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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH at woman's house after Xmas night out

384 replies

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 02:24

My DH was on his Xmas night out tonight. Started quite early and he said he'd be home about 11pm - did and does not matter to met at all that he decided to extend it to a big night.

I text at 1.50am to check all was okay, and he asked me to call him asap.

As I understand it, one of the women got so incredibly drunk that she was very ill and unsafe. Spewing and falling over as she made her way into a taxi. My DH has gone home with her to check she was okay

She's now passed out on her floor, having been sick everywhere. He says he's covered in her sick. He doesn't want to leave her because she lives alone and he's not sure that she's safe.

He thinks he should stay until morning,or until she wakes up at least.

What would your DH do in that situation?

OP posts:
Direstraightsagain · 10/12/2023 08:15

Surely he left! She’s home. He needs to get out of there . Why didn’t one of her female work friends take her home. Don’t know of her? Why was it hm?

KvotheTheBloodless · 10/12/2023 08:16

Sharpness19 · 10/12/2023 08:08

Ambulances are not for shit like this!

Show quote history

Yes they are - she could easily choke on her own vomit, and if she's been spiked that's the least of her problems.

And spiking can easily make you vomit - I'm teetotal and have been spiked, I threw up everywhere.

Natsku · 10/12/2023 08:16

I'm glad he didn't just abandon her. Though in that situation I would put her in the recovery position and then call an ambulance as it sounds like she was dangerously drunk.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 10/12/2023 08:17

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 10/12/2023 02:29

I think he'd be incredibly stupid and naive to stay with her alone overnight. Does he have anyone else's number he can call to stay over as well?

Why would he be incredibly stupid and naive to stay with her alone? Do you think he should be calling for medical help or assistance?

Natsku · 10/12/2023 08:17

(I did a first aid course on Friday, this was one of the things covered - what to do if you come across a drunk passed out and they can't be roused)

Walkaround · 10/12/2023 08:17

Sharpness19 · 10/12/2023 08:08

Ambulances are not for shit like this!

Show quote history

Wrong. If they had phoned 111 and explained she had vomited multiple times after drinking and was now unresponsive, 111 would most likely have called an ambulance, told the callers to stay with her, put her in the recovery position, cover her with a blanket to keep her warm and watch out for irregular breathing and clammy skin. They would also have advised that if her status improved and they felt an ambulance was no longer needed and had not yet arrived, they could call 999 to cancel it. People are not always OK when in this state - NHS advice is that people with alcohol poisoning should go to hospital.

mangochops · 10/12/2023 08:18

Imagine how she is feeling this morning- vomiting over colleagues and in someone's new car. I'd be absolutely mortified.

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 10/12/2023 08:19

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 02:41

Wood it not be awful to leave her passed out on the hall floor, in her own sick though?

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If course it would be awful to leave her passed out and covered in vomit - especially for a work colleague

4andnotcounting · 10/12/2023 08:21

Wisdomisnotwise · 10/12/2023 07:40

It's the world we live in sadly. Here is a man trying to help a vulnerable woman and keep her safe and yet the reality is that if this woman said anything at all against him, his entire life could be destroyed. She was so paralytically drunk, all it takes is a hallucination, her feeling his hands on her body and misunderstanding and the drunken state amplifying it in her mind, convincing her that she's been assaulted and that's all without there being any malicious act on her part which some women are inclined to do. It is simply not worth the risk for any man to put himself in this position. Stay with her in public to see that she is safe and call an ambulance or Police to help her get to a place of safety but never put yourself in such an incredibly vulnerable position as this.

💯 this

porridgeisbae · 10/12/2023 08:22

Most people who think they've been spiked have just drunk too much. Not everyone can handle the same amount of drink.

@YouBelongWithMe Glad you went round there and all is sorted now. x

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 10/12/2023 08:23

Goodiewhemper · 10/12/2023 05:31

Poor girl and what an awful end to the night out for both her and your DH. Your DH is an absolute star and a thoroughly decent bloke. Fair play to him and to you going over to check she is ok.

Spot on

Gizlotsmum · 10/12/2023 08:25

Removed as late to the party

Kdtym10 · 10/12/2023 08:27

I would hope my DH would stay.

Backtoblack1 · 10/12/2023 08:30

You did the right thing and your husband is obviously a decent bloke. Poor woman this morning - she will wake up in a world of pain 🙈

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 10/12/2023 08:31

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 10/12/2023 08:17

Why would he be incredibly stupid and naive to stay with her alone? Do you think he should be calling for medical help or assistance?

Show quote history

How do I edit a post? Wrote this without having read TFT - now see that some posters think his work colleague would be accusing him of rape etc (clearly I'm the naive one as I thought the issue was him not being able to put her in the recovery position etc)

diddl · 10/12/2023 08:36

I'd be annoyed if I was the DH being left to it by the other couple too!

Perhaps they wanted to get home & clean the sick from their car?

This is the problem with drinking to this extent-how many people should be inconvenienced by it?

Her drinking the same as everyone else doesn't necessarily mean anything.

I have a low tolerance & can't match others drink for drink.

Blogswife · 10/12/2023 08:41

Such a kind thing to do Op. I’d like to think my DH would have done the same.

gannett · 10/12/2023 08:41

Really kind behaviour from OP and her husband.

I'd have also left a note by her bed to reassure her and I would be checking on her this morning to see if she's OK. I also think there's a real possibility her drink was spiked.

Gherkingreen · 10/12/2023 08:44

@YouBelongWithMe your DH did the right thing, it's what mine would've done. He once drove some very pissed colleagues home, way out of his way, after a Christmas night out to make sure they got back safely. I hope his colleague's okay, am sure she'll be hideously embarrassed & apologetic.

Debtfreegoals · 10/12/2023 08:46

It sounds like she had alcohol poisoning to be vomiting that much. So glad you went over to check though

Igmum · 10/12/2023 08:53

He did the right thing. Well done to both of you. Hope she's ok today.

Imelda03 · 10/12/2023 08:54

One absolute Kay aspect here ……you text him

he did not at any point in this imagined dire emergency text you

you text him

despite her being asleep according to him he didn’t think to text you

you had to text him

tell the ‘hero’ to get his arse home to explain the above massive red flag or to consider the size of the suit case he’ll need!

CoffeeLover90 · 10/12/2023 08:55

Your husband is the man I want my son to grow to be. There's a couple of married men on my team (we're all close) I'd imagine would do this for me, with their wives support. Man, woman, coupled or single, we're all humans and should take care of each other.

pictoosh · 10/12/2023 08:56

Imelda03 · 10/12/2023 08:54

One absolute Kay aspect here ……you text him

he did not at any point in this imagined dire emergency text you

you text him

despite her being asleep according to him he didn’t think to text you

you had to text him

tell the ‘hero’ to get his arse home to explain the above massive red flag or to consider the size of the suit case he’ll need!

You absolute shit-stirrer.

Ramalangadingdong · 10/12/2023 08:57

MyrtlethePurpleTurtle · 10/12/2023 08:17

Why would he be incredibly stupid and naive to stay with her alone? Do you think he should be calling for medical help or assistance?

Show quote history

He couldn't stay with her alone because in this day and age if she woke up with no memory of the night before and him in the house she could accuse him of assault/rape.

Posters gave op great advice and she acted on it. Very sensible imo.