Buying a house with bf AIBU?

[confusedgf2]

Wondering if this is fair? I feel it's not but can't articulate why. Maybe I am grabby and unreasonable?

Bf and I both have own houses, would like to sell both and buy something bigger together. We have a little baby together in case relevant.

He would be putting 70% of the deposit down on the new house and I'd be putting 30%. I have less equity as my house I will be selling is worth less than his.

We will ring fence deposits.

He says if we ever sell or split up we will both get deposits back, but he will also get 70% of new equity and me 30% if house increases in value.

He earns more than me atm. Bills to be split 50/50.

He says I'm being grabby to want equity split 50/50 and it's clear what I am after (money).

This is what I was going to suggest (we do these deeds at work) - splitting the mortgage 70-30 would make his desired equity split fair.

If you pay 50% of the monthly mortgage, you get 50% of the equity in the event of a split. Plus your 30% ring-fenced deposit. That's the bottom line here and keep your career on track too. Do not go PT.

As a PP outlines, you might consider being tenants in common.

How is your BF calculating appropriate housing provision for your child? Does that not come into it at all when considering the future and deciding on responsibilities, non-monetary contributions, work on the house etc.?

Don't go into any big expenditure with someone unless you have legal protection/legal safeguards. In this case, the legal protection you need is marriage.

You've already had a baby with him which is arguably as big a financial commitment (long term) as buying property.

In my opinion you should insist on getting married before you commit yourself financially any further. Doesn't have to be a big wedding, just sign the forms

The exact same. It's simple maths. He's being completely unfair.

It may be worth trialling living together via a rental. Either one of you rents out your home for 12m and moves into the other ones house paying half the bills and a nominal amount of rent, or you both rent out your homes and trial a 12m rental together splitting everything in half (and keep your respective rental incomes for maintenance on your respective houses).

It sounds massively risky to sell up your baby's security for him when this is his attitude.

The relationship doesn't sound great. I'd be wary of giving up my home to move in with him and then for the relationship to break down.

If you are going to do it and he insists on 70:30, then the mortgage has to match this. He can't have it both ways.

I'm not particularly financially-minded, but what about this as a proposal (people's thoughts?)

If after one year, the value somehow increased by 100k, then the OP getting 50% of that IS a little unfair as she hasn't put in much into the deposit... What about a tiered progression to balance? Every year OP's share goes up by 4%... so after 5 years they are at 50:50.

I do appreciate the answers when I asked the question if the situation were reversed. Taking it to the extreme, let's say OP put in 800k and he put in 100k on a 1M house. They split the remaining 100k mortgage over 5 years. Say that house went up 200k in a year, would it be fair for him to get 100k back while he's only paid in 10k?

Do not buy a house with this man.

If the equity is going to be split 70/30 then so should the mortgage repayments and any money put towards household renovations etc. He can’t expect you to pay half if you will only ever get 30% back.

If you are paying 50% of the mortgage, house maintenance, house insurance etc, and only want your 30% deposit back, plus 30% of any profit if you sell, you are doing yourself down.
Effectively you are enabling him to use you to build his wealth at your expense.
See a solicitor or better still, do not buy a house with him.
Stay where you are. Stay completely financially independent. Think again.
His attitude speaks volumes.

I'd say if he wants that go for 30/70 split of the mortgage but make sure you've 50:50 on everything else. No point you overcompensating on house hold bills to make up the shortfall in smaller mortgage repayments if he's reaping the benefit of equity from that. I think you're better off discussing all the financials now before you buy together- go in with your eyes open.

It is complicated to know what is fair in these situations - 50/50 is not always actually fair.

Here's how I think I'd be arguing it:

Say, house cost £200k and you put in £70k and £30k each (50% deposit).
Say, you sell in 5 years time and you've been paying in jointly to the mortgage 50/50. The house is worth now £250k. The value of your deposit of £100k has grown to £125k (25% increase) through increase in house value. For the deposit, he should get £87.5k back and you should get £37.5K back. The the balance of the £125k from the mortgage element should get split 50/50, as you have been paying off the mortgage equally. If you pay unevenly, split that element unevenly too.

You're not being grabby. The deposits are sorted out and that sounds reasonable. However if he wants 70% equity, he needs to pay 70% of the mortgage otherwise he is effectively stealing your money. Probably best just to keep your own house as he wants to profit from your investment whilst you get nothing.

He is showing his true colours already. I would think seriously carefully about your relationship with him and buying a house together.

What would be the benefits of selling your home and moving in with him for you and the DC? He gets to pay 50% of the mortgage but claim 70% of the property, you will probably be doing most of the childcare and domestic stuff. It seems like a lot of hassle for no gain. You will be giving up financial security to benefit him, I would be considering if it was worth the upheaval.

Bills eg gas and electric fine
Mortgage absolutely not. He should be paying 70% and you 30% if that's how you are going to split the house.

I understand you both need to protect yourself in case it goes wrong and you aren't married so there's no legal commitment to each other but you have a CHILD.

The fairest way to do it is to calculate your 70/30 deposit split as percentage of the house value, e.g. if the deposit is 50% then he gets 35% and you get 15% of the total value on sale as your deposits back, regardless of whether the value of the house goes up or down. Then the remaining equity is split evenly, as this would be based on contributions to the mortgage.

I’ll bet that if you move in with him, you’ll find yourself doing all the childcare and housework too.

Deposits should be ring fenced as % of the house value and then any equity split 50/50

So 100k house.
20k deposit him
10k you.

Whatever it sold for in future you take your 10% , he takes his 20% remaining 70% split 50/50

Ring fencing just by the monetary figure of the deposit would be you profiting off him, although not nearly as much as his bat shit idea that your could pay 50% off a mortgage to the completion of the term and end up with 30% equity of the house

Say the deposit is 10pc, 7pc from him and 3pc from you.

If you both pay 50pc of the mortgage, then on a sale he should get 7pc of the sale price, you would get 3pc of the sale price and then any other equity split 50/50.

He shouldn't get 70pc of everything.

He is an utter, utter cunt. Don’t buy with him, dump him.

You both work full time but you do most of the running around, in other words, you do the 'woman work'.

He just wants someone to have his baby, a handmaiden. If you move in together his life will barely change, yours will though. You will have two children to look after.

What happens when your baby is sick? Will he take time off work? How are you dividing the chores up? I can guarantee you he will think that because he earns more and is an important man, that your career will be secondary to his. I can guarantee you that if you do the fair thing and 'only' pay 30% of the mortgage, he will consider his financial contribution to be more important and you will be a secondary character in his play, a handmaiden to a commander.

Please discover birth control and do not have any more children with him.

No, not in exchange for only 30% of equity, you will lose out.

I'm happy in my house, it's him that wants to move to bigger and says it's best for our child to give them a better life.

I do feel wary of giving up my personal financial security (which I'm totally in control of right now), for something which isn't totally fair (how I've been feeling anyway).

I do work full time, but I earn 30k and he earns 80k at the moment. I had a career change a few years ago so I'm studying as well and aim to get to earning higher asap.

I do most of the childcare and general stuff. His job requires a lot of hours.