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Original poster

DH at woman's house after Xmas night out

384 replies

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 02:24

My DH was on his Xmas night out tonight. Started quite early and he said he'd be home about 11pm - did and does not matter to met at all that he decided to extend it to a big night.

I text at 1.50am to check all was okay, and he asked me to call him asap.

As I understand it, one of the women got so incredibly drunk that she was very ill and unsafe. Spewing and falling over as she made her way into a taxi. My DH has gone home with her to check she was okay

She's now passed out on her floor, having been sick everywhere. He says he's covered in her sick. He doesn't want to leave her because she lives alone and he's not sure that she's safe.

He thinks he should stay until morning,or until she wakes up at least.

What would your DH do in that situation?

OP posts:
Cosywintertime · 10/12/2023 08:57

I’d respect him for supporting her, I’d hate to be married to someone who would leave someone in a vulnerable position and I’d want him to stay with her, and if close enough, and I was able, I’d go round and help him.

im surprised anyone would be so jealous, insecure or paranoid, they’d ask him to dump her and do a runner.

Cosywintertime · 10/12/2023 08:58

Ramalangadingdong · 10/12/2023 08:57

He couldn't stay with her alone because in this day and age if she woke up with no memory of the night before and him in the house she could accuse him of assault/rape.

Posters gave op great advice and she acted on it. Very sensible imo.

Show quote history

He knew her and the risk of that is offset by the risk of her choking on her own vomig, this is a colleague and someone he knows. But hey , roll out the selfish paranoia.

travelallthetime · 10/12/2023 08:59

Imelda03 · 10/12/2023 08:54

One absolute Kay aspect here ……you text him

he did not at any point in this imagined dire emergency text you

you text him

despite her being asleep according to him he didn’t think to text you

you had to text him

tell the ‘hero’ to get his arse home to explain the above massive red flag or to consider the size of the suit case he’ll need!

You complete moron. It was 2am and probably didnt want to get his wife involved. She text him so he knew she was awake and he called her. Stop shit stirring and grow up

CagneyAndLazy · 10/12/2023 08:59

Imelda03 · 10/12/2023 08:54

One absolute Kay aspect here ……you text him

he did not at any point in this imagined dire emergency text you

you text him

despite her being asleep according to him he didn’t think to text you

you had to text him

tell the ‘hero’ to get his arse home to explain the above massive red flag or to consider the size of the suit case he’ll need!

Wow. Incredible.

You read this thread and those are your overriding thoughts?

If the OP was as deranged as you, the poor bloke would gladly pack his case.

Ramalangadingdong · 10/12/2023 09:00

Imelda03 · 10/12/2023 08:54

One absolute Kay aspect here ……you text him

he did not at any point in this imagined dire emergency text you

you text him

despite her being asleep according to him he didn’t think to text you

you had to text him

tell the ‘hero’ to get his arse home to explain the above massive red flag or to consider the size of the suit case he’ll need!

We don't actually know that he hadn't texted her before the 1.50am call. She said he decided to make a big night of it, which suggests that he contacted her to warn her about that.

NancyJoan · 10/12/2023 09:02

Hope you’ve all had some sleep, OP. Poor woman, wouldn’t want to be her this morning.

Imelda03 · 10/12/2023 09:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ApintofwhatFarageishaving · 10/12/2023 09:06

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 03:57

Anyway, off to bed. Thanks everyone.

Thank you both for keeping her safe X

Ignore the nay sayers on here, your DH is lovely

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 10/12/2023 09:08

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 02:24

My DH was on his Xmas night out tonight. Started quite early and he said he'd be home about 11pm - did and does not matter to met at all that he decided to extend it to a big night.

I text at 1.50am to check all was okay, and he asked me to call him asap.

As I understand it, one of the women got so incredibly drunk that she was very ill and unsafe. Spewing and falling over as she made her way into a taxi. My DH has gone home with her to check she was okay

She's now passed out on her floor, having been sick everywhere. He says he's covered in her sick. He doesn't want to leave her because she lives alone and he's not sure that she's safe.

