To let DS stay off school on his birthday?

[Niffler29]

DS has asked if he can have the day off school on his birthday. He’s 12 and in his first year of high school so no exams coming up or anything. No issues at school/life in general, he’s a good kid. My initial response is no but if I’m being honest, I’ve never worked on my birthday in my life and the company I work for these days gives a an automatic holiday on your birthday so I can kind of see his point.

AIBU to consider it? I think I am but would like other people to confirm so I feel less bad🤣.

You go to school. That's that and have nice birthday things when you get home. I've always gone to school/work on my birthday. Not so self-entitled as to think I'm that special.

No. He should be up a chimney cleaning it and then give him gruel after.

Seriously, let him have the day off if he has good attendance. It won't make a difference in the scheme of things. People on MN are so uptight and miserable about such things.

A ‘lovely memory’ of not getting dressed, staying in the house stuffing junk snacks and staring at a screen?
I’ve never heard of taking a day off for a birthday being a thing. His teachers can’t take a day off.

No!

Birthdays can be celebrated wherever you are: school, work, hospital.
Let him have fun with his friends at school on his birthday - give him a big bag of sweets to share with his mates and give him a special packed lunch

Not if you are being bullied and hate school. Not everyone has a good school experience with lots of friends.

Let him have the day off! Ignore all the horrified pearl clutchers/fun police on here.

One day out of the year wont kill him, it’s Xmas anyway so they won’t be doing much this week.

He’ll still be able to hold down a job when he is older I’m sure, unless of course you let him do it every year and he’ll obviously end up destitute or in prison.

Because they don't work they attend school.which have Set holidays and only some Adults can book a days holiday ,if they have Jobs that allow them to do that ,I Don thunk teachers can just books days holiday because it's their birthday .

Only if he gets a job that allows him to book.annual.leave ,schools have set holidays ,many work places don't .its swings and roundabouts when i was nurse I mainly booked my birthday off every year ,but had to work weekends ,nights ,Xmas etc .

I wouldn't let him. I don't like it in that I've always booked the day off for my birthday and so has DH and we're lucky enough to be in industries where it's easy. Now DD is in school leave is more precious so we're less likely to do that.

I was lucky as a kid and only had to go to school once or twice on my birthday as it usually fell in half term, which also means it's likely to be in DD's half term now. DH's and DD's are nowhere near a school holiday unfortunately.

I won't be letting her skip school on her birthday, much as part of me is quite tempted! We just made a big fuss of her on her "birthday party day" the weekend nearest her birthday and then had treats after school on the actual day.

I think it is worth thinking ahead to the next few years where you are dealing with a teenager who can make his own choices about whether to turn up or truant. For me it’s about the values you want to teach. Is it “we don’t skive. School matters”. Or is it “it’s ok to skip school to have fun when you have a good excuse like a birthday”.

I don’t think either is deeply wrong, but I for sure know which one I want my kids subscribed to!

I’ve let my kids have their birthdays off school when they’ve asked, only a couple of times each. They’re good kids and very engaged with their education so it hasn’t caused any issues. One of my children hated all the attention at primary school and sometimes it was too much for her. She hadn’t asked since being at secondary as there’s no fuss.

*hasn’t

Because children are not adults? This 'if an adult can do it, why can't children?' thing is complete nonsense because they are necessarily different

Children are taught things in large groups, most adult jobs do not function in that way.

Really? “On a whim?”

One thing I hate about going to the beach is getting all the stuff ready - costumes, towels, shoes, picnic etc.

But you were able to set out as if you were going to school for the day and just drive straight past and go to the beach instead?

What excuse would you give to the school. Will you lie & say he's sick because I don't think they would be impressed if you tell the truth.

