What has made motherhood easier for you?

[daisidoo]

Was it staying at home, working part time, always working full time? Support network, area you live in, temperament of child, having an only child? Your attitude and personality? Having kids young while you have energy or having fun first before settling down? A combination of any of the above, or something else entirely?

Just interested as it seems some folk have a very easy breezy carry-on and adapt quickly while others seem to seriously struggle and complain their lives have altered for the worse.

I know that no two experiences are identical but wonder what helps and what doesn’t iyswim 😀

My nanny.
And a night nanny during the first few weeks.

I’d second all of these and also add that we’re going to stick with one child for this reason as well, money and time are not in abundance and I feel I’d be over stretched with two or more kids.

Space at home and organisation. A messy house makes the day so much harder.

i have two children. The first has health problems- bad asthma, multiple allergies. Has spent a lot of time in and out of hospital. Was a poorly baby, difficult to feed etc. my second baby has no health issues. The experiences could not have been more different and still now, at 7 and 4, his health makes such a difference to our lives and how we cope. So the biggest one for me is a healthy child. Which sadly, we cannot control but a good support network helps massively to cope with this.

It's a slog at first with 2 but pays off if - IF! - they can play together nicely.

The fact I was young (21 and 26) and was able to stay off work until they went to school. Supportive parents both sides who charged us minimal rent to live with them while we saved a house deposit.

Part time, school hours work for me from when they hit 5 was also a Godsend cos we had no family locally to help with school runs and we didn't like the idea of childcare.

@15PiecesOfFlair It’s not a gamble I’m willing to make plus there’s no way we could afford another set of nursery fees, even if we waited until the eldest was in school the thought of scrimping and saving and nearly getting into debt to afford nursery again is just awful.

Same for us and totally agree that life with a healthy child is so much easier

Having a decent DH, who was happy to look after his children, do housework and generally take over when I wasn't up to it.

• Working freelance when they were babies
• Setting a sleep and feeding routine from quite early on
• Not giving in to fussy eating/bad behaviour
• Having family ‘rules’ that are non-negotiable

That all sounds really harsh but it definitely made things easier and we do also have a loving home!

The single most game-changing thing above was the sleep routine.

Ahhh yes Sleep routine for sure. I've been reaping the benefits for years now, can't imagine living through the bedtimes some of my friends have with their kids. Depends on the child as well obviously but I was all over the naps when young, and we have bedtime sorted now they're older. Youngest can still be a pain but hoping that's a phase!

Love a sleep and feed routine here too. I'm having twins this time and having some experience with sleep and feed routines is the main reason why I think we'll just about survive 3 under 2.

The less I work (and commute) the happier I am.
I wish I had family close by. Financially it wasn't an option for us to stay in the area where my parents live AND have children and I really miss having someone to help out, not necessarily with the day to day childcare but the odd date night or someone to watch one child while i take the other to a hospital appointment.
And one you can't change: whether your sleep needs are compatible with your child's. My 5 year old sleeps great, 8.30 till 7 and has for years. My 9 year old (despite trying every trick in the book) is a terrible sleeper usually awake till 11and it leaves me constantly exhausted.

One child, full time job for the variety and hands on partner. Money of course too.

Zoning out of other women's insecurities often brought on by society's pressures.

Literally came here to say this, as I noticed money was the only one you missed off your list OP. Sad, and privileged, but true.

It will not matter at all to some people, who will still find joy in having children regardless, even if they are struggling financially. If I am brutally, brutally honest however, I would have forgone having children if I knew I couldn’t have put them in boarding school so I could also have my career and my love life. I boarded - as did my siblings - loved it and thrived, and my parents are one of the only sets out of all my friends that are still together and madly in love. They credit having dedicated date nights, being fulfilled in their careers, low stress from not having us under their feet, and generating enough wealth to buy TIME as making them happy and attentive parents. We spoke on the phone to both of them every single day without fail no matter where they were in the world, every other Friday afternoon we all came home for the weekend and had THE best quality time as a family, and they both took every single school holiday off work to dedicate themselves to us (the three of us boarded at a co-ed so we had identical holidays, and could see each other during the week). Compartmentalisation was key for them, and was also the only way I could honestly ever see it working for me. I don’t get to take all of every school holiday off as I’m employed (my parents were self-employed), but I follow the rest of the model, and the ONLY thing that has made that possible is money. There will undoubtedly be far more resilient, effective parents out there than me and my husband because they have more hands on experience, and those who don’t have children that board will always trot out the usual ‘part time parents’ comments, ‘why did you bother having kids’ etc etc. My answer to that would be I was fortunate enough to have an opportunity to achieve my version of ‘having it all’, so I took it. Maybe we will live to regret our life choices, who knows. Life’s too short to sit and worry. I love my children dearly obviously, but I know for a fact I’d like them a lot less if we couldn’t afford the set up we have. I definitely agree with the mantra that money can’t buy happiness, but it does buy opportunity. And that for us has helped no end in being happier parents.

