What has made motherhood easier for you?

[daisidoo]

Was it staying at home, working part time, always working full time? Support network, area you live in, temperament of child, having an only child? Your attitude and personality? Having kids young while you have energy or having fun first before settling down? A combination of any of the above, or something else entirely?

Just interested as it seems some folk have a very easy breezy carry-on and adapt quickly while others seem to seriously struggle and complain their lives have altered for the worse.

I know that no two experiences are identical but wonder what helps and what doesn’t iyswim 😀

Grandparents!
Going with the flow.
Working part time.
Cutting myself some slack!

Enjoying it. I was apprehensive and only had DS because time was running out or the decision would have been out of our hands, rather than out of a deep desire to have a child. Everyone told me in pregnancy that being a mum is difficult (which of course it is compared to being able to think of yourself first or only deal with other rational adults). So I was knocked sideways by how much I loved him and enjoyed him from the moment I laid eyes on him; the level of sheer delight was utterly unexpected. I had never felt a lack of purpose or anything before but suddenly I knew why I was on this planet - to look after this little amazing human. I think a lot of this was/is hormones and luck but it has always made me feel like motherhood in general is easy, excepting the normal bumps.

• DH who is a hands on, 50/50 parent and supportive partner who doesn’t believe parenting is ‘a woman’s job’
• Involved, close by grandparents, family and friends who are more than happy to provide free childcare as often as needed/wanted
• Having children in our 30’s; more mature emotionally, ‘lived’ more already so ready to make DC our primary focus, already established careers etc.
• The biggy- financial comfort/security. Whilst we’re not ‘wealthy’ we are comfortable, so affording the necessities hasn’t been a big worry or stress. Whilst not everything, I think this one has the potential to make or break the full enjoyment of parenting.

My mother

DH and family have been great but my Mum is deserving of a sainthood. She was born to be a mother and grandmother. The most selfless person to walk the planet. ❤️

To answer the question honestly I can say without a doubt it was living a really fun life until I was early 30s .. travelled a lot. Lived overseas for many years.. had genuinely exciting times - so when I had children I never hankered after the 'missing out' and was genuinely content to be tied to kids .

Support network is top of the list I think!
Partners job means I solo parent about 75% of the year. I have parents (separated) who both help me out massively and a fab babysitter who doesn't cost the earth (so worth her weight in gold!)
Second...you don't have to be rich but not struggling financially is a big one to lessen stress. For example being able to say sod it let's go to a soft play or trampoline park on a miserable afternoon when everyone is bouncing of the walls, can definitely be a blessing! 😅

Other things .. childrens temperament definitely make a difference I had 2 under 2, both chilled happy babies so it was a breeze...until the preschool years, 2 strong minded little swines one with ADHD to trigger my own & add the joy of school runs and our household is definitely no longer as laid back chill!

There are pros and cons to being a older/younger mum I was mid 30"s, had had a ball in my 20s and was definitely ready to settle down, I had had a job that I would have had to sacrifice to be a young mum, cos wasnt compatible, but I definitely had more patience and energy when I was younger and an awesome metabolism, so would have found it much easier to get my figure back than the battle of being 38 with a 1 &3 yr old!! (Still not got it back now 😭)

Oh and the confidence to go with your gut and parent your won child on your own way and ignore all the well meaning advice and criticism that you know isn't right for you.
No one is perfect. Good enough is good enough.

Money and a husband who sees you and your job as important as his.

not sweating all the small stuff ( x is walking before mine), wine, and not expecting your child to be some sort of genius and being disappointed in them when they are not.

Honestly, money. Private school means flexible hours for pick up and drop off. Lunches are non optional and everyone has to have them so no faffing around with whether child would prefer packed lunches etc.

Money to have loads of holidays, weekends away, days out whenever we fancy them, eat out whenever we don’t want to cook.

i have had one of extreme to the other in my parenting life so I can say from
experience that this is the one thing that really had made it easier.

We both also have well paid but entirely flexible jobs so no dramas around school pick ups/drop offs/school holiday cover.

As someone else said, not having a child with additional needs also makes a huge difference (I have two children, eldest does and youngest doesn’t so again speaking from experience - eldest now almost grown up and it was HARD - he didn’t sleep etc).

And following on from that - a child who sleeps and has a good bedtime routine (which depends on the child as much as - or more than - the routine itself). Evenings to myself guaranteed with my second, absolutely loved her bed and still does!

