To expect after school club to provide a proper tea?

[Fummymummy]

Genuinely don't know what the norm is here so looking for perspective.

Dd is in reception and goes to wrap around after school.
After she'd come home starving several times, I asked the staff for more info about the tea set up.
They serve tea at 3.30pm, DD says she isn't hungry then so doesn't eat. Fair enough.The food is then taken away and they can have a cracker or a biscuit as snacks later on.
Every single day last week she has had crackers for tea, and today she's had 1 biscuit!
I get that she's offered tea but if she isn't hungry they can't force her to eat, and they have to have a cut off - that's fine, so I asked if they would at least save her plate for later so she at least gets her tea even if it's cold.
She came home yet again today absolutely starving. Doesn't seem like they're keeping her plate back.

We don't get home until about 6pm so she's going from 11.40 (when reception eat) til then.

AIBU to be pissed off that she's living off crackers and biscuits when she's meant to have tea there?
I don't get why it's so early, or why they need to take plates away if some clearly haven't eaten.
Is this normal? Do most kids have to have a second tea at home later? (We usually have bedtime snacks, not a full meal). I know it's not like a nursery where the ratio is lower, but it feels poor that they're letting her go without (bar the crackers).

She's in bed for 7pm so it's a struggle when I'm having to rustle something proper up between getting home, doing her reading and bath/ bedtime.

Am I expecting too much?

Evening meal is not the norm for after school club so it sounds like they already do a lot more than most. Mine got juice and a couple of biscuits. Its expected the kids eat when they get home.

It's irrelevant what the "contract" and your expectation is, if your 4 year old child is hungry before bed then feed her, end of.

7pm is an appropriate bedtime for a Reception child. I would be concerned that you are expecting a child that young to be getting all her meals at school and only coming home to sleep, with minimal parental interaction.

You are paying £11 for two and a half hours childcare. That's very reasonable.

Most people will have their family meal together when they get home

All of the schools I work with provide a snack for their after school clubs, and expect that parents will make their children a proper evening meal when they get them home.

Yeah ours is a state school. I just double checked what they say on their website and they describe it as "a freshly prepared hot evening meal", definitely not just a snack.

But it's also open till 6:30 so I think at that point it's necessary for kids to be given a full meal.

My kids also still go to bed for 7pm at ages 7 and 4, they just need that sleep, they ask to go to bed, we don't force it

I think your expectations are too shaped by nursery/younger children. ASC at my child’s school has children from reception to y5 and is run as such, ie assuming independence - they keep them safe, entertained and provide food, but absolutely no one is monitoring how much a child eats or ensuring they eat more than a biscuit. They don’t have the staffing for that.

Food is served early and put away early because the kitchen staff leave early and the dishes etc have to be done by then, so I doubt they’d agree to leave food out. Plus from a food hygiene perspective they can’t just be leaving “picky bits” eg sausage rolls or ham or whatever on the side for several hours.

If you want tailored childcare you need to look at a childminder or nanny for after school.
ASC costing £11 and expecting them to cajole your 4yr old to eat numerous times is unreasonable.

Even if they fed her at 3.30 - she still needs feeding later. Why not a packed tea. Mine eats a hot meal at lunch. Tea is at 6 so she eats a packed meal/picnic style. Bed at 7.

£11 is so so cheap! You're expecting a bespoke service whilst paying a pittance. If you require this, pay for a nanny.

Or just tell your child to eat when served and stop being a pain.

It was always a snack for mine and proper tea when they got home. Doesnt seem reasonable that they have to have the snack at a certain time though? Maybe they could have an early shift and a late shift so to speak? Need to see what the contract is and definition of 'tea'!

Thanks for the quick meal tips, I'd usually do her toast or similar on a night anyway and do sometimes throw on some beans and scrambled egg. Depends how hungry she is!
I definitely don't expect the whole group to change, I'd thought it was reasonable to ask them to leave hers out a bit longer before clearing it away, especially if it's just something like sausage rolls - but then if she's not getting a plate in the first place then maybe it's a lost cause. I don't actually know what time they clear away so I'll ask that too!
I imagine like a pp said, she may be too busy wanting to play rather than not being hungry. She can definitely be a supreme messabouter (yes that's a word 😂)

Can you not provide a small packed lunch for her?