Money

I had kids pretty young and actually think that made it easier (compared to friends having them now in mid 30s). We weren't used to any particular way of living, so we formed our lives and careers and habits whilst bringing up our eldest. It helped that I've never liked partying much and my career allows travel and exciting events - so I've never felt sad or jealous I didn't get that 20s decade of being "selfish".

Running my own company/being self-employed helps massively. What you don't get in maternity leave you make up for in flexibility for the rest of their lives! (And boy do you need flexibility once they're at school).

Money is definitely a huge factor. We received a v large inheritance when our eldest was 4 and suddenly life got a lot easier.

Another thread reminded me of another thing - sleep training.

Ours were awful awful sleepers beforehand or we might not have done it - but being up every 1-2 hours was soul destroying and it has made me enjoy motherhood so much more

I struggled to conceive then my mum died when I was pregnant. After that whatever happens isn't important. House is messy someone turns up ....not bothered. Kids are up in the night. I know it won't last forever. My hubby is more up tight.
And just asking for help if you turn up somewhere with no baby wipes or not enough snacks just ask another mum! People don't mind. Can't be organised all the time! I'm also in my thirties and have super mum friends. I know you can't have it all. We don't do fancy holidays or stressful things. Rarely take my kids on long car trips. And my boys are very easy if I go somewhere I can chat and get a coffee they generally play well and aren't needy 🤣

Having an equal patner in dh who I don't have to micromanage. He has always been on board with my career and has a great deal of flexibility in his work which benefits our family hugely.He was able to wfh 2 days a week to do nursery pick ups and drop offs well before covid. When we had our 3 Rd child was able and willing to compress his hours so he could have dd2one day during the week. I work a Saturday too but he's off then anyway. Being part time helps.

My 3 are very much a blessing and I enjoy each and every one of them for who they are. It's challenging at times but I've never had any wider family support so dh and I have always banded together. My family are 4 hours away and mil simply isn't interested so I just wouldn't ask her for help unless in an emergency.

I've had challenges with each. First was a low birth weight baby, issues with fine and gross motor skills, didn't drink milk or eat or sleep very well for 2 years. Ds struggled with teething, dropped percentiles for weight and didn't sleep through till age 2. They were 15 months apart. Dd2 had reflux for the first year of her life, so concerns about gaining weight slowly and lots of laundry to contend with. In all of that dh was by my side sharing the worry and taking over as soon as he got in from work. I got into a fab routine with each and was very settled when we decided to have dd2 She is our only child to sleep through from 3 months, eats well and aside from the reflux has been easier all round. I'm also much calmer now (extra laundry I would have found chaotic before) but I know each stage only lasts so long before the next challenge. I also appreciate now moreso that they are only little for so long so I just took it on the chin and rolled with it.

The age gap helped between ds and dd2. He was 4 and at preschool meaning I got mornings to myself with dd2 Dd1 was at school. By time I went back to work both older kids were at primary school meaning we only has the 1 kid to look after at home till school time.

My saviours have been:

The absolute no 1, without any shadow of a doubt is having a baby with a man who desperately wanted to be a father and who does 50% of the parenting no questions asked.

No 2) I didn’t breastfeed, purposefully, because I wanted DH to be able to do night feeds too and help in the first year of the baby’s life and to develop a similar bond to me. I’m not saying that can’t happen when breastfeeding, but it makes it harder if only mum can feed, especially if they’re a bottle refuser. I also FF as just anecdotally, the FF babies I’ve known have slept longer throughout the night and I am a person that really gets ill and struggles with lack of sleep.

3. Just getting lucky and having a baby that has been so easy and a really good sleeper from the get go.

4. Money- We’re pretty financially comfortable and are able to live in a nice big house with lots of space so we’re not all on top of one another. We’re also able to live in an AONB which has done wonders for my mental health when I get out with the baby for walks each day.

5. Having my mum on hand for babysitting if DH and I want an evening out with friends or just together. (Will never ever take this for granted and know how lucky we are with that.

6. Being able to go back to work part time, 3 days a week, mostly from home. It’s invaluable as it means I can run the hoover around and stick a wash on/ get the dogs walked on my lunch breaks/ any quiet periods.

7. Sticking at one. Like another PP said, it’s so underrated and I think a lot of people’s lives and motherhood journey’s would be less stressful if they stuck at one.

Sticking at one totally depends on the child fyi. My eldest was by far my most difficult child so far (currently pg with number 3) and if I’d stick with just him I would never have known how easy some kids can be!!!

My mum. Plain and simple. I moved to be near my family and it was the best thing I did for my career and mothering because it allowed me to hold down a good job if the kids were sick and not get overwhelmed as there was another pair of hands a couple of times a week.

Money. Losing my idiot ex husband.

Life is much better.

Only having one child. Right from the moment friends started having second ones I realised how much easier it is with one. Every event and special occasion is virtually stress-free because I only have to consider one child, or organise one child.