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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you have sex on your period

324 replies

Toothurtyoclock · 10/12/2023 21:47

Regular user but name changed for this.

I had a day out with a friend yesterday and we had a lot of girl chat. Somehow or another I said something along the lines of 'but I was on my period, so obviously we didn't have sex'. My friend was genuinely surprised by this and that I've never had sex on my period, ever. Not with DH, nor anyone prior. Honestly, it's not something I've even considered doing, kind of like one of the rules of life, death, taxes and can't have sex on your period. My friend says this is not her experience at all and says bar maybe the first few days when it's at it's heaviest and she feels the most uncomfortable, she and her DH have sex as much as they otherwise would.
I spoke about it with DH to ask his thoughts and he's in the same boat as me, says he's just always assumed you don't do that and the few guy friends he has that he does talk about sex with, they don't have sex with their wives or girlfriends on their period either.
I don't actually have many friends that I speak this openly about sex to so was just wondering what the wise women of Mumsnet think.

Honestly, I feel like crap the first few days of my period but after that, I feel my normal self and it annoys me that I 'can't' have sex for the next 4 or 5 days so maybe this is something I need to reconsider but it's something I've not even considered before, I just always assumed it not done and never challenged it. Now I feel a bit foolish as I can't now work out how I really feel about it. DH says he's up for giving it a go if I'm comfortable with it but I don't know if I am yet.

OP posts:
FourteenTog · 10/12/2023 23:42

There's also a difference between the smell of the menses/bloody pad etc. and the (admittedly faint) smell of your own secretions. I definitely notice a more acidic or vinegary, thinner secretion at the onset of my period, and an almost sweetish, thicker one during ovulation. The difference is what it is, not unpleasant, just informative. I am very smell sensitive, though!

Kwasi · 10/12/2023 23:44

It's the only week of the month I don't have to fake a headache

FreshWinterMorning · 10/12/2023 23:44

Waitingfordoggo · 10/12/2023 23:34

@ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming What else is there to understand? Read the replies to this thread and the answers are all here as to why a proportion of women don’t want to have sex while on their period! (Pain/mess/not in the mood are the main reasons given). It’s great that some women can and do enjoy sex on their period. For others of us it’s really not what we want. Each to their own.

Exactly! Women are entitled to have different views to others. If some women think having sex on your period is foul and grim, they are entitled to think that. It's a fucking OPINION! 😂

Why are some posters getting so angry and huffy that other women don't fancy shagging whilst menstruating? Why does it offend you so much that others don't think like you? How odd. And as for the accusations of 'internalised misogyny' because some women don't want sex on their period. PMSL! Don't make me laugh! 😆 Some people don't half come out with some tripe!

If anything - it's the posters who are so faux outraged at other women not wanting to fuck whilst on their period who are displaying internalised misogyny! Getting angry at them having an opinion they don't like, and attempting to make them feel like shit for it....

(Your attempts are not working by the way!)

.

FourteenTog · 10/12/2023 23:46

You might not think it was an 'opinion' if you were actively treated as unclean, made to declare your menstrual status, and singled out in mixed company, preventing from preparing food, or taking part in ceremonies! Which has been my experience in various cultures in the UK and abroad. I'm not accusing anyone of internalised misogyny, I'm sorry that hatred of the leaky body is still a thing.

theduchessofspork · 10/12/2023 23:48

gamerchick · 10/12/2023 21:55

Some people don't like crime scene sex and that's ok.

I am adopting this phrase immediately

I do yes. Cap on first day or two ane then just a shower first is fine. I would not want to go without sex for 4-5 days, and neither would DP (esp as we both travel a bit for work, so it could easily be longer).

gano · 10/12/2023 23:51

Not currently in a relationship, but I have done in the past, with several partners. Some didn't fancy it and that was ok. I don't see an issue with it, as long as both parties are keen.

theduchessofspork · 10/12/2023 23:53

… also it does help with period pain, I find.

Pushmepullyou · 10/12/2023 23:55

Some women not liking sex on their period - fine. Declaring it to be ‘foul’ and ‘disgusting’ - bit offensive and judgy.

i’m in my mid 40s and have endo - bled 19 days out of 28 for about 25 years (until I finally got a mirena). If I hadn’t had sex on my period I would pretty much never have had sex.

