What has made motherhood easier for you?

[daisidoo]

Was it staying at home, working part time, always working full time? Support network, area you live in, temperament of child, having an only child? Your attitude and personality? Having kids young while you have energy or having fun first before settling down? A combination of any of the above, or something else entirely?

Just interested as it seems some folk have a very easy breezy carry-on and adapt quickly while others seem to seriously struggle and complain their lives have altered for the worse.

I know that no two experiences are identical but wonder what helps and what doesn’t iyswim 😀

Being really honest - money.

Being financially comfortable makes everything easier. In particular:

Being able to afford childcare - nursery, now wraparound and holiday clubs and babysitting for evenings out

Being able to afford a family home so we aren't on top of each other

Being able to afford activities and toys and games comfortably

Boarding school & Gin.

Having a very involved and loving family who help out a huge amount with free childcare. Without a doubt that’s the biggest factor.

Working compressed hours so I have a three day weekend but a full time salary - invaluable (albeit exhausting).

Having an ‘easy’ child. He is genuinely a joy to raise and he causes me virtually no trouble.

Being quite a flexible, open minded and stoical person. Being able to approach most things from a baseline of sensible cheerfulness is a great asset in my experience.

Having a house with space and garden.
Hands-on partner that doesn't think anything related to children is automatically "women's work".
Having local friends with kids in the same school year.

And yes, able to afford preschool and a cleaner...

I am a first time mother. I have always wanted children for as long as I can remember. I was aware of the expectations and knew it would involve all sorts of emotions and lots of dedication.

Definitely, the support network. I was unwell for 6 weeks post-birth. Having a supportive husband and my mum, who stayed with us for 2 months after birth, certainly made it soo much easier. As it’s not just the childcare, but the housework etc. By then, my mum, mother to 5 of us, taught us everything, and we got the hang of it.

I generally enjoy childcare, since I was a teenager, from being around so many kids in our extended family. Not working is also a massive help, so there isn’t the stress of that either. I find it very interesting and fun to see how babies act, also quite hilarious. 😂 I think, giving it time, getting used to the changes in your life, and learning as you go along, makes its easier.

Delaying having a child until I was senior enough to be extremely flexible, to a large extent dictate my own schedule etc, having only one child, and making enough money for good childcare.

Things that can be bought/done:

Perfect prep machine
Sleepsuits with zips
Baby signing
Buggy board
Good wellies and waterproofs
Collapsible travel potty
Gro clock
Ergobaby carrier

Other things that can't be bought but really make a difference:

Working from home
Flexitime
Supportive grandparents
Nursery really close by

14 months in with my first and I'd say my unquestionable number 1 is local family and friends.

I would have absolutely drowned if I hadn't had friends and family to spend a few hours with each day. Even just going round for a cup of tea for the morning helped so much, and still does. I am honestly in awe of people who get through maternity leave without this kind of support network.

Being emotionally ready. Id 'lived' my life in a way that meant I was ready emotionally to 'settle down' or 'give up' my old life. My child changed my life and she isn't compatible with the life I had before in so many ways, but that's ok because I don't want that life anymore anyway.

Primarily the temperament and relatively low needs of my children, and their abilities (no worries at school, coped brilliantly with distance learning during lockdowns etc). Also the fact that we were in a financial position that meant I was able to work part time for 18 years. And being married to a man who has been a capable and supportive husband and father. And the fact that until very recently dh and I were both teachers, so school holidays were easy.

My first child is only 6 months old so I’m not very far into motherhood. So far the main thing that’s helped is having a really supportive DH. He works quite long hours but still helps with the baby as much as he can. He also does the majority of the house work at the moment. I breastfeed and DS is extremely attached to me which makes it really difficult for me to get anything done at the moment. I don’t know how I would cope if I were single or had a husband who expected me to handle childcare and housework alone because he works.

Having an exceptionally loving and supportive husband who pitched in and did his share of everything.

