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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH at woman's house after Xmas night out

384 replies

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 02:24

My DH was on his Xmas night out tonight. Started quite early and he said he'd be home about 11pm - did and does not matter to met at all that he decided to extend it to a big night.

I text at 1.50am to check all was okay, and he asked me to call him asap.

As I understand it, one of the women got so incredibly drunk that she was very ill and unsafe. Spewing and falling over as she made her way into a taxi. My DH has gone home with her to check she was okay

She's now passed out on her floor, having been sick everywhere. He says he's covered in her sick. He doesn't want to leave her because she lives alone and he's not sure that she's safe.

He thinks he should stay until morning,or until she wakes up at least.

What would your DH do in that situation?

OP posts:
Scottishskifun · 10/12/2023 07:29

Wow can't believe the number of posters saying to just abandon!
My DH would get a towel put it on the sofa put her into the recovery position on the sofa with a bucket next to her clean up the vomit and wait to make sure she was safe e.g could say someone to call or was OK before leaving.

DustyLee123 · 10/12/2023 07:32

I’d call an ambulance, she’s not his responsibility, and he could be accused of all sorts.

Mongrelsrbeautiful · 10/12/2023 07:35

It was very off, for the couple who gave the lift, to leave them both in this vulnerable position. That said, you both sound great. 🌟

Loulooop · 10/12/2023 07:36

After reading your updates I agree that it sounds like she was spiked! This happened to a friend of mine and her reaction was similar. My friend hasn’t even finished one drink before she was unable to walk, vomiting, etc.

She was ill for days.

Terrifying. Check on her on her first thing!

Alasar · 10/12/2023 07:38

What couple? They got a taxi

Loulooop · 10/12/2023 07:40

To those saying that having your drink spiked doesn’t make you throw up, it’s in the list of symptoms on the Met Police page!
https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/spiking-advice/spiking/how-spiking-can-make-you-feel/#Body

Wisdomisnotwise · 10/12/2023 07:40

It's the world we live in sadly. Here is a man trying to help a vulnerable woman and keep her safe and yet the reality is that if this woman said anything at all against him, his entire life could be destroyed. She was so paralytically drunk, all it takes is a hallucination, her feeling his hands on her body and misunderstanding and the drunken state amplifying it in her mind, convincing her that she's been assaulted and that's all without there being any malicious act on her part which some women are inclined to do. It is simply not worth the risk for any man to put himself in this position. Stay with her in public to see that she is safe and call an ambulance or Police to help her get to a place of safety but never put yourself in such an incredibly vulnerable position as this.

90yomakeuproom · 10/12/2023 07:41

Alasar · 10/12/2023 07:38

What couple? They got a taxi

OP said she was sick in a couples brand new car so not a taxi

Tombero · 10/12/2023 07:41

You and your husband have both been very kind. This is actually a really nice thread (apart from all the sick). I feel for her this morning though.

sickofallthis · 10/12/2023 07:42

Oh god! I'd have also told DH to call an ambulance for her if she wasn't waking rather than try to deal with they by himself. I certainly wouldn't want to deal with someone in such a state by myself that's for sure. But sounds like it's all sorted now.

Bumblebeesince19 · 10/12/2023 07:46

Props to you and your husband! Please check on her and make sure she is okay today (let us all know!)
How fortunate she is that it was your husband who took her home. Everything could have been so much worse. May the karma hit you guys hard :) have a wonderful day!

boscabosco · 10/12/2023 07:47

fuck that, you are a mug

Walkaround · 10/12/2023 07:48

DustyLee123 · 10/12/2023 07:32

I’d call an ambulance, she’s not his responsibility, and he could be accused of all sorts.