To be honest my DC’s after school club carries wildly in what they give them, I find it quite funny really. Sometimes it’s pasta and tomato sauce, sometimes it’s a waffle with cream and strawberries! Total pot luck. I used to provide a cooked tea when we got home but DC wasn’t really into it even if they were hungry. I now make them a ham and cheese sandwich with a few tomatoes and crisps. Or a wrap. Something simple.

I think it’s too much to expect them to keep food aside and warmed up for DD when she’s not eating with the rest of the kids.

YABU

Our school costs £6 an hour. Runs for 2 hours so we pay £12 and no food served at all.

I've always sent them in with extra fruit, cheese sticks, crackers, soreen, those squeeze yoghurt, individually wrapped brioche, rice cakes covered in sugar yoghurt etc. I'm the queen of ambient snacks.

Tea has always been at home.

Both the school I work at and the school my DC go to have a similar offering at ASC. They get offered a decent 'tea time snack' served around 4-4:30pm. It's usually something reasonably substantial (pasta pots, hot dogs, cheese toasties, pizza slices etc, served alongside a selection of veg crudities, fruit and yogurt) but it's not designed to replace the evening meal. I have always given DS a proper cooked dinner once I've collected him. We pay £14 a session which is pretty standard around here.

Ours provide a “tea” which IMO isn’t a dinner, it’s just a snack before dinner which they have once they are home

Our ASC offer toast/crumpets/malt loaf etc at 4pm (school finishes 3.20, kids who get picked up by 4 don't get given anything). Latest pick up is 5.30.

This seems perfect to me. When I collect at 3.20, it's rare that we'd be home and have snacks ready much before 4pm. But 4pm is early enough that even if they have a fairly substantial "snack" they'll still want some proper dinner at 6pm (bath 6.45, lights off 7.30)

If she’s having lunch at 11.40 I’m very surprised that she’s not hungry at 3.30. Must kids would be starving. I think you need to insist that she eats something at that time. Is she too busy playing to bother with eating?

Make friends with you slow cooker OP, so you can have a protein full proper meal ready for walking in the door each day and then she can have dinner. Proper dinner and not toast.

It's not the evening meal, it's only a light tea. They should have dinner or supper at home.

Clubs for other schools in the area are around £7 for the same provision, so that's the only perspective I had to compare to. I can see from the thread it varies massively, as do provisions and expectations - which is why I was asking on here. I feel like I'm being fairly reasonable given the mix of responses, but will definitely have to start preparing something more substantial for quick teas based on the info from others.
Where abouts are you?

I disagree with the exeption of brownies which finishes at 7.30 my primary and preschool dc are in bed by 7/7.15. My 12 year old goes up at 8. They don't have homework though which helps.

Give her a sandwich and an apple to take in for a snack at the after-school club. That will sustain her until she is home. I daresay she is not the only one to be hungry and you not the only parent who is anxious about it.

As long as she has a decent meal before settling down for the night, she will be fine. However, it is a long day for a little one.

But it is part of the point of the thread, because you say you don't have time to feed her an evening meal.

Eating an evening meal with their parent(s) is beneficial for dc in all sorts of ways, in terms of bonding, social development, etc - and first and foremost, your dd is hungry. It's really better to make time for it.

If you are completely sure that it is essential for your 4-5yo to go to bed as early as 7, then imo you need to rearrange something else so she's getting home before 6.

I assumed the 6pm is a non negotiable due to work commitments etc so the logical thing would be to push back bedtime to 7.30 or 8 so you can fit in the evening meal.

‘At nursery it was a similar set up, they had tea about 3.30/4 like sarnies / wraps then I'd get her toast and fruit or something at home later before bed so I've never done a full evening meal’

Your child has only ever had fruit/toast for dinner and you’ve never done an evening meal??