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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect after school club to provide a proper tea?

319 replies

Fummymummy · 11/12/2023 19:09

Genuinely don't know what the norm is here so looking for perspective.

Dd is in reception and goes to wrap around after school.
After she'd come home starving several times, I asked the staff for more info about the tea set up.
They serve tea at 3.30pm, DD says she isn't hungry then so doesn't eat. Fair enough.The food is then taken away and they can have a cracker or a biscuit as snacks later on.
Every single day last week she has had crackers for tea, and today she's had 1 biscuit!
I get that she's offered tea but if she isn't hungry they can't force her to eat, and they have to have a cut off - that's fine, so I asked if they would at least save her plate for later so she at least gets her tea even if it's cold.
She came home yet again today absolutely starving. Doesn't seem like they're keeping her plate back.

We don't get home until about 6pm so she's going from 11.40 (when reception eat) til then.

AIBU to be pissed off that she's living off crackers and biscuits when she's meant to have tea there?
I don't get why it's so early, or why they need to take plates away if some clearly haven't eaten.
Is this normal? Do most kids have to have a second tea at home later? (We usually have bedtime snacks, not a full meal). I know it's not like a nursery where the ratio is lower, but it feels poor that they're letting her go without (bar the crackers).

She's in bed for 7pm so it's a struggle when I'm having to rustle something proper up between getting home, doing her reading and bath/ bedtime.

Am I expecting too much?

OP posts:
Thedm · 11/12/2023 20:21

DragonFly98 · 11/12/2023 20:18

I disagree with the exeption of brownies which finishes at 7.30 my primary and preschool dc are in bed by 7/7.15. My 12 year old goes up at 8. They don't have homework though which helps.

Show quote history

Your 12 year old goes up at 8? My 12 year old has rugby which doesn’t finish till 8.15 one night, brass band practice which finished at 8.45 another night.
My 10 year old has chess club which finished at half 8 and basketball which finishes at 8.

Before Covid, so when they were much younger in primary, they had gymnastics, drama, rugby and swimming and all finished between 7 and 8.30.

Very much the norm here as the classes are all full.

Benibidibici · 11/12/2023 20:21

Most asc provide a light snack tea, its no substitute for a dinner at home.

I tend to batch cook & leave things ready so i can get food on the table fast - bolognese sauce frozen & left to defrost all day, reheated in microwave served with the pasta tbat cooks in 4 mins and some salad, veg soup i can reheat fast.

If she gets a decent school dinner (maybe not if its a state school) can you pack a decent sandwich lunch for her to eat at 5 or so?

Benibidibici · 11/12/2023 20:25

Before Covid, so when they were much younger in primary, they had gymnastics, drama, rugby and swimming and all finished between 7 and 8.30.

I think this is unusual. There was a 7pm swim class aimed at 6-8 year olds at our club & they scrapped it as they never got enough kids, everyone wanted the earlier ones. My DC is 7/y2 and from chatting to parents pretty much all the kids in his class go to bed/lights out between 7.30 & 8, so they aren't at clubs ending at 8.30

PeloMom · 11/12/2023 20:26

Can you bring her a bigger snack/ small meal she can eat at pick up so by the time she’s home she gets to eat and isn’t too close to bed?

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 11/12/2023 20:26

In most wrap around care its designed to be more of a meal to tide them over until you take them home for their dinner.

If she's there for breakfast, having lunch at school, and then you're expecting her to have eaten dinner at wrap around..when is she supposed to eat with you? Solely at weekends?

UsingChangeofName · 11/12/2023 20:27

I think there are two or three different issues here.

No, it's not usual to have a meal at after school club

However if they are advertising it as including "tea" then I can see that YANBU to think they might be. I think perhaps a chat about their 'advertising' or description of what they offer might help any confusion in future.

I am not surprised she isn't ready for much of a meal 3 - 3 1/2 hours after finishing her lunch, but as they will be expecting families to feed their dc when they get home, then they won't want to serve whatever the offering is, too late.

If you are only paying £11 for 2.5 hours of care, then that is really cheap, so I think YABU to expect some sort of 'meal' at club, other than a drink and biscuit / some fruit.

