What has made motherhood easier for you?

[daisidoo]

Was it staying at home, working part time, always working full time? Support network, area you live in, temperament of child, having an only child? Your attitude and personality? Having kids young while you have energy or having fun first before settling down? A combination of any of the above, or something else entirely?

Just interested as it seems some folk have a very easy breezy carry-on and adapt quickly while others seem to seriously struggle and complain their lives have altered for the worse.

I know that no two experiences are identical but wonder what helps and what doesn’t iyswim 😀

Lowering expectations and not being so hard on myself. So much to worry about and feel guilty for, childcare, working too much, money, screen time, home cooking etc. It's easy to put so much pressure on yourself as a parent but you can't get everything perfect and that's fine. Since I've accepted that and not beat myself up about everything I've been happier.

Being emotionally ready and having a really good husband. Everything else I think just falls into place once you are a team together. Also doing what works for me. I'm relaxed on screen/tv time and when breastfeeding didn't work out due to me being really unwell I didn't think twice about switching to formula. I can't believe how much people question themselves and their choices.

A stable relationship that had already survived 17 years. Money. Good health. Good friends. Good family support. Easy pregnancies and births and feeding. A warm, comfortable place to live. Healthy easy babies. A successful fulfilled previous life that I was ready to change. And the self awareness to realise how mind blowingly, indescribably lucky I was. Because practically none of that was anything to do with anything I had done.

Yup. Being able to live a comfortable lifestyle and work 3 days a week, by choice, has been my saviour.

This would me as well. Being able to throw money at a problem takes away a lot of stresses in life.

Space - decent sized house
Supportive partnership with DH who does his share
Money

Sleep, however you can get it. Everything seems possible on ok sleep. DD had a bit of a tricky time with sleep initially and it was crazy how unlike myself and just generally unwell I felt.

My ex doing 30 percent care and finally agreeing to the same 2 weeknights and 1 weekend a month. Prior to that I had no time and was depressed

I was going to interpret this in a TOTALLY different way. As in "What has motherhood made easier for you."
Becoming a mother myself has made it soooooo easy to bat away my own mother's unreasonable requests. "Sorry, can't/must/wish I could but the DCs....!"

Having a supportive partner that is a hands on father and does an equal share of the childcare and jobs around the house.

Having enough money to afford nursery fees, holiday clubs and a big enough house that we can spread out and not feel like we're living on top of one another.

Living within walking distance of school.

Working part time. It was lovely to have time with DDs during the week and not need full time nursery and now they're both at school I can get shopping, cleaning, laundry etc done during my days off so our weekends are free to enjoy family time.

Being reasonably laid-back and not sweating the small stuff.

We don't have family support nearby so no relatives to help with childcare.... having money to pay for babysitters and clubs in the school holidays has undoubtedly made this much, much easier.

Gin!

and money.

Divorce

Money. We're not rich but we're comfortable enough that having an Asda delivery in winter, replacing outgrown school shoes or paying £6 for a baby class isn't out of the question ever even on the last day before payday.

Friends. Bloody good friends. It took a good 5 or 6 years for my NCT group to move from "mum friends" to firm friends, who talk about everything including the kids, but not limited to them.

Exceptionally low standards for housework including never ironing ever and having a takeaway at least once a week (see point one; money.) Married to a bloke with even lower standards, who lived in a squat for a while so sees hot running water and electricity as a real boon 😂

Paying for a full time nursery place but working a 4 day week. On my off day I can take him out to spend the time with him, but I also have the option to catch up on housework, life-admin, rest, or catch up on actual work not back-to-back meetings. Also if the weather is terrible my toddler prefers to be in nursery instead of climbing the walls at home!

Having a genuinely 50/50, hands-on husband. He earns about four times what I do and in a high pressure job, but splits sick-kid cover with me, genuinely carries 50% of the mental load, and (mostly) does it with a smile!

Both “pausing” or slowing our career progression whilst we’re in the sleep deprived, sickly toddler years. Staying in the same companies where we’ve already proved ourselves, able to work flexibly, comfortable in our roles, have great hybrid working options, known family-friendly companies etc., rather than going for the next big role or exciting opportunity where there’s pressure to prove yourself and learn the ropes whilst home life is at its most demanding.

Waiting until 30s to have kids so that above has been possible.

The main thing for me is breastfeeding. It just makes life so much easier - no faffing about with bottles, sterilising, temperatures. I think I would have had a breakdown if I hadn't been able to EBF as I am dyspraxic and would really have struggled.