Shower immediately before, usually had a quick clean round internally with fingers and water too. Tampon in (string tucked inside) until we were ready for the penetrative bit, then a towel on the bed. It was a bit more effort, but not usually particularly messy and certainly didn’t smell

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 10/12/2023 23:56

@FreshWinterMorning - oh, someone got out of bed on the wrong side this morning!

Maybe take a chill pill 😂

theduchessofspork · 10/12/2023 23:56

FreshWinterMorning · 10/12/2023 22:25

Urgh no! Confused Sex is messy enough as it is, without adding period waste to the party. How foul. 🤮 As pps have said, it's smelly too!

Why, just WHY would anyone do this? Shock

Bless..

justanothermanicmonday1 · 10/12/2023 23:56

Nope I don't.

However go for it! 🤣

honeyfox · 10/12/2023 23:57

I have done in the past, don't see any issue with it if everyone is happy to proceed!

GrumpyOldCrone · 10/12/2023 23:58

I’m now in menopause, but yes: I always had sex during my period. It did get a bit ‘crime scene’ when I was in perimenopause but that didn’t bother me, or my partner. None of my previous partners had a problem with it either. I don’t think I could have been in a relationship with a man who was bothered by it.

theduchessofspork · 10/12/2023 23:58

Momof2soonmomto3 · 10/12/2023 22:34

Mine only last 3 days and i only tend to have 1 heavy day and my periods are every month and half so dont mind waiting 4/5 days without as i like to make sure im finished finished first as im very paticular about being smelly down there i could never 🤭

You just.. take a shower first..

bonzaitree · 11/12/2023 00:02

I think if you don’t want to then don’t. No rules it’s just whatever you’re comfortable with.

I think the majority of couples would avoid sex the first few days of period and then put a towel down when you just have spotting or a trace towards the end.

Peckahminn11 · 11/12/2023 00:02

God no. The thought makes me feel utterly sick

Museum10664 · 11/12/2023 00:04

i know my ex used to wait when it was that time of the month, the one time we did was with precautions.

SouthEastCoast · 11/12/2023 00:06

I’ve always had sex when on my period, my whole life, never understood why people wouldn’t.

KenAdams · 11/12/2023 00:11

I have severe endo and spend about 3 days sitting in the bath because there's so much blood. I'm also in excruciating pain so no, absolutely not.

CharlotteBog · 11/12/2023 00:13

Yes, I've had sex on my period, but only when I'm sure I can do a good clean up afterwards i.e. in my own home not away on holiday.
Towels and a shower straight after. It really helps with cramps and the extra lubrication makes things good.
I'm pleased that I've only been with men who are OK with it all, and reassure me it doesn't bother them.

icebearforpresident · 11/12/2023 00:16

heartofglass23 · 10/12/2023 22:36

Ouch!

Please no one attempt this!

Show quote history

As a menstrual cup user who once forgot it was in while husband and I attempted to have sex, I second this.

Mamanyt · 11/12/2023 00:21

Sex should be about sharing, and enjoying yourselves. My rule of thumb is, if it is comfortable both physically and mentally, why not? If it is not, for Gods' sake, WHY?

IF you get comfortable with the idea, try it once. You don't have to commit to a lifetime of sex on your period. Unless, of course, you find it enjoyable. If you do NOT get comfortable, by all means, continue as you are!

I have had exactly one partner in my life who had a genius for helping me feel comfortable with new experiences, without any pressure at all, and yes, that was on the list. When I moved, and we ended, I decided that I would never settle for less again. Which is why I've been as chaste as a nun since then, and quite happy to be so.

Jumpingthruhoops · 11/12/2023 00:26

Keilagh · 10/12/2023 21:55

Nah. Last thing I’d want to do on my period.

Wouldn’t it stink and that aswell? 🤢

Edited

Er... no. Not if you've just showered/ bathed!

It's not for me, personally, but it has happened accidentally on a few occasions, and it hasn't phased my husband in the slightest.

Ultimately, though, what you do with your partner is no one's business but yours. If you want to, go for it!

porridgeisbae · 11/12/2023 00:34

I didn't have a problem with it when I was younger, I had no idea of the stigma around it.

Then as I got older I happened to run into more men who were uptight about it.

I didn't even use to put a towel down and it didn't seem to get that messy.

Caswallonthefox · 11/12/2023 00:35

Once and once only, when I was 15. Made ME feel all kinds of yuck. I have accidentally bled during sex and the other half hasn't been bothered but I still didn't like it.
It's not as if nobody can wash afterwards, so I would say it's a personal choice.

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