To expect after school club to provide a proper tea?

[Fummymummy]

Genuinely don't know what the norm is here so looking for perspective.

Dd is in reception and goes to wrap around after school.
After she'd come home starving several times, I asked the staff for more info about the tea set up.
They serve tea at 3.30pm, DD says she isn't hungry then so doesn't eat. Fair enough.The food is then taken away and they can have a cracker or a biscuit as snacks later on.
Every single day last week she has had crackers for tea, and today she's had 1 biscuit!
I get that she's offered tea but if she isn't hungry they can't force her to eat, and they have to have a cut off - that's fine, so I asked if they would at least save her plate for later so she at least gets her tea even if it's cold.
She came home yet again today absolutely starving. Doesn't seem like they're keeping her plate back.

We don't get home until about 6pm so she's going from 11.40 (when reception eat) til then.

AIBU to be pissed off that she's living off crackers and biscuits when she's meant to have tea there?
I don't get why it's so early, or why they need to take plates away if some clearly haven't eaten.
Is this normal? Do most kids have to have a second tea at home later? (We usually have bedtime snacks, not a full meal). I know it's not like a nursery where the ratio is lower, but it feels poor that they're letting her go without (bar the crackers).

She's in bed for 7pm so it's a struggle when I'm having to rustle something proper up between getting home, doing her reading and bath/ bedtime.

Am I expecting too much?

OP, I’d be telling the staff that she needs to eat something at tea time when everyone else is, and that she can play afterwards. Because it’s more likely that she just wants to play and isn’t thinking about food! My 5 year old grandson is just like this.

It’s not their fault your Dd is refusing tea at 3.30pm

At the ASC I ran the school kitchen done the food for us. The meal was offered at 3.30 because the kitchen staff finished at 4.30 so food has to be eaten and plates cleaned by then.

You either need to tell her to eat at their food time or accept she’s going to come home hungry.

If it was my four year old I'd be giving him firm instructions that he is to eat at least some tea when it is offered.

No, YABU. ASC is a snack everywhere I know. Think of it from your child's point of view, would you want to be fed lunch and dinner at work?

You could hire a nanny to cook dinner.

Completely agree with this.

YABVU. You should expect to feed your child when you get home. You are also being unreasonable expecting a 7pm bedtime if you don't get in till 6 pm. Feeding, chatting, and soon reading practice will need to happen.

At DD's after school club it was only ever a snack. Usually soup in the winter, and she doesn't like soup so would just have the bread. Actual dinner was as soon as possible after we got home but usually 6.30 to 7ish.

Summer days were her favourite when the food offered was a DIY sandwich & fruit.

It's normal for it to be a small snack. Mine have a meal when they get home.

Our ASC just gives a snack. Often toast. Dc eats dinner at 6pm when home.

FT working parent of a 3 year old and 8 year old. Irrespective of tea served at nursery at 4, and any snacks eaten at after school clubs - dinner is family meal, proper cooked meal eaten as a family around the table at 645.

To make this actually happen I cook on Sunday mornings and then no further cooking occurs rest of the week. Jackets/rice/spaghetti/wraps only. Actual meal itself cooked and frozen/fridge on Sunday.

After school club and nursery tea to us are symbolic of some sort of snack that they may eat or not eat.

I find it insane that you appear surprised that you need to “rustle something proper up” for your kid’s actual dinner and feel put out that you can’t simply skip her dinner? What?!?!

I would expect a decent tea for what I pay - £18 for the school ASC. And I'd expect that at tea time.

If I paid less then no.

So I think it depends on cost to he honest and then align expectations after that

So you could be unreasonable or not...

What time do you pick her up? My child went to after school club until 5pm and all they were given was jam on toast. We had a proper meal when we got home. But it was only £5 a day to use the ASC. How much are you paying?

Our ASC used to serve a drink and a basic sandwich, maybe a biscuit, at 4pm.

I'd collect ds at 6 and he always wanted supper with me at 6.30 or 7.

It's a snack here too. It really is tricky to manage getting home, eating dinner and into bed in time for me DC not to be exhausted the next day, let alone homework. I cook something like a cottage pie and use the oven timer so it's ready for as soon as we get home.

Ours offer a fairly substantial snack, sandwiches or wraps etc. But I've also started sending DD in with a packed lunch for ASC. Given she gets a hot meal at lunchtime I think that's fair enough for tea.

Whatever afterschool club call it, its mainly a snack to tide them over and then absolutely expected to eat a proper dinner when they get home.

Asc give them.a.high tea, which is much more like a snack rather than an actual meal.

So yes you need to feed her when you get home. And yes it's a horrible rush when they are very little.

The “tea” at 3.30 isn’t dinner. It will just be a large snack/light meal sort of thing. They don’t serve dinner. Almost all after school clubs are just a snack/sandwich etc because they’re expected to have dinner at home. You need to feed your kid dinner when you all get home.

If it's a rush between 6 and 7 to do bath, reading etc then the answer is to drop the nightly bath, not dinner.

YABU. Your DD is declining what is offered there. The responsibility to provide an evening meal is with you as her parents. The days DD was at ASC she would eat there (snacks such as crackers/wraps/noodles) and then I fed her a meal as soon as we got home, either something heated up from batch cooking + freezing or eggs + beans on toast.

.

Our ASC provides no food (snack or meal). I pack extra in the lunchbox so the kids have a snack after school. I pay less than £10 a day though. Kids get a proper dinner at home. Slow cookers are amazing!

@Fummymummy what are they serving at 3.30pm that your DD isn't eating? Is it a full meal?

As others say most ASC do not provide actual dinner but if yours does (but it's too early for your DD) then they need to make some kind of allowance as you are probably paying a higher rate for ASC if it includes a full meal.

Ours were provided with snacks and drinks. We had to collect no later than 5:30pm. We always gave tea at home then supper before bed.

Yabu op

They aren't there to feed them a full on meal for tea.

They are there to provide after school care for working parents.

If she's not eating after 11.40 am why is she not hungry at 3.30? Mine are always ravenous when they get in from school and I've had three at varying ages and all are the same.

Is it because she isn't liking what they serve?

Does she have a hot meal at lunch time?

Ours used to offer toast or sandwiches and fruit and squash at 3.30 and then snacks crackers and fruit abit later on because