What has made motherhood easier for you?

[daisidoo]

Was it staying at home, working part time, always working full time? Support network, area you live in, temperament of child, having an only child? Your attitude and personality? Having kids young while you have energy or having fun first before settling down? A combination of any of the above, or something else entirely?

Just interested as it seems some folk have a very easy breezy carry-on and adapt quickly while others seem to seriously struggle and complain their lives have altered for the worse.

I know that no two experiences are identical but wonder what helps and what doesn’t iyswim 😀

@thecatsthecats when your child is older that will probably change so much. It's so hard (but amazing) and support is absolutely crucial for your sanity.

Just having one !

I have quite a chilled personality, so I never worried too much if the house was a mess or my child refused to eat any lunch or whatever. I think parenting is harder if you are a perfectionist.

My dh seeing us as equals and working as a team.

Nursery from an early age and getting back to work some of the week. It saved me.
21 years on, my single best decision.
Making sure they would take a bottle from several days old, even when bf. No way did I want a bottle refuser.
Putting lots of effort into getting them sleeping through. Down to luck partly, but they never ever came into our bed. Putting them down at night and knowing you were going to get several undisturbed hours kip in your own bed was priceless.

Having enough money, a big enough house and lots of family/support. Oh and not having a shit car.
Without those things it is so much more difficult, speaking from experience between first and second pregnancies.
Working part time was a huge help too, but again I was only able to do that first time around because we had enough money coming in to cover the loss. With my second pregnancy I retrained to be a childminder during the pregnancy and went back to work when DS was three months old because we couldn't afford to live on the maternity pay.

Being in a good marriage.
Being financially secure with a good career.
Taking 13 months ML.
Being able to work 3 days a week (some from home).
Easy baby.
Prior experience working with babies.
Making good local friends with same age babies who we saw a few times a week.
Having only one. I think it's massively underrated. Never lost myself and now dd is older lots of free time.

Having strong boundaries from when they were very young, teaching them right from wrong, no means no and investing the time developing emotional intelligence. Making sure we listen and check in with them often and that they are doing ok.

I know Mumsnet disapproves but the naughty spot from age 1 I think was really important for us and hugely successful. That and controlled crying. For us that was really hard for 3 days, but life changing. Less sleep deprived parents = better parents :-)

• Financial comfort (not rich by any means) but not having to worry about coming off mat leave early or not being able to afford childcare/house big enough
• Supportive family and true partner in DH
• Sleep training
• Good health (AKA just lucky)
• Relatively easy breastfeeding journey (more dumb luck)
• Not being an anxious person in general: and I have to say this is by far the biggest one. Just reading through people's experiences on Mumsnet and just seems anxiety and self doubt makes bad situations needlessly worse for them. Complicates decision-making when you have to factor in fragile mental health at every step of the way (e.g. dealing with hospital anxiety rather than just dealing with the medical problem at hand). Have lots of close loved ones who are anxious and it's heartbreaking to watch. Wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Big kudos to anyone who can deal with all that life brings when you have kids, all whilst constantly hounded by that mental gremlin.

With two neurodiverse children and a chronically ill husband it's my Fridays not working while they're both at school (and being able to afford this). I do paperwork for them, meet up with friends, exercise etc.

Having people at the same stage as me locally has also been a huge blessing.

Choosing the right Father; we are a genuine partnership and whilst I might do more of x and he might do more of y, neither of us feels like we are consistently ‘doing more’. Doing it alone or doing it with a shitty partner just be so damn difficult.

Treating raising our children as a partnership. My husband is 100% my partner and I have never felt motherhood was my job.

Not relying on anyone. We are raising our children and we don't rely anyone to help us, this has meant we don't have anyone interfering

Having laid back children, my children are definitely our personalities, we enjoy spending time with them and we do a lot as a family.

Don't get me wrong being a mum of three plus working full time can be exhausting but never find it over whelming

@thecatsthecats "I am enjoying my time with my baby, my husband and my cat. Occasional visitors are fine, but I'm loving our peaceful little routine, and don't need any support - not at the expense of chill time."

This is lovely. But another important thing is being flexible and open to change-both in you and the baby. In a couple of months you may find your baby suddenly becomes a massive social butterfly demanding outings and play dates and constant activity. Or you may feel as if you look at your own walls for another second you'll scream. Day at a time is the way-and don't shut any doors.

I don’t think it is easy. Most of it, any of it, but I do think if you stop trying to make it LOOK like you’re parenting well to other people and instead go with the direction your own family take, life is much easier!

Good question:

Having a child with a father who was prepared to do 50%.

Having one child who likes sleeping and has an easy temperament (dumb luck then!)

Having plenty of childcare experience before hand so I knew the basics.

And finally

Throwing away the baby books, disregarding (within reason) the so called "helpful" advice and allowing me and baby to forge our own path by doing what worked for us.

And what made it harder...

Honestly, delaying until age 40 I regret.

I'm permanently knackered and no hands-on grandparents to speak of.

Their growing up and leaving home!

#lighthearted.

After over a quarter of a century as a Mum I can honestly say it’s not easy and not expecting it to be easy was probably best. Totally disagree with PP who said living life first meant it was easier- I found starting young meant I didn’t have so much to let go of or to lose and so allowing myself to pretty much just be a mum for a decent chunk of my children’s lives was easier. I work now but was a SAHM for years and honestly I don’t know how people do it with young children and I’m sorry but it’s just not possible to meet young children’s (and by this i mean 0-3 years really I guess) needs whilst working full time.
We were sold a lie- we can’t have it all. There is always someone losing out…
Morherhood is hard. For me, being child led made it easier in the sense of I didn’t find motherhood a struggle. But I know I sacrificed a lot and others would have found that hard…

My husband becoming a stay at home dad. When he's ill I Bev I'm e exhausted very quickly!

A good DH who will do his fair share and make sure I get breaks!
Family are also helpful

Why not just keep the commentary related to your own experience rather than criticising other people’s choices and reflections? Everyone else seems to have managed.

Things I've found have really helped so far (kids are 4 and 5)

• DH is hands on
• I'm a SAHM
• going out with them a lot (if we're home all day, we drive each other round the bend)
• activities for when we are home

Mine are older now but what really helped me:
-having them young
-cosleeping
-no Internet access (parenting has become angst ridden post internet!)
-most of my friends weren't British, expectations were much lower and very laid back.

Finally won my first baybee in 2021 and the next one arrived more recently.

What's helped:
Breastfeeding and loads of bf support - the boob is the solver of all things here
Money for a cleaner
Being so grateful to get here and having decades of being an adult, been there done that behind me so no what if or wishing for the past!
Largely healthy children so far
Watching all my friends and family raise children - no surprises so far either.

The love I feel for my dd and being able to earn enough working half days

Other mums (and some other dads, but the other mums are then ones who've made the most difference).

Grandparents. They did an amazing job.

Two top notch head teachers in the local primary and secondary schools.