To expect after school club to provide a proper tea?

[Fummymummy]

Genuinely don't know what the norm is here so looking for perspective.

Dd is in reception and goes to wrap around after school.
After she'd come home starving several times, I asked the staff for more info about the tea set up.
They serve tea at 3.30pm, DD says she isn't hungry then so doesn't eat. Fair enough.The food is then taken away and they can have a cracker or a biscuit as snacks later on.
Every single day last week she has had crackers for tea, and today she's had 1 biscuit!
I get that she's offered tea but if she isn't hungry they can't force her to eat, and they have to have a cut off - that's fine, so I asked if they would at least save her plate for later so she at least gets her tea even if it's cold.
She came home yet again today absolutely starving. Doesn't seem like they're keeping her plate back.

We don't get home until about 6pm so she's going from 11.40 (when reception eat) til then.

AIBU to be pissed off that she's living off crackers and biscuits when she's meant to have tea there?
I don't get why it's so early, or why they need to take plates away if some clearly haven't eaten.
Is this normal? Do most kids have to have a second tea at home later? (We usually have bedtime snacks, not a full meal). I know it's not like a nursery where the ratio is lower, but it feels poor that they're letting her go without (bar the crackers).

She's in bed for 7pm so it's a struggle when I'm having to rustle something proper up between getting home, doing her reading and bath/ bedtime.

Am I expecting too much?

Ours have never had 'tea' at after school club it's not a thing usually just some fruit or toast for a snack and then come home for tea with the family at 6.30

Quick teas - pasta, pre done stuff / slow cooker, pizza, fish fingers - straight on when you get in.
Kids get used to it and you get used to quick food / adjusted bedtime routines

What are they offering at 3.30? I can see it would be a faff to keep her plate back and have to separately wash it up, and also put a cat among the pigeons for other kids who might see her having a different routine and also want to eat later. I think your options are encourage dd to eat the 3.30 meal, or prep something she can eat when she gets in. Slow cookers are good for this. Could this also be a bit of rebellion that such long days with barely any down time at home are not really working. Are there options to give her a break a couple times a week (flexible hours/grandparents/nanny?). It’s a lot to be at school until 6pm every day at that age and then bed by 7. She must feel she never sees you. No judgement, it’s hard, but this kind of behaviour in kids is often about something other than the thing itself.

The after-school club my son attends provides a
snacks, which are sandwiches that the children make (cheese ham or jam), fruit, and crackers. Maybe on the odd occasion, there might be fairy cakes. We pay £15 for 3:30 until 6pm

It’s just a snack, you are supposed to feed your child tea, they have had lunch at school so surely sharing a meal even if it’s a quick one is your time/family time with your child? Some people expect everyone else to do everything for their child these days. Can you imagine a child who also goes to breakfast club eating literally all their food at school? Why would anyone want that ..

YABU. I wouldn't expect an after school club to be providing any dinner, so the fact she gets offered a meal (and at 3:30pm!!) is very surprising to me!!

Ours just provide toast to keep them going until dinner at home

Encourage DD to eat at the appointed time. I am very positive they dont "hold" the meal due to health and safety. Also continuity. I am sure they have to serve a hot meal hot in these settings.
So either DD eats the hot meal peovoded at the allocated time or eats a hot meal at home.

I wouldn't expect anyone to eat at 3pm let alone a small child and not eat until breakfast. So despite the hot meal at school I would be feeding my kids at 6/6:30pm with a proper evening meal.

Mine gleefully told me he had whipped cream on a crumpet today. 😂 My experience of ASC is a snack (sometimes a weird snack!) and then a meal when we are home. My kids have always loved it though. I know they can get busy and distracted at that age. Your DD is only little. Can you remind her to try and eat? I have to remind my 6 year old to use the toilet especially on days when he does breakfast club and ASC on the same day - kid is a camel!!

When dc were in ASC it was fruit, crackers, toast, waffles, crumpets at about 4pm, then they’d be picked up between 4-6 depending on where we were working that day, as we were both field based. They always had an evening meal about 6:30pm before homework/reading, bath and bed for 7:30:8:00. They were then up at 8am for school. Oh I don’t miss those days of juggling and rushing!

A proper dinner with protein and vegetable is also important. And the OP has said that she has never done that on nursery days, so her kid grew up on wraps and sandwiches for dinner and then more bread when she got toast at home. The kid needs to be fed properly and not just at weekends.

