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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect after school club to provide a proper tea?

319 replies

Fummymummy · 11/12/2023 19:09

Genuinely don't know what the norm is here so looking for perspective.

Dd is in reception and goes to wrap around after school.
After she'd come home starving several times, I asked the staff for more info about the tea set up.
They serve tea at 3.30pm, DD says she isn't hungry then so doesn't eat. Fair enough.The food is then taken away and they can have a cracker or a biscuit as snacks later on.
Every single day last week she has had crackers for tea, and today she's had 1 biscuit!
I get that she's offered tea but if she isn't hungry they can't force her to eat, and they have to have a cut off - that's fine, so I asked if they would at least save her plate for later so she at least gets her tea even if it's cold.
She came home yet again today absolutely starving. Doesn't seem like they're keeping her plate back.

We don't get home until about 6pm so she's going from 11.40 (when reception eat) til then.

AIBU to be pissed off that she's living off crackers and biscuits when she's meant to have tea there?
I don't get why it's so early, or why they need to take plates away if some clearly haven't eaten.
Is this normal? Do most kids have to have a second tea at home later? (We usually have bedtime snacks, not a full meal). I know it's not like a nursery where the ratio is lower, but it feels poor that they're letting her go without (bar the crackers).

She's in bed for 7pm so it's a struggle when I'm having to rustle something proper up between getting home, doing her reading and bath/ bedtime.

Am I expecting too much?

OP posts:
Mummymummy89 · 11/12/2023 19:47

I think you are very unreasonable to put your dc to bed by 7 if you don't get home till 6. You're not spending any evening time with them at all. They must be up at an ungodly hour if they're in bed by 7, even my 3yo is never in bed that early.

Chipsandbeansandcheese · 11/12/2023 19:48

I’ve always fed my children dinner when they’ve got home. The food at ASC was never enough.

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 11/12/2023 19:49

Clearly your Dd is wanting to play /doesn't like what they're offering rather than not being hungry op.

Sotiredmjmmy · 11/12/2023 19:50

Ours provides no food at all, I send mine with a few snacks to keep them going then dinner at 6.30ish once home. They’ve been doing that since they were 3 years old and have survived!

Original poster
Fummymummy · 11/12/2023 19:51

So we pay £11 for the ASC (breakfast club is an additional £10) and a meal is meant to be provided, not just a snack. It tends to be Sandwiches, hot dogs, sausage rolls etc.

At nursery it was a similar set up, they had tea about 3.30/4 like sarnies / wraps then I'd get her toast and fruit or something at home later before bed so I've never done a full evening meal and that's worked fine before, so I'm not sure why she isn't hungry after school now.
For what I'm paying I feel like they should at least make sure she's had more than a biscuit. I'm wondering if they have an afternoon snack at school that's too close to the after school tea maybe? I'll find out!

I've thought about making her a little pack up so she doesn't go hungry, just feel like they could leave picky bits out though as a minimum? Otherwise I'll just have to eat my tea early and do her some of that I guess.

OP posts:
MiniMaxi · 11/12/2023 19:52

I am amazed that people have ASC providing proper food! Is this in state schools? We pay £15 a day until 5.30 and there’s a small snack when they arrive at the club at 3.30 and that’s it

Whattodo112222 · 11/12/2023 19:52

My daughter goes to wrap around care, most nights they provide a light tea such as wraps and salad, crackers, ham and cheese, jacket potato and some kind of protein or pasta with pesto or sauce.

She's given that at 4.30pm. I pick her up at 5pm. At 5.30pm she still is hungry so I make her a quick dinner..

I wouldn't expect after school club to give her a full meal and for me not to feed her again before bedtime.

Thedm · 11/12/2023 19:52

The 7pm bed time is going to have to stop soon too. I’m guessing you just haven’t quite realised that as kids get older, you lose a lot of the adult only time on the evening because your kid is up. My kids were in ASC from primary 1 and we didn’t get home till 6ish. They had homework, dinner, hang out time, sometimes a club which usually started at 7.
You don’t get to put them to bed at 7 and have the evening to yourself anymore.

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 11/12/2023 19:53

Mummymummy89 · 11/12/2023 19:47

I think you are very unreasonable to put your dc to bed by 7 if you don't get home till 6. You're not spending any evening time with them at all. They must be up at an ungodly hour if they're in bed by 7, even my 3yo is never in bed that early.

That's not what she asked though, is it.

My DC are in bed by 7 and struggle to get up in the morning at 7. They love their sleep. Every child and family is different.

caringcarer · 11/12/2023 19:53

If your DD has lunch at 11.40 it's strange she isn't hungry at 3.30 pm. That's almost 4 hours since she last ate. I think you need to explain to her sh eats when everyone else does or she will be hungry. The crackers are a snack to keep her going until she gets a cooked meal at home. Scrambled eggs on toast or spaghetti hoops on toast or an omelette are all really quick meals you could do in 5 minutes. You could save her food from the previous day to throw into the microwave for her. She has to learn a whole group won't or shouldn't be expected to change just to suit her.

TheMadGardener · 11/12/2023 19:53

Every ASC I have known does snacks like toast, jam, fruit, yoghurt, carrot sticks, crackers, cheese etc. Not a cooked full meal. They tend to do food earlyish as children get picked up at all different times.

