV was on a lot when eating as we had a through lounge and kitchen. He’s the only one of us who sits at the table now to eat in my flat (well at one of the breakfast bars). I guess no TV is your answer, but I know how painful it is sitting waiting for toddlers to eat. If you eat with him that will help.

Maybe has trouble swallowing

Sorry to hear he isn't well. I hope he feels better soon.

Just wanted to comment on this. I think it's not just about you sitting there while he eats but about you eating too. My children always ate better when they had one of us sitting eating with them.

Some children have a tiny appetite at that age but are fine. It's easy to overestimate how much small children need to eat. Unless you've had him weighed and measured and know he's actually underweight, I'd relax about the quantities.

Does he snack between meals? Does he usually drink water, milk or juice?

At 3, he's old enough to feed himself, so don't be tempted to help. Try to eat together at the table without other distractions in order to model good eating, then after a reasonable amount of time (say 20-30 minutes), ask if he's finished and clear away. No drama.

Really sorry to hear you’re going through this. My son was similar at age 2/3. I tried everything, and nothing worked. In the end he just grew out of it and is now in senior school, eats well and is thriving! Trust your instinct and try to just go with the flow.

'Well bloody eat then!'
We can show annoyance to our kids!

@Spinningscrewdriverss first off never make it into a big deal as it could make the situation worse. Try involving him in the simple food prep so he can see what it is, try variety for example toast fruit and yoguart one morning, next morning a smoothie and a little cereal bar.. turn the tv and other distractions off, sit him down, encourage him but dont shout, raise voice or moan. Just encourage with words like mmm this is yummy now and again. Leave food for a good 30/40 mins and if hes ate some but not all ask if hes done? If he says yes take it away and tell him he must eat all his dinner to make him big and strong. When dinner comes before sitting say remember be a good boy and eat all your dinner and use lots of praise when hes eating. Also remember kids are going to touch, smell, lick, poke before putting it in their mouth and eating we wouldnt put anything we wasnt sure about in our mouth would we? If after 30/40 mins he hasnt ate ask why, some times it could be just the texture, smell, apperance or simply because foods are touching. Remember some times give him options too like fish fingers or pizza realistically if hes choosing he wants it. Hope this helps :)
(Mom of 3 and child food therapist)

Toddlers are really on and off with food. In a couple of weeks he’ll have a growth spurt and be starving again.

Mumsnet is really weird about children and food. Basically they must not eat TOO MUCH but there is panic if they don’t eat the exact required amount. Toddlers one day shovel it down then will eat hardly anything for a week.

Unless there is a specific issue I say yanbu as if he wanted it he would start eating by then. Just give him something later when he wants it.

I'd turn off the TV. It's a distraction. Sit at the table with him. He'll eat quicker in order to leave, to switch the TV on.

Hi OP - my son wasn't a great eater for ages - I used to say I felt like I might as well throw his food in the bin straight away and save myself stress! I had to spoon feed him for ages, he was so slow, didn't eat much at all (apart obviously from biscuits etc,). He would chew a bit of say, chicken, for ages, then want to spit it out. He was very skinny and quite small - until he hit about 12, when he suddenly started to grow, and gained an appetite! He is now over 6 foot and doesn't stop eating. I wish I hadn't let it upset me - I took him to the doctor's (they said he was healthy, just not interested in food much,). Try to stay chill - I'm sure it will pass x

Does he watch anything at dinner?

if not, you’re saying that he just sits there and doesn’t eat? Is the tv on?

if so those would be the first things to go

This thread 😂

DS isn’t well, that’s why he refused to let me feed him. I’ll continue to feed him if he eats a decent amount this way, which he does. I’m completely fine with him eating when the TV is on. He isn’t a great eater in terms of appetite but he also isn’t terrible, he eats a fairly wide variety of food and doesn’t really have junk, or what I’d call junk anyway. He just needs encouragement. If I went down the ‘sit at the table and eat’ route he’d eat three mouthfuls maximum and then end up hungry and relying on snacks which I don’t want.

The threads gone haywire so I’ll leave it there - it really is no biggie.

I'd take it off him after 10 mins and see if he approaches the next meal with more concentration, for a few days. Could be he enjoys the interaction with you and has twigged food is emotive. How about an egg timer (or the 3 red spots countdown blu tak'd to the wall if you want more control over the time) so he has a visual that his eating time is running out, and then the plate goes away? No snacks because he didn't finish the food - bring it back out cold if he wants more for a couple of hours afterwards.

One of my friends had a kid that climbed out the highchair & she'd follow him round for hours with a bowl & spoon trying to tempt him to take a bit more. I had one that just didn't eat much and still "grazes", rarely finishes a plate, never eats anything even her favourite foods with anything more than dainty little nibbles as an adult.
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I understand that he's ill this time, but to be fair your OP makes it sound like a general issue, not just the last couple of days. I think you've had lots of good advice on this thread, I'm not sure why you think it's gone haywire?

Or in my children’s case, suddenly have an overwhelming need for the toilet just as I put the food on the table!

Turn off the TV. He's watching TV rather than eating and TV is slowing him down.

There have been a number of posts laying into me for shouting and stressing at ds, which I wasn’t! And then a fixation on the TV.

I do acknowledge I was unnecessarily stressing. I still wish he’d eat independently without me but we’ll get there.

Point proved!

It's not a fixation on TV.. it's pointing out the obvious..

@Spinningscrewdriverss your post makes it sound like a on going problem for 1. 2ndly your using phrases like losing patients and shall i take it away after 10 mins, starve ds 🤨 then you expect positive feedback? In my opinion why put it on the net if you dont want advice,help or guidence especially on here

How on earth do you force feed a 3 year old, short of holding him down and pinning his arms out of the way?

Where does OP say she is shouting or forcing him? You've just made up a whole non-existent scenario.

DD wasn't interested in food when she was small. She was a very slow eater, and underweight for years. When she was at primary school the hall was too small to accommodate all the children so thay had two x 20 minute sittings which wasn't long enough for her to eat her lunch.

This changed as she got older and at 23 she now loves her food and is a fantastic cook. It is difficult when you have a child uninterested in food, but be patient. It will improve.

My DS was similar at that age, and I remember how worrying it was. There were two things that helped me get through it. One was realising that he would naturally eat more when he was growing, and needed it. Between growth spurts it really did seem that he didn't eat enough to keep a sparrow alive, yet he always had plenty of energy and was otherwise healthy. The other was giving him a set amount of time to eat, and backing right off, other than periodically warning him how long he had left. That took the pressure off both of us.

Ten minutes?!! Jesus, my daughter would never have eaten a thing! She is the worlds slowest eater. She takes at least an hour for dinner. When she was younger, she was like your son. The things that helped were: giving her half an hour, then a break and then reheating it when she inevitably said she was hungry 20 minutes later! And reading a story to her at meal times and not turning the page until a mouthful had gone in.
Agree that stressing over it will make him dig his heels in more. It is partly a control issue but also make sure there are zero distractions at the table, no screens or toys and that he is properly hungry before starting.