Mine gets one biscuit 🫣

At OPs DD’s age, I used to collect mine from after school club in the car with a packed tea (sandwiches/pasta and yoghurt drink). Snacks were provided at the club but they often didn’t eat …just wanted to play. As they got older and their bedtimes became later, they had a cooked dinner at home.
Please also note that school lunches are often the tiniest of portions and not particularly nutritious/filling so don’t expect a hot lunch to be enough (unless they are allowed seconds?) . We switched to packed lunches as our kids were so hungry and complained that the food was blurgh ;, raw chips, over cooked foods, mainly highly processed frozen junk. All of course was offered with a side of salad (that they didn’t eat) to make sure nutrient recommended portions are demonstrated. After speaking to an ex member of kitchen team…we discovered that all of this was true. Very sad and worrying as this is the main meal of the day for some children and parents misguided into thinking they are being well-fed

Whenever I’ve picked up DNephew (5) from ASC which has been a few occasions since he’s started school, he’s never given tea (dinner) there, it’s usually a snack like a cheese or chicken sandwich but never tea (dinner). Sometimes he gets beans/cheese on toast or a wrap or veg sticks as @Sunshineandflipflops said. They usually expect him to get tea (dinner) at home.

He has been a bit cheeky sometimes and has asked for and been given (or offered) a spare eg sandwich but then he’s a gannet!

I think it's highly unlikely they'd be able to keep her plate back / leave hers out a bit longer for food hygiene reasons. They can't just leave food around that other children might have access to for all sorts of reasons. If it is something like sausage rolls and sandwiches however, you could perhaps ask if they would put them in a 'doggy bag' for her to eat on the way home.

Even at 4, your DD is old enough to understand that not eating the meal when it is provided has consequences (i.e. she'll be hungry), so I'd be unimpressed if she came home every night hungry because she hadn't eaten when she had the chance. Occasionally yes it's OK, every night no.

It won't be for long and she'll be able to manage with a later bedtime.

£11 is cheap for after school club, especially if they are there for a few hours.

I am 100% no fan of the Government but ASCs generally haven't provided cooked meals, ever. My eldest is coming up to 30, and it was only ever a snack.

Plus, the OP has said her ASC isn't run by the school, it is run by the Private Nursery that her dd previously went to.
So I don't think you can blame the Gvmnt for this particular thing.

OP - now you have said it is the same Nursery she always attended, and that your dc2 is still there, and fed, I can now understand your confusion about what they were going to, or not going to feed her.

100% fair play to you for responding so well to all the replies, and taking on board what people have said, and not rising to the rude and aggressive posters.

Well, she didn't grow up on wraps and sandwiches though, did she?
She would have a healthy cooked meal every lunch time and a light tea 3 days a week at nursery.
On the 4 days she was home with me, she would generally have a light lunch and a healthy cooked tea.
I now have to work full time to you know, responsibly afford children and she has a cooked school dinner every day. So no she hasn't "grown up" on bread. And people are giving me grief for not putting her to bed later, not being home sooner, as a working mother you can't bloody win!

I wasn't asking for bedtime advice or what I should cook her. I was asking about the expectations of after school clubs.

And if anyone would like to READ THE FULL THREAD, you'll see that the nursery (which is also the after school club) do in fact say they provide tea. (Which in this area means a meal). Whether it's snacky or cold or not.

Oh, just seen your lovely comment right after I cracked at another rude poster missing the point 🙈

I think this is my cue to not come back to the thread now and to get to bed! It's nice to see more reasonable posts than I'm used to seeing on AIBU though, tbf there's usually way more aggression 😂 so feel lucky on that front!

Can’t believe the difference in provision posted here!

we have a tiny local private asc option pick our boy up. It’s £14 and he gets a proper hot meal. We don’t give him dinner when he gets home. I thought this was the norm so it’s very interesting to read the variety of experiences.

Mine doesn’t, £15 until 6pm and only does beans on toast - a small kids ikea bowl size if value beans. Dinner is most definitely needed. I think it’s an absolute rip off but needs must.

Just wanted to say you're being extremely courteous in response to some very self-righteous and irritating posters, OP. Even including your most recent response to all the unsolicited advice.

It's very individual with kids and bedtimes...my eldest has never gone more than 9 hours at night even as a baby and at 8 will now only do 8, whatever I do. There'd be no point people telling me he needs more because he's just not wired that way. Probs a night owl like me, only way to get him to sleep more would be to take him out of school. DS2 at one otoh gets much more day and night sleep than his brother ever did at that age. People act like we can control every aspect of what our kids do. If your kid needs to go to bed at 7 she needs to go to bed at 7.

I have an after school club and we provide snack on arrival then a hot meal later

This. 7 is really early.

I sympathise because it’s hard to do the turnaround between pick up and bedtime when you work full time and they’re shattered - but it’s not ASC’s job to give your daughter her evening meal. They just tide them over, and I don’t think it’s unreasonable of them to expect your daughter to eat their snack when it’s put out. Your job here is to make sure your daughter understands she needs to eat it before playing.

My son’s ASC was similarly eclectic in its meal planning. Maybe healthier than yours. But it was fine because I understood it was just to tide him over.

Depends what you pay and when it ends. My DD’s school it is £5 for 3-5pm, which includes a snack, or £8 for 3-6pm which includes a hot meal at 4.30pm. There is a set menu, which includes pizza one night, nuggets and chips another, pie and mash, spag Bol etc. My DD does the 3-6, home by 6.30 and bed at 7.30. Would probably struggle if she didn’t have that meal, but would be ok without it, we got home by 6pm latest.