To expect after school club to provide a proper tea?

[Fummymummy]

Genuinely don't know what the norm is here so looking for perspective.

Dd is in reception and goes to wrap around after school.
After she'd come home starving several times, I asked the staff for more info about the tea set up.
They serve tea at 3.30pm, DD says she isn't hungry then so doesn't eat. Fair enough.The food is then taken away and they can have a cracker or a biscuit as snacks later on.
Every single day last week she has had crackers for tea, and today she's had 1 biscuit!
I get that she's offered tea but if she isn't hungry they can't force her to eat, and they have to have a cut off - that's fine, so I asked if they would at least save her plate for later so she at least gets her tea even if it's cold.
She came home yet again today absolutely starving. Doesn't seem like they're keeping her plate back.

We don't get home until about 6pm so she's going from 11.40 (when reception eat) til then.

AIBU to be pissed off that she's living off crackers and biscuits when she's meant to have tea there?
I don't get why it's so early, or why they need to take plates away if some clearly haven't eaten.
Is this normal? Do most kids have to have a second tea at home later? (We usually have bedtime snacks, not a full meal). I know it's not like a nursery where the ratio is lower, but it feels poor that they're letting her go without (bar the crackers).

She's in bed for 7pm so it's a struggle when I'm having to rustle something proper up between getting home, doing her reading and bath/ bedtime.

Am I expecting too much?

Yes, I thought that but neglected to say it. I don't understand why she has to go to bed quite so early, a bit later might be more appropriate. I suppose if she is worn out she would but I'd have thought a bite to eat would have perked her up.

When mine was that age he used to sit at the table with us and have a good meal, the time varied but we were not rigid about bedtimes. It was nice. He had a snack on return from school, when I was at work his grandparents picked him up and gave it, my husband collected him on the way home from work. On days when I did not work I collected from school and gave a snack - 'tea'; I prepared dinner which we ate later together when husband got home. There was no shoving him off to bed early, had we done that he wouldn't have had much of an evening with us which was valuable time and we all enjoyed - and all slept well at night.

Kids vary in their needs of course and parents have to do what they have to do in managing their lives so no judgement from me.

I find it sad that children are in school for 10/11 hours a day, have all their meals at school and just go home to sleep. It's too young to start them on this relentless hamster wheel 😢

OP, this all sounds pretty normal.

I have two DDs aged 6 and 4. When they go to after school club they get a light meal (toasted bagel, crumpets, cheese sandwich type of thing). They do need to eat again when they come home but not really a big dinner. Sometimes they have beans or scrambled egg on toast, sometimes they just want cheese, crackers and fruit.

FWIW, their bedtime is 7pm too (as in going up to bed) and they sleep for 12 hours, up at 7 or 7.30am. The 4 year old is probably asleep by 7.30pm, the 6 year old perhaps a little later as she reads in bed for a bit.

Wraparound care isn’t school. It’s usually in a separate part of the building filled with toys books, games, big sofas and kids from all different ages to play with. The kids can play, relax on a bean bag, whatever. In the summer they play out in a massive playground all to themselves, run in the woods, go to the library, beach (where I am anyway) and absolutely love it.

But here’s the rub. If we relied on benefits to pay for our kids, someone would say “why did you have kids if you couldn’t afford them”

If we work to pay for our kids, and let’s face it for most people one wage isn’t going to be enough, another arsehole will say “why did you bother having kids if you can’t look after them” or awww I feel so sad for them.

Of course only ever said to the women. Literally nobody has ever asked DH why he had kids if he can’t be home by 3pm.

So to all the working mums on here being shamed by (surprise surprise) other women for working full time to provide for your kids, remember, unless someone else is paying your bills they can fuck off with their opinions.

I am sure your kids are as happy, chatty, confident and as thriving as mine are and benefitting from two (or one) parents working hard to provide a decent life in these hard times.

Your post basically says “my daughter refuses food offered to her and I want after school club to cater specifically to her needs”. You’re being ridiculous.