I would expect all children to have supper/dinner when they get home.

However, if she won't eat their snacks then maybe provide her with an after-school snack box to dip into, as others have suggested.

WandaWonder · 11/12/2023 19:55

Isn't that the parents job?

MizzMarple · 11/12/2023 19:55

£11 is cheap! I pay £16.50 at one school and £14.75 at another. But it varies by area.

Original poster
Fummymummy · 11/12/2023 19:56

Mummymummy89 · 11/12/2023 19:47

I think you are very unreasonable to put your dc to bed by 7 if you don't get home till 6. You're not spending any evening time with them at all. They must be up at an ungodly hour if they're in bed by 7, even my 3yo is never in bed that early.

Great your 3yr old doesn't need as much sleep, but all kids are different. If she goes to bed later she can't cope 🤷. She occasionally still naps. She only turned 4 just before school started. Not exactly fair to send her to school tired just because we don't get home til 6. Not the point of the thread though! We put her in ASC so she'd have had her tea when we collect her - which is the point.

OP posts:
PuttingDownRoots · 11/12/2023 19:56

4yos are supposed to have 10-13hrs of sleep... 7 is a normal bed time in Reception! Clubs finish at 7, not start for a good few years yet...

Expecting them to eat a meal at 3.30 is wierd though.

Hardbackwriter · 11/12/2023 19:58

Fummymummy · 11/12/2023 19:51

So we pay £11 for the ASC (breakfast club is an additional £10) and a meal is meant to be provided, not just a snack. It tends to be Sandwiches, hot dogs, sausage rolls etc.

At nursery it was a similar set up, they had tea about 3.30/4 like sarnies / wraps then I'd get her toast and fruit or something at home later before bed so I've never done a full evening meal and that's worked fine before, so I'm not sure why she isn't hungry after school now.
For what I'm paying I feel like they should at least make sure she's had more than a biscuit. I'm wondering if they have an afternoon snack at school that's too close to the after school tea maybe? I'll find out!

I've thought about making her a little pack up so she doesn't go hungry, just feel like they could leave picky bits out though as a minimum? Otherwise I'll just have to eat my tea early and do her some of that I guess.

I think it's really unusual for a sandwich or wrap at 3.30 or 4 to be a child's evening meal, and I don't think that's what either nursery or ASC expect. It's to keep them going until their meal at home, not instead of it.

RoseGoldEagle · 11/12/2023 19:59

If you’re paying for someone to look after your child between 3.30 and 6 then how is it too high an expectation that your child will be fed a simple but decent meal at roughly the time most kids would have tea? Which is not 3.30! I think our expectations are too low!

angelikacpickles · 11/12/2023 20:00

You need to give her dinner when you get home. Even if she does eat her tea in ASC, she'll surely be hungry before bed? The tea in ASC is not usually meant to replace dinner, it's like an afternoon tea.

My kids eat a packed lunch at school, tea in ASC at 4pm, a snack when they get in at about 5.30 and then dinner at 7pm.

Viviennemary · 11/12/2023 20:00

If she is choosing not to eat the food when it's given she can't really complain about being hungry later. Most childminders would usually give only biscuits for after school snacks. Unless arranged with parents to provide a meal and not many do that AFAIK. Most children would be given their evening meal at home.

Blarn · 11/12/2023 20:00

Just snacks for us, same as lots of others. When they were very small I would give them a very quick supper of toast and beans, tortellini pasta, sandwiches and veg sticks etc. Now they are older they just eat dinner when we get home.

It's just part and parcel of using a afterschool club.

Gymmum82 · 11/12/2023 20:02

Our ASC does provide a meal at around 4.30 however it is VERY small. So mine still need a proper tea at home. The previous club we used only provided snacks like salad and crackers. No meal. Others in my area provide nothing. So I don’t think there is a norm. You’ll have to send her with a packed tea or feed her a meal when she gets home I think

AnneValentine · 11/12/2023 20:03

£11 and expecting a full meal is OTT.

Original poster
Fummymummy · 11/12/2023 20:03

MyLadyTheKingsMother · 11/12/2023 19:49

Clearly your Dd is wanting to play /doesn't like what they're offering rather than not being hungry op.

I did wonder this too! I'll have to get a bit more info from the staff, I have told her she will need to eat with everyone else when the food is out or she will go hungry.
She says she's not hungry, but obviously she's 4 and the master of messing about so this could 100% be the case.

I feel better that a lot of settings are similar in just offering a snacky tea, I don't expect a full hot meal or anything, just would like them to maybe give them a bit longer to eat it. I might stick some snacks in her bag tomorrow!

I'm sure it will get easier when she's older and doesn't need to go to bed as early, but she's still very much in the barely coping category by pick up on a Friday and still sometimes needs a catch up nap on a Saturday 😂

OP posts:
ActDottie · 11/12/2023 20:03

They are feeding her she is just refusing the food.

ChangeNameLikeIChangeSocks · 11/12/2023 20:05

Perhaps I'm missing the point but 3.30 seems wildly early to be having the evening meal.
My reception age child eats at 7-7.30 and then bed at 8. He has a snack at 4ish if he's hungry, which would be a banana/apple if I'm lucky, or a brioche if he's lucky.

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