I had no or low expectations so all of it was a nice surprise how much I liked my baby, etc
Old enough to be successful with good maternity leave and career to go back to.
Very good childcare options I could afford.
Reasonable amount of family nearby to help.
Only one child with no health issues or special needs.
That last one is mega but out of your control.

There are things that make motherhood easier but all in all it is hard! Also remember some of the easy breezy types might be lying and really struggling underneath!

People always say sleepsuit with zips on these things. That’s a matter of opinion. I hate having to completely undo the entire thing to change a nappy. With poppers, I undo the bottom 4/5 poppers, pop their legs out and change and popper back up. With a zip you have to undo the entire thing and take their legs out, which means it’s only on their arms!! It’s a faff and I have no clue why people like them so much.
for me not working has always helped when I’ve had periods of no work, no matter how old they get. I’ve got a 14y old, 5yo and pregnant.
I felt much more capable and easygoing with the second than the 1st. I adapted much quicker and accepted what she needed.
and that is my hugest tip. Accept what they need. Babies wake up, babies need feeding, babies need hanging, babies need holding a lot. Just go with it. It doesn’t last forever. And if you don’t accept it that makes it impossibly difficult. I look back sometimes at my time with the eldest and I’m like, he was just being a normal baby/child why did it bother me so much. I guess a factor of that too is to educate yourself, know what is normal and what isn’t. My eldest woke regularly in the night until he was 8. My middle woke more in the night than he did between 0 and 2 but now sleeps a stupid amount! 😂 so now with this one I am aware that either ends of the spectrum will indeed be normal and whatever they need I will just need to do.

What has helped me so far has been co-sleeping. Make sure you have a job with good terms, being self employed is crap when you take maternity unless you have loads of savings. Make sure you have decent and willing help, hired or family/ friends. I've chosen a relatively useless partner and there's only 1 grandparent left, who doesn't feel she can get practically involved, she doesn't even like holding dc for 5 minutes while I have a wee! We've also moved house so much over the last 10 years that I don't really have a network and all extended family are practically strangers. Also a shed load of money helps. I moan about it, but I'm well aware I did have a choice so I have to suck it up!

@saffy2 all the zip ones I had unzipped either way so you only unzipped the lower part in the same way as poppers!

None of mine ever have zipped both ways, only top to bottom!!

You can get maternity allowance when self employed, it’s £172 per week. Which is around the same as SMP. I’ve always been a bit better off on maternity allowance than on my actual self employed wage 😂
you apply, then you’ll receive a letter saying it’s £27 per week unless you want to pay your class 2 ni, due to the way ni is paid now for self employed people you will never have paid the contributions. So then you pay the relevant ni, and then you’ll get £172 per week for 39 weeks the same as SMP.

1. Picking the right person to be their father. DH and I approach all child stuff as a team and share the load.
2. Only having one child.
3. Working in a job I love and having enough time to myself.

We have DD 2 and 6, hasn’t all been plain sailing but judging by the stories of some others it’s been pretty good. We also don’t have any family support network near. Things making it easier - a really great nearby nursery and money to be able to pay for it, ‘easy’ babies in terms of temperament and sleep (def luck of the draw with this one!), no health issues with me or kids, no SEN issues with kids, helpful (most of the time) DH although he could do more I feel!, also being able to WFH and a flexible employer - that’s a big one! Also I feel I’m pretty relaxed in terms of parenting, I’ve learnt not to sweat the small stuff.

Having a summer baby and being in a male dominated career. I absolutely loved my maternity leave, hanging around with other women over the summer months. It was my first opportunity to spend time with lots of women.

I didn't return to work after my little boy was born and have had my daughter since, I know I'm lucky as my partner has a good job that we can afford to do this, my previous job would have only just covered childcare costs with what was left pretty much would have been the cost of my commute, I think I'd have felt different if it was a job I was passionate about and do miss the adult conversations and more time to myself on occasion but I don't think I'd change it

Podcasts/radio 4 type programmes. So you can have some mental stimulation while doing mundane repetitive shit like laundry or cooking.

Self employment
Living near school
Lots of playdates and sleepovers

And the organised mum method. Makes a huge difference to the housework.

For me, a husband who is totally supportive. And a mum I can call for any worry about the children, she's been there several times so always knows the answer!