To feel annoyed at my mum’s expectations when moving to the Caribbean

[Ticklemeharder]

My mum currently lives about 10 minutes away from me and my two DC’s (age 1 & 3). She’s recently moved in with her partner of 18 months and is very happy and in love. Her partner has had some issues with work in the UK but used to work in the Caribbean and has applied for a number of jobs there which he feels confident securing. They have told us all this in the last week and are planning to relocate in January.

My mum is currently in a huff with me when I expressed concerns over the speed of the move and questioned whether they had thought everything through etc. When asked how long they were planning on living out there I was given a very vague answer of “oh maybe a few years but who knows!”

She just keeps on going on about the white sandy beaches and glorious sunshine and won’t it be a fabulous adventure. Reassuring me that she will still have a relationship with the grandkids due to the invention of FaceTime and we can come out to visit once they are settled over there.

There is also an expectation that I will deal with renting out of both her and her partners properties as they won’t have time before they go. Not to mention my mum’s 8 year old dog who my mum seems to think a family member will just take her because “no-one will see her in a shelter”.

All of this just seems completely out the blue and I’m struggling to be supportive. It’s almost like she’s so focussed on the fantasy that the reality has not even slightly entered in her mind. I’m not sure what to do.

Police. Now.

Oh fucking hell. Police. Absolutely and right now before he does a runner. She's probably not the first poor soul he's scammed.

I suspect she won't hear from him once she's given him her pension lump sum. He can go abroad and she'll be chased by the tax man! Did she sign a POA/life insurance/ or will maybe written in his favour? Does she have copy of the paperwork she can show you?
I think she knows shes got a wrong 'un but is too embarassed/ashamed to admit it.

This is financial abuse, I'd speak to the police immediately before he has the chance to leave the country.

@Ticklemeharder

I agree with PP. Contact the police, seek legal advice, and contact any relevant financial institutions and domestic and/or elder abuse organizations.

And please try to get her away from him!

POLICE NOW. I live in the carribean , When that money arrives here, there is no way to get it back. EVER. most of these islands do not allow banking issues to be dealt with by another country. If that money gets down here, it is GONE. She still has time to freeze it NOW. Omg I am so sorry. Protect your mother even if she does not want you to.

She's cashed in and given him her pension.

You know she's completely fucked now, right? The money is gone.

Please call the police.

What do you mean by her whole pension? Can she just withdraw it all like that?

Yes, this has taken a very worrying turn. I think you need to be careful in how you approach this. She is obviously an adult who can make her own decision and won't take kindly to you telling her what to do.

But it doesn't sound like this will end well

It takes time to cash in a pension
Hopefully she's sorting that out now, I really hope it can be stopped.

yes you can.

I doubt she'll see it, or him again.....

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/pensions/nearing-retirement/what-you-can-do-with-your-pension-pot/#:~:text=You%20can%20take%20your%20whole,as%20if%20it%20were%20income.

@notmorezoom oh no that's awful! I'm probably 35 years off getting my pension so apart from it going from my wages I don't know a whole lot about it.

OP your mam probably won't but she needs to go to the police this man sounds like a scammer. Can you try collect some info on who is he? Correct name? National insurance number? I know those things aren't exactly what you bring up in conversation

This is such a sad unfolding. I really hope the police, pension provider, bank etc. have been contacted and are being helpful. What a stressful time for you OP. I expect your mum will be in denial for some time yet. Perhaps if it transpires he's done this before (which given how he's gone about things wouldn't surprise me), it will help her to see what's actually happening. Such a horrible man.