I think this is really personality dependant and can be a bit self selecting.

We don't have local family or friends - partly because we didn't prioritise that when choosing where to live, which in turn is partly because we are both introverts. I can't imagine anything worse than having my mother or anyone else staying with us for two months after birth as a PP talked about.

Actually some of my happiest days of maternity leave were spent on my own, going out for walks with the baby in a sling or sitting in the library reading the papers while cuddling the baby.

I've only got a 2.5 year old so might be speaking prematurely (am pregnant with second) but these are my musings so far!

• working part time (3 days a week)
• working in an industry where I can be flexible. I've left early/wfh short notice/worked after bedtime etc when there have been childcare issues/illnesses.
• my personality (and maybe my DD's, or is she the way she is because of me? chicken and egg situ, will have to see what the next one is like!) I fed to demand, didn't do nap schedules, I carried on my life as normal and she just had to get on with it and sleep wherever. I was never worried about her crying in public, she's had tantrums and I've just got on with what I need to do etc whereas I have friends who just wouldn't have gone out.
• money - for childcare, toys, days out, meals out etc.
• cosleeping - I was not interested in hours spent leaning over a crib patting and shhing. DD slept with me for 18 months and DH was in the spare room, we all got great sleep. She eventually then went off to her own bed and I get in with her if she wakes during the night and wants me (she has a small double) and sleep with her. I have always been of the school of thought of making my life as easy as possible now and I will cross the bridge later, except I've not really found any issues yet! She started settling herself back to sleep all by herself!

My child is a good laugh & we always have fun, and chat.
Not reading any parenting books, doing what I feel is right.
Lockdown baby, so I didn’t have to join in any mum stuff.

Having one child and financially comfortable to pay for childcare, activities and new shoes etc.
Accepting that good enough is good enough and not stressing over small things, which has a positive knock on affect on dc too

I haven't found it that easy lol!
But times when it was easier was:
Having good friends/ support network with DC same age who "get it" and you can have a laugh and a cry with.
TBH I was briefly stay at home mum so didn't also have to juggle work made it easier too.
When eventually we became more financially comfortable so could provide for DC more easily.
Temperament of child definitely helps. If they sleep well makes life a lot easier than if they are colicky, if they are easily placated much easier than toddler tantrums from hell, if they are a happy well adjusted teen then you've won the lottery!!
Having DC with no SEN or medical issues will clearly make it easier.
Probably also not having too many DC makes it a bit easier timewise. ( I have 4 and don't regret it but currently only have 1 at home and it's a lot easier!!)
Also having close family support ( which I haven't had but think that would have really helped)
Being able to have time to.myself so I'm not constantly frazzled.

buckingmad, I did things very similar to you.

Working part time and having fantastic support from my parents

Divorce. Im still doing a lot of it on my own, but I do it my way and dont have to sit and resent anyone for just watching me do so without lifting a finger.

Easier - one child, money, I'm part-time (and work short distance from home or from home), DH works from home at least 2-3 days week, temperament of child (most of the time)

Harder - demanding jobs (even if technically part-time for me), lack of family support, draining family, having one child (yes I know I put that on the easier list too), lack of physical fitness, DH drinking most nights.

Support from my parents, as well. Especially during COVID.

Them growing up

Just survived my first year of motherhood and so far:

Having a husband who is an equal parent
Financial stability with little money worries
Working full time with flexibility e.g WFH
Using a nursery within walking distance
Formula feeding from birth
Having a routine/schedule
Sleep training

Yes you're right, and depends very much on the temperament of the baby too.

My baby never ever wanted to be put down and used to cry constantly - nothing would hold her interest for more than a couple of minutes. Even now as a toddler she is very demanding. So for me, being able to spend time with other adults who'd help share her attentions or even just bring me a cup of tea while I (constantly!) fed her was priceless. But I do appreciate a lot of babies are not so intense.