If you really can't feed her at home (meals in the slow cooker / meals made the night before - eg lasagne - that just need heating up / batch cooking) then I'd guess the answer would be to ask if she can bring in a packed tea, but that's going to be tricky in the Summer with it hanging around all day.

southlondoner02 · 11/12/2023 20:27

I imagine they provide food early because kids get picked up at different times depending on parents jobs so that way everyone has a chance of getting what they've paid for.

DD only ever gets a slice of toast or a bagel and some fruit, haven't heard of asc doing more than that, but yes I expect lots of food doesn't get eaten because the kids want to play

Original poster
Fummymummy · 11/12/2023 20:27

MummyJ36 · 11/12/2023 20:13

Can you not provide a small packed lunch for her?

To be honest my DC’s after school club carries wildly in what they give them, I find it quite funny really. Sometimes it’s pasta and tomato sauce, sometimes it’s a waffle with cream and strawberries! Total pot luck. I used to provide a cooked tea when we got home but DC wasn’t really into it even if they were hungry. I now make them a ham and cheese sandwich with a few tomatoes and crisps. Or a wrap. Something simple.

I think it’s too much to expect them to keep food aside and warmed up for DD when she’s not eating with the rest of the kids.

Your post really made me laugh, I did once walk in and she was just being given a cracker with a huge squirt of whipped cream on as I was collecting her 😂 at least they keep it interesting! I am also the queen of snacks so maybe I'll just have to send her with a variety of pickings she can access til we get home, and get some quick pre prepared teas readily accessible.

This thread is actually making me think I should try tweak my work hours to collect a bit sooner. I had been thinking this anyway, as it's just a bit shit having so little time with her since she's started school, but hasn't been possible up to this month.

OP posts:
PieAndLattes · 11/12/2023 20:28

Yep - same as everyone else. A snack was served when they arrived at ASC, so about 3.30pm. It was usually some fruit and toast, a marmite sandwich, a crumpet - that sort of thing. Sometimes they’d get a biscuit or a small cake if they were really lucky, but it was never meant to replace dinner.

Hermittrismegistus · 11/12/2023 20:30

At nursery it was a similar set up, they had tea about 3.30/4 like sarnies / wraps then I'd get her toast and fruit or something at home later before bed so I've never done a full evening meal and that's worked fine before

I'm shocked you've never given your child a proper evening meal. Toast, fruit, sandwiches and wraps are not very nutritious to eat everyday.

hsapposhit · 11/12/2023 20:31

Is this a misunderstanding of the word "tea"?
Some people use tea to mean the main evening meal and some people use it in the context of "high tea" or "afternoon tea" - a light snack and a drink at around 4 pm.
You seem to be using "tea" to mean the main evening meal.
I don't think the ASC mean that this "tea" is the main evening meal for the children going to the club but a light/meal snack to keep them going until they are collected and taken home to have their evening meal with their families.

I think YABU. You should provide your child with an evening meal at home, preferably something hot. You can't expect the ASC to force her to eat their "tea" so that you don't have to provide a meal for her later.

Gingerbee · 11/12/2023 20:31

When my children were in ASC, they had tea ie drink and snack at club.
We sat down for dinner on our return.
Unfortunately, Dad didn't get home until 8.30.
I ate with the children. DH was put in the microwave.

MummyJ36 · 11/12/2023 20:32

I always look forward to hearing what they have 🤣

  • pasta and tomato sauce
  • waffle with cream
  • plain (!) empty wrap
  • noodles
  • toast and butter
  • Cake

the list goes on!

I do admit I did expect a “proper” tea when I initially started sending DC and was a bit put out that I had to think of another meal after work but once I resigned myself to making a sandwich twice a week it wasn’t too bad!

Gitfeatures · 11/12/2023 20:32

I have no advice to contribute, I'm just struck by how refreshing and novel it is to have someone be so receptive to feedback when posing a query or concern. Fair play OP.

FloweryName · 11/12/2023 20:32

I think your mistake is in expecting ASC to be anything like nursery. ASC’s tend to be bare minimum supervision childcare whereas nursery is high quality educational childcare in a purposely built setting.

For the majority of children, 3.30 is likely to be the ideal time for a jam sandwich or a sausage roll because they usually come out of school hungry. The staff will probably have a routine and want to clear up from the big snack when it’s finished instead of leaving food hanging around. If they start doing it for one child, other children will want to be able to eat later too.