Call an ambulance and wait for it to arrive, maybe… which it probably would not have done for a great many hours. If she had died and he’d just left her lying in her own vomit, I really do not think that would have done any good either to his ability to live with his conscience or for his reputation. I think it’s shocking anyone would think it OK to leave someone alone in their home in that state. She could have choked to death on her own vomit or slipped into a coma. Alcohol poisoning can and does kill or can cause brain damage. If she was spiked - heaven only knows what it could have done to her. Getting another person to help and be with her at the same time was the right thing to do.

willWillSmithsmith · 10/12/2023 07:48

90yomakeuproom · 10/12/2023 07:41

OP said she was sick in a couples brand new car so not a taxi

Show quote history

I’m pretty sure OP also said they got a taxi back🤔

Behindyouiam · 10/12/2023 07:48

boscabosco · 10/12/2023 07:47

fuck that, you are a mug

What would your suggestion have been?

DuckyShincracker · 10/12/2023 07:52

Feeling sorry for her this morning I have to say. My DP would have helped her and phoned me as he's not good with sick.

GreatGateauxsby · 10/12/2023 07:55

Mangotango39 · 10/12/2023 02:27

Oh this is a tough one - not actually sure what I'd advise - perhaps try someone in her phone?
he shouldn't have to babysit but then if something did happen..... :/

Yeah.

I'd be vaguely annoyed he managed to be the last man standing around this walking liability especially if she has form.

But also happy/feel happy in my choice of husband that he is a good man and responsible and kind enough to not leave her in this situation...

AuntMarch · 10/12/2023 07:58

willWillSmithsmith · 10/12/2023 07:48

I’m pretty sure OP also said they got a taxi back🤔

Show quote history

As I understand it, one of the women got so incredibly drunk that she was very ill and unsafe. Spewing and falling over as she made her way into a taxi. My DH has gone home with her to check she was okay

Yeah, she did. But OP may have assumed it was a taxi and then found out later that it wasn't.

I'd be annoyed if I was the DH being left to it by the other couple too!
There's a real risk that she was (or might assume that she was) spiked. That's a dangerous position for him to be in, as it'll be his face she vaguely recollects when she tries to remember what happened. Hopefully OP is right, and the woman wouldn't ever think it of him.

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 10/12/2023 07:59

WandaWonder · 10/12/2023 02:57

He should do what he feels is right, he doesn't need another grown up to decide for him

He's discussing it with his wife. Perfectly normal.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 10/12/2023 08:01

I trust my DH totally, but its whether I trust her not to accuse him of things that would make me uncomfortable it's a vulnerable position for them both, she panic and say something to save face.

If you know them both, that's what informs the decision.

Sharedcupboard · 10/12/2023 08:02

Well done to both of you. My husband would have done the same and so would I.

Those who are saying you don’t vomit when spiked, I can confirm that you can as that was me. Several years ago now but I was very sick.

Hope you’ve both gotten some sleep OP. Will you check on her today?

baileybrosbuildingandloan · 10/12/2023 08:04

Starrystarryshite · 10/12/2023 06:02

Threads like this with some replies really make me think people are so naive about drugs and drink. She wasn’t spiked. That’s not how you act when you’ve been spiked or how drugs react in your body.

Anyway, I think you did a good thing OP by going to help. It sounds like it was definitely needed. I hope you and your DH get some well deserved rest in the morning

I think they meant the old fashioned version of spiked , ie someone's put a shot or two of vodka in her drink because they think it's 'funny'.

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 10/12/2023 08:04

WandaWonder · 10/12/2023 02:57

He should do what he feels is right, he doesn't need another grown up to decide for him

He was unsure, he reached out to his partner for help making a decision for another person's wellbeing. That's what partners are for (or at least should be).

Sharpness19 · 10/12/2023 08:08

PeopleAreWeird · 10/12/2023 03:18

Ring an Ambulance

He cant be expected to stay with her ‘just in case’

She a grown adult who chose to drink until she was so drunk she was out of control

Ambulances are not for shit like this!

NOTANUM · 10/12/2023 08:09

This man is one of the good man - and there are many - and the OP is a supportive and kind wife, again like the majority of us.

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