I have three under six and am pregnant with number four. I have access to my own passive income, so have been able to be a SAHM from the start which has made life so much easier. DH works abroad fairly often, but I have family support nearby so am very privileged all round really. DH is very hands on when he's here and has a balance of working from office and from home.

I live somewhere where there is a beach and lovely parks within walking distance (I rarely drive as I hate it) and have quite a few good friends nearby as I live where I grew up. Loads of cafes, cinemas, theatres, libraries. ILS live a long way away and don't really interfere, so I also dodge that minefield.

I am still only 33 so feel I have had my DC when I have plenty of energy to deal with them, but totally understand why some people prefer to wait until they are older than I was when I had my first. DH and I had done a lot of travelling including living abroad before we settled down. We still prioritise travel and holidays and I don't feel I have missed out on anything by having children.

1. Having my children young (25, 29, 31) - I have plenty of energy
2. Relatively easy babies
3. Routine & keeping organised at home (this is a huge one for my mental health)
4. Being a SAHM (only because I enjoy it) and a supportive husband who values and appreciates me and what I do for our family
5. Increasing ability to ‘buy in’ help - occasional cleaner, childcare etc.
6. We live away from family so having close friends for us and our children

Money, being married to a truly kind and dedicated father and husband, a reasonably senior role in a flexible workplace, lots of family support and babysitting, two kids who get on well so far aged 4 and 2, a great nursery, living in a generally great area to raise kids, being fairly relaxed about the big picture of parenthood (what to have for dinner stresses me out much more than choosing schools!), healthy children and healthy selves and parents so far, ability to breastfeed, a lovely NCT group who are now proper friends. Basically all things which I understand to be almost completely outside of my control.

SAHM
Lovely husband
Money

First baby was easy so it was a breeze
Second baby cried all the time so that made it harder but it would have been even harder if I had a shit husband, had to work full time and had no money.

Sleep training.
My life was a cosleeping nightmare of less than an hours' sleep at a time, every night, desperately trying to get a bit more by cosleeping, which made it even worse as I couldn't even relax whilst in bed. Until I sleep trained. Since then getting lots of sleep every night and not having to wake up exhausted has made life so much easier.

It's a joy to get up in the morning to spend it with my DS and take him to his little activities well slept and happy.

Going back full time. I found maternity leave so difficult. I welcomed going back to work.

Having a flexible-ish job

Being in a job that pays well so could go part time if needed.

Being financially secure to throw money at problems.

Having got the partying and travelling out of our system.

We don't have family nearby. It would have helped to a certain extent but we also really enjoy our own company.

Same.

Mum and in laws live within a 10 min drive and I’ve been lucky enough to have about 4-5 friends on maternity leave too so I’ve been able to have days out every day.

I find the baby’s much easier to handle outside of the house so it’s been a blessing.

Working from home, with flexible hours.

Incredibly loving supportive involved grandparents 10 minutes walk away.

Kind, funny, articulate kids!!

I'm a sahm and we're financially very comfortable. We don't outsource much childcare though - the money is spent on tons of activities which keep me and dc busy and on a schedule. I find that invaluable for my mental health. It's also allowed us to buy a good size home in a good location - not a classic desirable place to live by MN standards but very central London so I can get out very easily (I can't drive, despite throwing money at it) and have endless places to go and days out with the dc. We have regular nice holidays and DCs go to private school so a lot of their extracurriculars are provided at their school, which saves a bit of ferrying around (but I do a bit of ferrying for some activities which are better quality elsewhere).

My parents and siblings aren't very involved so we don't have much family help and I don't feel much need for it. DH is very involved, we are together with the dc all weekend, he doesn't go off to do hobbies or see friends. He takes on an equal share with parenting and chores when he's not at work. We get on well and I enjoy his company, so I feel less need to socialise with friends.

Personality plays a big part. I'm not very sociable so I've never understood new mums getting lonely. I'm really happy going around town with just my dc. I've also never needed much sleep and I've never felt sleep deprived with a newborn. I get by fine on 4-5 hours a night. I don't need external validation so I don't miss the structure or social aspects of work. I like creating my own schedule and plans.

I have 1 child who is (was) very easy-going. I also had a part-time job and lots of family/friends supporting me.

Now she’s a teenager, money definitely helps, and I still have a good support system.
Working from home has also been great, as I have been working FT for the last 5 years.

Waiting until I was 33 and we were financially comfortable in our forever home.

Having one child.
I’d planned for more in my head and that didn’t work out but I’m very happy we have one. I work four days a week from home and our now 12 year old is the happiest kid I know.