To ask if you have sex on your period

[Toothurtyoclock]

Regular user but name changed for this.

I had a day out with a friend yesterday and we had a lot of girl chat. Somehow or another I said something along the lines of 'but I was on my period, so obviously we didn't have sex'. My friend was genuinely surprised by this and that I've never had sex on my period, ever. Not with DH, nor anyone prior. Honestly, it's not something I've even considered doing, kind of like one of the rules of life, death, taxes and can't have sex on your period. My friend says this is not her experience at all and says bar maybe the first few days when it's at it's heaviest and she feels the most uncomfortable, she and her DH have sex as much as they otherwise would.
I spoke about it with DH to ask his thoughts and he's in the same boat as me, says he's just always assumed you don't do that and the few guy friends he has that he does talk about sex with, they don't have sex with their wives or girlfriends on their period either.
I don't actually have many friends that I speak this openly about sex to so was just wondering what the wise women of Mumsnet think.

Honestly, I feel like crap the first few days of my period but after that, I feel my normal self and it annoys me that I 'can't' have sex for the next 4 or 5 days so maybe this is something I need to reconsider but it's something I've not even considered before, I just always assumed it not done and never challenged it. Now I feel a bit foolish as I can't now work out how I really feel about it. DH says he's up for giving it a go if I'm comfortable with it but I don't know if I am yet.

A yes from me, including oral.
luckily I’ve not been with any men who minded.

Depends on the month how heavy it is, the end etc, partner has never cared what time of month it is, it all depends how comfy you are

Nope.

For religious reasons I have no physical contact with DH during my period and for several days after it finishes. It's incredibly liberating.

It’s a no for me.

I’m not grossed out by it though, and if I had an intense urge then I probably would.

I’m just amazed and very envious that there are women out there who feel good enough to be shagging on their period. I’m on the pill and still need prescription painkillers for severe pain. Add in the bloating and fatigue, and general yuck feeling, and sex is not top of my agenda. I’d actually feel quite turned off if DH wanted a shag knowing I feel so ordinary.

Very heavy periods that leave me on all fours screaming with pain
I really don't want anything except heavy duty painkillers and hot water bottles on me 24/7 for 8 days a month!

My experience is that if there’s a towel to hand, men aren’t fussed what time of the month it is.

Women’s periods are different. Some might want sex during theirs and some might not. There isn’t going to be a single unanimous answer here, there’s no right or wrong.

Sometimes. I tend to feel a bit self conscious about it, mainly it's the blood scent that bothers me, so I don't usually initiate. But if DP does after the third day I usually go along with it and enjoy it. He doesn't really care at all. The first three days I tend to be a bit crampy, plus it's just so heavy it seems like a nightmare to deal with, so it's pretty much a hard no from me.

But I think it is absolutely ok for either partner to prefer not to do it then.

Im pretty sure they were referring to menstrual disks which are often advertised with the perk of you being able to have mess free sex.

Sometimes.

I’m surprised that you talk so frankly about sex with so many people but thought it was a rule of life.

Everyone just decides for themselves, as with every other sexual practice surely.

I find the people answering ‘yuck’ rather immature. Better to perhaps not let misogyny influence you quite so much. Fine to not want to, to find it uncomfortable or to have too many negative effects from your period to be interested. Not fine to tell other women their period is ‘yuck’.

Yes, I did in the past with men I was in a serious relationship with but if it was my heaviest 2 days I often wasn’t in the mood because I felt so sore and bloated so usually just at the lighter end. Lesbian now and my partner and I are happy to have sex on our periods - doesn’t bother us at all.

Wow! This is why you don't post on Mumsnet then fall asleep haha! Thanks everyone. Really appreciate so many different perspectives.
I'm genuinely surprised how common it is. It's not that's I think it's 'wrong', I honestly just don't think I ever so much as considered it before. I've been with DH for 15 years since I was 20 and I only had one boyfriend (who I shyly avoided like the plague when on my period) and a few one or two night stands that never coincided with my period to need to consider it. And DH and I haven't actually discussed it before this, I've just always let him know I was on my period and there we were.. not but cuddles for a week, no further information needed. DH and I are generally very experimental though so I'm now really surprised that we've never even though to give it a go. I think we might just try it out next time post day 4 or so and see how we find it.

Thank you!!

Also! I love the term crime scene sex!!!!

Yes, I actually lost my virginity earlier this year whilst on my period! I'd been with my partner 3 years (he'd been absolutely zero interest in sex or any sex related activity due to MH issues and his meds) so when he was finally up for it, of course i got my first period in over a year start the day before.
BUT, i have the contraceptive implant, so my "period" was barely more than spotting, with just very little ammounts coming out very occasionally with many hours in between, and 90% over after the first day. So i didn't even tell him, just went to the loo before hand and had a good wet wipe around, and all was good, didn't bleed on him at all. Thankfully my cramps weren't too bad either.

TooManyAnimals94 ...me too my whole life

It’s around 3:00 am, l’m up with stomach cramps, can’t sleep and l come across this thread; the irony.

l have not voted as l think it is personal choice, it certainly doesn’t make me squeamish though.

My sex drive goes off the scale a few days before a period starts.

When l was younger it was often business as usual, depending on the attitude of the person l was with. l’m in my 40s now, and as l’ve got older, periods have got got heavier, so these days it tends to be only at the tail end of a period.

During the first few days, l do find a lubricated vibey does help ease clotting (sorry if TMI) and is the only time l use one internally.

I found it helps with cramps.

Towels are easy to clean just put salt water on the blood before washing.

And if he's worried, use a condom.

Yes. I've always had sex on my period. Hornier then than usual then for some reason.
I've never slept with a man who expressed any hesitation about it... I've slept with 14 men in my life. Never once has it come up as an issue. Did not even occur to me.
Just make sure you don't accidentally fall asleep afterwards without remembering to clean up and put back on some type of sanitary product.... that doesn't end well lol

A friend of mine would just "put a towel down".

For me, I already find my period week uncomfortable, I don't feel sexy, I don't like being touched. And also, I just find having sex at that time plain grim. Like, what about foreplay, I certainly don't want DH going down there no no no no!!! Biggest turn off. Just plain no. DH agrees with me.

Yes seems a long time ago .

Genuine question: how is it liberating for you to not be "allowed" to have sex for nearly half of the month, even if you want to?

@FreshWinterMorning I think it’s funny that those accusing others of ‘internalised misogyny’ for not liking period sex are the same ones accusing other women of being frigid, having dead bedrooms & having smelly vaginas that need washing. Talk about irony 🤣

Well I can assure you that for me it is nothing to do with ‘yuck’ and everything to do with pain. And no, sex doesn’t help with the pain for me. When the pain is in your labia as well as your uterus, sex isn’t appealing at all. If that makes me old-fashioned, I give not a single shit. I won’t be having sex on my period and that’s it.

No. I don’t think it’s wrong and people can do what they like but it’s a bit like going to a restaurant with diarrhoea or a rock concert with a headache to me. Unpleasant.

No physical contact also would mean not using the other half as a giant hot water bottle, which I so love to do... (No criticism of religion intended.)

False.