To expect after school club to provide a proper tea?

[Fummymummy]

Genuinely don't know what the norm is here so looking for perspective.

Dd is in reception and goes to wrap around after school.
After she'd come home starving several times, I asked the staff for more info about the tea set up.
They serve tea at 3.30pm, DD says she isn't hungry then so doesn't eat. Fair enough.The food is then taken away and they can have a cracker or a biscuit as snacks later on.
Every single day last week she has had crackers for tea, and today she's had 1 biscuit!
I get that she's offered tea but if she isn't hungry they can't force her to eat, and they have to have a cut off - that's fine, so I asked if they would at least save her plate for later so she at least gets her tea even if it's cold.
She came home yet again today absolutely starving. Doesn't seem like they're keeping her plate back.

We don't get home until about 6pm so she's going from 11.40 (when reception eat) til then.

AIBU to be pissed off that she's living off crackers and biscuits when she's meant to have tea there?
I don't get why it's so early, or why they need to take plates away if some clearly haven't eaten.
Is this normal? Do most kids have to have a second tea at home later? (We usually have bedtime snacks, not a full meal). I know it's not like a nursery where the ratio is lower, but it feels poor that they're letting her go without (bar the crackers).

She's in bed for 7pm so it's a struggle when I'm having to rustle something proper up between getting home, doing her reading and bath/ bedtime.

Am I expecting too much?

*that was meant to say she would be ok without it, IF we got home at 6pm and I could whip her up something quick then.

Same here, but not til 4.30. I believe they're offered fruit right at the start to tide them over.

If she isn't hungry enough to eat anything at 3.30 she probably isn't starving by 6, especially if she gets a snack in-between 3.30 and hometime. I do think tea at 3.30 is daft. Who has their tea at 3.30? Even if she ate it, it would hardly keep her going until breakfast.

So you need to tell her to fill up when they do offer the food, so she's not starving later.

Oh my god wtf is tea?

Oh my god wtf is tea?

In many parts of the country, the main meal you eat between the afternoon and the evening.

We have Breakfast, Dinner, Tea as the 3 meals served / eaten each day.

After school club is not like nursery. They get an afternoon snack but I used to pack my kids their own snacks to eat after school too. Then they come home for a proper dinner.

I would expect a snack but not a meal and feed them properly at home

7 is a normal bed time for a 4 year old. They need 11-13 hours sleep on average. And reception children are often very tired. Mine goes to bed at 7 asleep by 7.30 and has to be dragged out of bed every morning at 7.30.

3.30 is far too early for dinner

Some people use "tea" to describe the main evening meal.
Other people use "tea" to describe a snack and a drink at around 4pm.

Not getting at you but I do feel it's a bit sad that a 4year old is eating breakfast dinner and tea at school 5 days out of 7. I would look at reducing your outgoings to enable more time at home for her. Or if you are well paid get a nanny. Children need to see their parents and eat with the family. Think about it instead of being brought up by you she's in a big group all the time with different random adults. If you don't absolutely need that to survive then I wouldn't do it just for a bigger house or car or extra holiday etc.

Wow my dc's school is super cheap compared to most others on this thread.

It's £8 for 3.15 to 5.30 and there's a 50% sibling discount.
They do provide "tea" I think they get stuff like beans on toast or toasties or cold sandwiches, it's not until after 4.15 though as that's when the short session kids go home. They get a biscuit at 3.30.

YABU
It’s a parent’s responsibility to make sure their child is adequately fed. The most basic responsibility. If they’re feeding children at 3.30pm then of course that’s not meant to be their final food of the day. So you and all the other parents are expected to feed their children an evening meal.

Either send her in with a second packed lunch (grim for her, especially in winter with no hot food) or keep back a portion of your own home cooked meal each night and reheat it for her the next day.