@OlympicProcrastinator

Totally agree. We recently cut a day at after school club due to a working pattern change and my kids were actually quite annoyed - they really enjoy it and there's no need to feel sorry for them.

Also different children have different patterns - my kids are in bed for around 7 so they don't get much of an evening with us on after school club days. But they are up at 6:15, this morning, I made them pancakes and we played a board game before breakfast club. Other families might do those things in the evening instead

You are complaining at how long she is going from her lunch to when she gets home and you are also complaining that they are offering her tea at 3.30pm and she isn’t hungry then?! Well which is it?! Surely she would be hungry if she is having her dinner before 12pm!!

Tell her she's got to eat the tea they serve at 3.30.

I work at a wraparound club. We serve snack and tea depending on what sessions are booked. Children booked in for snacks are picked up at 4.30pm by parents. They're served a small plate of cheese, crackers, a biscuit, fruit, sometimes a small wrap/sandwich/sausage rolls. Children booked in for 'tea' get a hot meal - pasta bake, chicken curry, lasagne, pizza. They're booked in until 6pm and parents are charged accordingly for a hot meal.

3.30pm seems a little early for serving food - our schools don't finish until 3pm/3.25pm, but surely you agreed to this within the contract? Snacks are served at 4pm and tea served 4.45pm here. However, your DC is being served her meal, and she is choosing not to eat it, so I'm not sure it's the staff or wraparounds problem. I don't think you can realistically expect them to keep her a plate of hot food and serve it cold later (food has to be cooked and heated to a correct temperature as per FSA when served in such an environment), if all children refuse to eat their offered meal, staff can't be expected to keep every childs plate for 'later' nor can they be expected to reheat/serve cold. I'm sure you'd have something to say if your child had a poorly tummy from being served cold/poorly reheated food.

You need to provide a packed lunch if your child won't eat what's provided when it's provided for them or encourage your DC to eat their meals at the time they're given.

I work in a wrap around club and it's definitely not a proper dinner. It also isn't a proper dinner at the one my DD goes to. It's something to tie them over, like a hotdogs, cheese on toast, a small pot of pasta etc.

The one at my school provides sandwiches, wraps etc. and the school DS attends does too.

When my kids were in wrap around care it was a tea like we would serve or an evening meal, it was lighter. They might have half a hot dog, crumpets, beans on one slice of toast etc. All kids got the same from reception to year 6. It was just meant to be enough to tide them over until they got home for a proper meal.

If they are fed lunch at 11:40 then tea at 3:30 then that's perfectly normal meals are usually served about 4 hours apart. For example 8am breakfast, 12noon lunch, 4pm tea, 8pm supper. So the gap between is.more than acceptable it's less than 10 minutes a different. Would you have accepted them giving her lunch at 12 then tea at 4 because that's not much different. Instead of berating school and demanding they change what clealry works for everyone else then try explaining to your daughter that she needs to eat the meal she is given at 3:30 and then if she's Hu gry later have a snack. School have enough to do without arranging around keeping plates back etc for the odd child. They also have food safety aspects to deal with if tea is cooked it's not always possible to keep back and reheating in school settings isn't recommended.

I’d take a packed lunch for her to eat on the way home.
I also think yabu if she is offered food and doesn’t eat it. You can’t really complain, they are offering her a meal. I do think it’s early, but it’s not my set up. I’m a childminder and I do dinner at 5ish and I find it extremely hectic because parents start arriving at 5.20, and that’s not enough time for everyone to eat. I can understand why people offer food earlier. It does make it easier.

Mines big now but they always just gave them snacks. They still had dinner when we got home. Does your child never get given a proper dinner?

I mean, are you seriously not aware that different children and adults…just different people need different amount of sleep?!
my eldest went to bed at 7.30 and would get up pre 5am every day. My youngest 5 goes to bed at 7 and has to be woken every single morning for school, normally about 7.30am and that cuts it fine. On a weekend she regularly sleeps until gone 8am.
that was unheard of with my eldest!!
I go to bed around 9pm most nights and sleep until my alarm at 7am, and if I don’t I am very very tired the next day. My partner goes to bed about midnight and gets up at 6.30 and copes fine.
i don’t understand how you don’t understand that people need differing amounts of sleep…does everybody you know go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time?! That’s the most peculiar thing I’ve ever heard!!