No one really expects children to thrive on school dinners and after school club teas.

Kdtym10 · 11/12/2023 20:32

When we used wrap around it was basically crackers then a full meal at home.

Out child minder we used in juniors gave them a proper meal.

Gillypie23 · 11/12/2023 20:33

YABU it's normally a snack. It's after school club not a nanny service

SgtJuneAckland · 11/12/2023 20:34

I'd rather DS be offered food that early, they have 'tea' at 4:30-5 and it's usually cake, jam sandwiches etc so then he doesn't want dinner and hasn't eaten anything vaguely nutritious

Original poster
Fummymummy · 11/12/2023 20:37

Ohthatsfabulousdarling · 11/12/2023 20:26

In most wrap around care its designed to be more of a meal to tide them over until you take them home for their dinner.

If she's there for breakfast, having lunch at school, and then you're expecting her to have eaten dinner at wrap around..when is she supposed to eat with you? Solely at weekends?

Well, yeah! Since they said they provided tea when we enquired, I assumed they'd have tea there already. They didn't specify it was a snacky tea or a tide over tea, or a full hot meal - and I didn't clarify either, I just assumed they provided food and she would eat there. 🤷

I worked 3 days a week while she was at nursery and she only ever had snacks and milk after nursery on those days as she'd always eaten tea there at 3.30/4. That always worked fine so I didn't have any reason to think it would be much different since it's a nursery - run club.

OP posts:
WinterNamechange · 11/12/2023 20:38

Our DC get a sandwich or a wrap and some fruit at their ASC. It is served around 3:30, then it's cleared away and the tables are used for crafts etc. You can't expect them to keep the food out just in case your daughter decides she is hungry later on, and if they agreed to keep aside a plate for her, then how long until other parent's demanded the same for their kids.

You wouldn't expect the school to keep food aside if your daughter wasn't hungry at the designated lunch time, so why would the ASC? I'm surprised she isn't hungry though if she hasn't eaten for 4 hours. But agree with previous posters - ASC can't be expected to provide your child's evening meal, that's your job.

Loveandloveandlove · 11/12/2023 20:38

EddieHoweBlackandWhiteArmy · 11/12/2023 19:21

Yes you are being unreasonable.
ASC at my children’s primary costs £4.50 (3.20-5pm) and they have jam sandwiches, fruit and milk. Which I thought was a steal!
They aren’t going to provide a hot meal at that time of day.
Can you not put some snacks in her book bag?

Wow! Mine is £11 until 5 and £16 until 6.

zeibesaffron · 11/12/2023 20:39

Snack at after school club, dinner at home - you are expecting too much!

Original poster
Fummymummy · 11/12/2023 20:41

FloweryName · 11/12/2023 20:32

I think your mistake is in expecting ASC to be anything like nursery. ASC’s tend to be bare minimum supervision childcare whereas nursery is high quality educational childcare in a purposely built setting.

For the majority of children, 3.30 is likely to be the ideal time for a jam sandwich or a sausage roll because they usually come out of school hungry. The staff will probably have a routine and want to clear up from the big snack when it’s finished instead of leaving food hanging around. If they start doing it for one child, other children will want to be able to eat later too.

No one really expects children to thrive on school dinners and after school club teas.

Yep, that makes total sense.
My youngest attends the nursery that run the after school club, so that's probably why my expectations were the same of the club.
My mistake there, and that's exactly why I was concerned - because she's not thriving off biscuits and crackers!
I will alter my expectations and just make sure I have easy stuff in for a proper tea at home

OP posts:
Lovethistimeofyear · 11/12/2023 20:44
  1. the tea you describe is not an evening meal. It is an after school snack. Even if she does eat this then surely she would need something more substantial at 6pm?
  2. We gradually pushed our DD’s bedtime back to accommodate us working and them going to childcare. This allowed us to have something to eat together, do homework, reading etc
  3. £11 from 3pm-6pm is very cheap. I would not expect an evening meal to be included. Our ASC provided a snack at 3.30pm - it was often pretty substantial, but was still referred to as a snack.
SnowSwan · 11/12/2023 20:44

"Tea" isn't dinner. Tea is just a light snack to tide her over until dinner. You are still supposed to feed her at home.