I never heard about this before joining MN. I’m very relaxed about attendance - if DD doesn’t feel well with cold or periods she stays home but I consider it’s reasonable. I wouldn’t hesitate to take her off school one or two days for holidays if it’s easier logistics wise, I did it once. But why should she stay home on her birthday? DH and I usually meet her up at school and go somewhere for a special treat/ dinner. A few times she had party with friends straight away after. Why stay at home for this particular day ?
I would consider this request as a sign that something wrong. What does exactly your DS want to do what he can’t do after school or on a weekend? Or what does he want to avoid at school? If he feels generally tired by now then you need to look at his routine but not let him stay for his birthday, one day won’t help.

Aaah the flaky adults of the future.

A bit like an intern we had a few years ago who didn't turn up to work because it had snowed (a small amount that had not affected the local roads which had all been well gritted) and she didn't think she had to work because it was a 'snow day'. The poor thing got a nasty shock about the real world that day 🤣

@MarmitePizza "But you were able to set out as if you were going to school for the day and just drive straight past and go to the beach instead?"

Yep. We live 10 miles from the beach. We always have basic beach stuff in the car. And we are also in the fortunate position of being able to afford spontaneous fish and chips, so no picnic needed. As a point of detail we didn't, on that occasion, have towels in the car so I bought two hideous knock off Disney ones from the beach shop.

This is really weird - first time I've come across something on Mumsnet where I just cant fathom the other point of view. I'm in the 'you go to school' crowd. You wear a birthday badge, you have friends round for birthday tea and you do bigger celebration at the weekend.

Its not pearl clutching about importance of schooling (I have one on a reduced timetable), its different views in what makes a birthday special. What are you on about - you have to have the day off school loons? I did used to have a friend who insisted on being 'king for the day' on his birthday and having every whim met - so that I guess.

YABU. DC1 has always been in school on her birthday (September). DC2’s birthday is in April so very often falls in the Easter holidays. He’s just lucky to not have to go to school on his birthday!

I have never had a day off work for my birthday. I used to work in schools where staff obviously cannot book annual leave for a jolly. I’m in a different job now where I could potentially have the day off for my birthday but it has never occurred to me to do so. All my friends and DH would be at work anyway so it would seem pointless and I prefer to use AL for holidays and weekends away.

Well, I have high achieving adult children and one day when they were about 10 and 6 on a whim I drove straight past school and we went to the beach. They still remember it.

I bet they do. How lovely. Even better than a snow day when school was shut. 😊

I did used to have a friend who insisted on being 'king for the day' on his birthday and having every whim met - so that I guess.

For my kids, they just wanted a quiet day. For my daughter, birthdays at primary were horrible as she got older. Made to wear a huge badge and banner, sang happy birthday to, called up to the front in assembly. It was her worst nightmare and despite us asking school not to do it, they still did, so she had the day off in year 5 and 6. She hasn’t asked at secondary because they don’t do any of that. Her friends buy gifts and it’s all done very discreetly which is better for her. If it became a problem, I’d let her be off without a second thought.

It’s totally up to you, of course. Ultimately it’s unlikely to do any harm and I don’t think it’s that big a deal to let him have a day off at this age.

However, I don’t think the fact that you don’t go to work on your birthday is actually a valid argument. Most companies absolutely do not give you a day off automatically on your birthday; that’s very unusual. I rarely work on my birthday but that’s because I take it out of my 30 days of leave allowance. It’s not like your DS will be taking this out of his gazillion days of school holidays 🤣

FWIW I remember going to school on my birthday at secondary school and it was always quite a laugh tbh. One of the few times I actually didn’t mind going in! But maybe girls are a bit better than boys at making a fuss of their mates’ birthdays at that age.

Gosh people really get their kickers in a twist about very minor things. From the reaction here you’d think the entire schooling system was going to fall over because some people let their kids take their birthdays off, rather than it just being a fairly unimportant difference in parenting approaches.

No I don't do this and I have nothing against spontaneous days off every now and then. I just don't want my children growing up to think the world should stop because it's their birthday, they'll end up disappointed later in life when they have to come to accept that it's just a normal day for everyone except for them.