I think you are being unreasonable. After school clubs do not provide proper meals. The “tea” is likely to be some crudités and sandwiches or crackers. It’s a snack served at 3:30 because children are hungry after school, it isn’t designed to replace the evening meal which they would expect children to have at home. Also if they are offering food and your child is refusing there isn’t a lot they can do. They can’t start saving plates of food to reheat later for one child when they are busy clearing up, playing games and then dealing with handovers to parents probably on very minimal staff.
Just give your child a dinner at home would be my advice. Even if she ate a full meal at 3:30 she would likely be hungry again by 6/6:30pm

Ours get a small tea- usually soup and bread or spaghetti hoops on toast. They then have a small tea at home or yogurts for supper.

My rule at the table is we all sit together until everyone has finished eating. So no I wouldn’t keep one child’s plate out if they weren’t eating it when everyone else has finished. The entire group would be sat at the table for hours in that case, and I’m not willing to bend my house rule for one child. I would however have told you that when you asked if I could keep her plate out, and it doesn’t seem like ASC did say ‘no we can’t do that sorry’

Just also to say that I provide a full hot meal for dinner, shepherds pie, curry, pasta bake the like…followed by fruit and then a yogurt or pudding of some sort. Most children still went home and had further food at home of whatever kind their parents allowed within an hour. Not all school age children, but just to put it out there that even if they did provide what you expected, that may not fully solve the wanting more food at home! 😂

I think the comment about timing is fair. My kids got their tea at school at about 4.30pm, not 3.30pm, which does seem quite early.

It's interesting that the word "tea" has different connotations to different people. To me it means a relatively substantial snack, but not a meal. We have tea mid-afternoon if we're feeling peckish (or indulgent) but our main meal is supper served later. Lunch is at midday and dinner is saved for special occasions.

On the other hand, when I was growing up in Yorkshire tea was the main meal of the day served at 5pm and we had dinner at what I now call lunchtime. Supper was toast or cereal before bed. I don't think we ever had a meal we referred to as lunch. That was probably seen as for posh people (as in "ladies who lunch").

This is exactly what I was thinking 🙈 OP is sending her child to school all day then ASC expecting them to give her dinner, home at 6 then sending child to bed at 7pm 🙈 when exactly are they spending any time with their child, I completely understand that people need to work but common set bedtime later 🙈 and feed your child dinner 🙄

I'm quite shocked about some of the responses here tbh and wouldnt be happy if my children only got a cracker, i remember they would get a jam sandwich until i questionned it considering the other options they had. Mine do wrap around care too until 6pm. One at nursery and another and primary. Nursery give a decent meal e.g wraps, lentils, jacket potato, pasta etc. Both have their tea around 4pm/4.15pm. Primary either baked beans on toast, jacket potato, pizza. When I collect them at 6pm, nursery child won't eat again, but Primary child would have another meal which I do cook as DH and I eat at 6.pm-6.30pm too. In bed for 7pm. Usually something quick and easy or something from the slow cooker.

I think you’re bonkers to expect a child to get through the night from a meal offered at 3.30pm, and if she doesn’t eat then, even more so. Even when mine were in a (very expensive) nursery with cooked meals I still fed them dinner at home.

Our afterschool club does a little snack of wraps, or spaghetti on toast, but we still do the kids dinner when they get in. I don't get home from work until 7pm, so it can be a bit bonkers, and our weekly bedtimes are later to accommodate the days I work. We just muddle on with what works for us. I wouldn't be expecting a full dinner to be provided at afterschool club.

Most days I pick the kids up on normal school days they are starving and would happily eat their dinner at 3.30, so that could be why they serve it so early.