I used to manage a asc. We did a snack as soon as the children came over from school. The idea was to enable all children to have the opportunity to eat as some are collected by 4pm. Some children would and eat others would be chomping at the bit to play. Remember there's quite a difference between nursery and school. Nursery children are in the same environment all day and know the routine of playing, eating etc. At school it's pretty structured, and asc is a new environment where they're free to let off steam.
I would definitely provide a little tea in a cool bag ( our parents would drop it off in the morning) and ask staff to remind your daughter maybe around 4.30pm to come and eat it.
We always had fruit out for the children which they could help themselves to and if a child was hungry later on we'd always rustle something up.

I'm really surprised at the grief you're getting about putting DC to bed for 7pm!
We didn't have to rely on ASC at that age but my DTs would often have dinner around 5pm (leftovers from mine and DH meal the night before or something cooked earlier in the day for us all to eat that evening) and then take themselves upstairs to get ready for bed because they were tired.
Sometimes I had to bath them before dinner to wake them up a bit as otherwise they were almost falling asleep in their dinner. They took after DH who goes to bed early and wakes up early - even when on holiday!
We also gave up with school dinners quite early on as they always came out of school starving. It was much easier to monitor - and considerably cheaper - to provide a substantial packed lunch then a quick snack to eat on the walk home followed by dinner.

Why are you just making stuff up ? Have you not read the thread ?
The OP's dd has a full, hot, cooked meal at lunchtime. Not sure why you would think that is grim, to have one hot cooked meal and one lighter, more snacky meal in a day. I think that is a fairly normal way to eat.

Oh, half my post has disappeared

It’s a parent’s responsibility to make sure their child is adequately fed. The most basic responsibility

In fairness to the OP, her dd is booked into ASC run by the same Nursery that was looking after her up until August. Where they provided her with a meal each afternoon which they called tea. They said the ASC provided tea and I don't think it unreasonable to assume the word means something different from what it did 4 months ago and from what it still does for her sibling, who gets a meal, called tea.

of course that’s not meant to be their final food of the day.

OP has said that isn't her final food of the day. She said she gave her something light when she got in - a suppertime snack if you like

Mine have a proper evening meal on ASC days. They get toast or sandwiches at about 3.30 at the club then they are collected at 5pm.

Definitely not enough to fill them up for the evening

Way back when our DC did afterschool about twice per week the situation differed in the 2 different schools he was in. The first school he was at supplied sandwiches/snacks if they stayed after 4:15pm - ie into the second hour after school finished. There were not hot meal options or tea/supper/dinner equivalent. The second school we were at had a similar timing for food provision but it was definitely ‘tea’ in the old fashioned sense from my childhood - ie beans and toast type stuff. In my childhood we went home for cooked ‘dinner’ at lunchtime or stayed for equivalent so the evening meal was ‘tea’ basically more like lunch.

As regards feeding DCs when they get home at 6ish. I regard this as a normal time to feed a child their dinner/evening meal and bedtime has to adjust to this. 7:30 is still plausible with planning and when they start at school is a good time to start the move towards eating together and more manageable bedtimes.

Just curious... why did you have a child ?

Hmm. She's very young, and only home for 55 minutes before she's in bed. Something needs to change here. I too wondered why she wasn't hungry if she's not eaten since 11.40? Is she a tiny slip of a thing that's not really into food?

Nasty and spiteful. Typical

That's a piss take. Mine is cheaper with a proper hot and healthy meal . Money grabbers

Not school but similar timings in that my child goes to nursery 1 til 6. They serve an afternoon tea at 3:30pm. Lunch is had around 12 at home before we drop off. My child doesn't always eat the tea because they're a very picky eater. Though the nursery provides alternative to an extent (plain pasta if she refuses sauce) often she will just eat an apple or a bit of bread. I wouldn't expect them to give her anything else and I feed her at home after collecting. It means a later dinner and later bedtime but she is fed. Like in your situation, I expect, afternoon tea is at that time as some children leave earlier than others and its the most sensible time for all. I think either your child needs to eat it when offered or you need to serve dinner at home. I presume you've been doing that so far anyway as you wouldn't have been leaving her hungry just because the times dont suit.