To expect after school club to provide a proper tea?

[Fummymummy]

Genuinely don't know what the norm is here so looking for perspective.

Dd is in reception and goes to wrap around after school.
After she'd come home starving several times, I asked the staff for more info about the tea set up.
They serve tea at 3.30pm, DD says she isn't hungry then so doesn't eat. Fair enough.The food is then taken away and they can have a cracker or a biscuit as snacks later on.
Every single day last week she has had crackers for tea, and today she's had 1 biscuit!
I get that she's offered tea but if she isn't hungry they can't force her to eat, and they have to have a cut off - that's fine, so I asked if they would at least save her plate for later so she at least gets her tea even if it's cold.
She came home yet again today absolutely starving. Doesn't seem like they're keeping her plate back.

We don't get home until about 6pm so she's going from 11.40 (when reception eat) til then.

AIBU to be pissed off that she's living off crackers and biscuits when she's meant to have tea there?
I don't get why it's so early, or why they need to take plates away if some clearly haven't eaten.
Is this normal? Do most kids have to have a second tea at home later? (We usually have bedtime snacks, not a full meal). I know it's not like a nursery where the ratio is lower, but it feels poor that they're letting her go without (bar the crackers).

She's in bed for 7pm so it's a struggle when I'm having to rustle something proper up between getting home, doing her reading and bath/ bedtime.

Am I expecting too much?

@Fummymummy and by the way I don't want to tell you that you are doing it wrong- because I don't know your child- just suggesting what worked for me. I was you for many years!!

You do know that some women actually WANT to work, don't you? Why are you assuming that it's all forced? I would absolutely hate to rely on my partner for money, I don't judge others who do but that's not a life I want.

And working does not disadvantage women in any way, having my own money and being able to support myself is an advantage. I did not work when my DS was a baby and I split up from his dad and we ended up homeless and living in a hostel, that would not have happened if I had my own job and money. Never again.

I actually run a before and after school club myself and the ‘tea’ we provide is a high tea/snack and I make it very clear to parents that it is not intended to be their full evening meal.

We are attached to a nursery and the chefs plan the menu, we have a variety of things such as sandwiches, soup etc but it is only a small portion - we get the same amount for every child whether they are in reception or year 6, so would definitely not be enough for any child for their dinner/tea.

We have several children who will refuse whatever the high tea is, we offer them a piece of toast or bread and butter as an alternative as this is all we really have as an option. Some will still refuse and we would not overly encourage them to eat if they don’t want to as we do expect them to have at least a small evening meal at home.

I understand it must be a rush when you get home to cook before bedtime but unfortunately this is necessary for a lot of parents. Our chefs go home and the kitchen is closed by 4:30pm, so no option to have our high tea any later (ours is 3:30pm too) unfortunately x

Dinner/evening meal to most Northerners haha

I wouldn’t expect ASC to provide their main evening meal, whatever time that is and whatever they call it. I’d expect a snack to tide them over til you get them home and give them their meal.

My DS went to an ASC in years 3-5 (so he was 8-10 years old), they used to offer a cooked meal at 4.30pm. I picked him up at 6pm and he often had a 2nd tea when I cooked at about 7pm....but obviously being older, there was time for that as he went to bed later

I understand there’s confusion re the fact people use the word “tea” to mean different things, but I’m really surprised anyone thought after school club would provide a child’s main evening meal. And that the parents therefore wouldn’t be cooking them an evening meal in the week.

I agree with this - the obvious answer is batch cooking so the food can be defrosting during the day and ready to eat within a couple of minutes of her getting in.

Well, I think this because my school's ASC says that they provide a full cooked evening meal...

And they do - they get a full hot meal and pudding.

I understand not everywhere is the same (though apparently not everyone is able to understand this)

That is great, spriots, I am pleased for you that a proper dinner is provided for your child. However, as you and others have said, it doesn't happen universally.

I'd have thought the family, ie parents and child or children (however young), sitting around the table early evening and tucking into a nice meal would be the norm for most people. It's cosy, comforting and social, doesn't have to be a big or 'posh' dinner, something pre-cooked from fridge or freezer would be fine as long as all enjoyed and each could eat what they wanted. We always did that. However, it seems that is also not the norm for many.

People do what they have to do, we can't judge. I'm not sure this thread has done the op much good, frankly.

OK but I think this is quite rare, or at least you wouldn’t expect it unless it was specifically set out.

I thought it was implicit in what I said that there would of course be exceptions.

But I also agree with @LBFseBrom that there’s value in a family sitting down to dinner together- or at least one of the parents having dinner together with the child. A debrief time.

WOW! There are some rude people on this thread.

How in the world do you know what the OPs finances are like, or what her job entails ?

How incredible rude you are being.

No idea why people are giving so much grief to the OP who has asked a question, taken on board responses and seems lovely!

This ^
It was a simple question, which the OP has taken on board all the response, and the OP has also explained why she was somewhat misled - although I'm sure not everyone has bothered to read any of that pretty useful information.

Don't be obtuse.

You could try reading the thread if your understanding is that limited, you could even have learned something.

I think that is true for most people, Week54, or something like. I know when mine was small and came home from school he was always hungry, despite having a decent school lunch. He had whatever snack he chose, sometimes cheese on toast or a sandwich and maybe a bit of cake. Then we had dinner/supper at around 7pm, all together. It was nice. On the days I worked my in-laws did pick up and the routine was much the same. However, it is said that boys are generally more hungry and eat more than girls :-).

However, I must add that I only worked part-time when mine was small and my husband did something called a 'nine day fortnight' which meant he had days off at times, also had flexitime. That changed of course, I increased my hours and gradually built up to full time, husband had a complete career change, but that was a few years later and we were prepared to not be very well off/hard up for a while.

We were casual about bedtimes and our offspring did not get tired early. We'd get him ready for bed, clean and pyjamas, etc, but he'd stay downstairs with us until he was tired.

The op's situation is different plus we are living in a different era to the 1980s, so there isn't much point in making comparisons. She has to work things out as best she can for herself and her family. Good luck to her.

Presumably they feed them early because the children are all picked up at different times. If they fed them later, some of the kids would be mid-meal when their parents turned up. I've never personally encountered an ASC that provided an actual meal, though. Ours just get a snack and eat at home later.

Another YABU I’m afraid. Our ASC is £10 and they get a piece of toast.