He thinks he should stay until morning,or until she wakes up at least.

What would your DH do in that situation?

My DH would have made the cab wait and found a woman to take her home. To protect himself and mskr her feel most comfortable. That's the most appropriate behaviour in this scenario.

Gettingbysomehow · 10/12/2023 09:09

She could accuse him of anything. You should get down thete if you can.

Saytheyhear · 10/12/2023 09:09

Is he medically trained?
So odd that when she lost consciousness his first thought wasn't to get medical help.
It's not just a vomiting person. She may have had her drink spiked, be dehydrated, have alcoholic poisoning.
If I was the female in this position, regardless of how familiar I am with the married man I would wonder at the very least why he's choosing to be the hero instead of getting me medical help.

TheSuggestedAmendment · 10/12/2023 09:09

Well done, OP. You did the right thing going round in the circumstance.

However, sad as it is, your DH must never do that again. He should never have put himself in that position of ending up with a drunk woman in her flat alone.

Lawyer here, and this is WAY too much risk for his career and reputation. It was a huge error - there were other options (ask the couple to come in as well/take her straight to A&E/bring her home to you and your spare bed etc).

gannett · 10/12/2023 09:10

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 10/12/2023 09:08

My DH would have made the cab wait and found a woman to take her home. To protect himself and mskr her feel most comfortable. That's the most appropriate behaviour in this scenario.

Show quote history

There may not have been a woman who was willing/able/available.

Onceuponaheartache · 10/12/2023 09:11

I think he should probably have another female there for his own sake but on a personal level your DH is lovely!! I had my drink spiked on a night out in my 20's I don't drink alcohol so I knew something wasn't right. Everyone else thought I was just drunk, except a lovely male colleague who took me home, made sure I was safe and sat on my dining chair in the doorway to my room all night just in case. He had told his wife the situation in case anyone made comments about us leaving together.

I cannot thank either of them enough for their kindness. it could have ended very differently, but i was safe because he took a risk on being accused of all sorts to make sure i was ok.

You have a great one their @YouBelongWithMe

Ramalangadingdong · 10/12/2023 09:13

TheSuggestedAmendment · 10/12/2023 09:09

Well done, OP. You did the right thing going round in the circumstance.

However, sad as it is, your DH must never do that again. He should never have put himself in that position of ending up with a drunk woman in her flat alone.

Lawyer here, and this is WAY too much risk for his career and reputation. It was a huge error - there were other options (ask the couple to come in as well/take her straight to A&E/bring her home to you and your spare bed etc).

great advice here for anyone else facing this situation in the future. It's really unfair that other colleagues abandoned her and OPs husband was the only one who bothered with her.

Behindyouiam · 10/12/2023 09:14

Gettingbysomehow · 10/12/2023 09:09

She could accuse him of anything. You should get down thete if you can.

It 9.10 am that ship has sailed....

diddl · 10/12/2023 09:22

gannett · 10/12/2023 09:10

There may not have been a woman who was willing/able/available.

Show quote history

Or indeed a taxi!

Do the have to take vomiting women because they are women?

dbond · 10/12/2023 09:24

Stay? No. What help is he really? If she was that ill I’d say hospital would be better than him staying, like what he’s a doctor? Tbh I agree with naive, I wouldn’t let my partner stay in such a risky situation, I’m sure a female could of gone home with her and why is she getting in that state on a works do, that’s heavy.. people get drunk and sleep it off if he was worried of something else happening take her to A&E. His priority should be himself and his partner not some women he works with.

SauronsArsehole · 10/12/2023 09:28

I’d tell him to call an ambulance. This covers him and her from any potential risk/accusation etc. she’s passed out and vomiting that’s a risk of her suffocating on her own vomit. She cannot be left alone.

ItAintGonnaGoDownEasyIfItAintCheezy · 10/12/2023 09:31

gannett · 10/12/2023 09:10

There may not have been a woman who was willing/able/available.

Show quote history

Then in that case of whataboutery, the cab or whoever was driving her could drop her off at a&e, if she was that bad.

henrysugar12 · 10/12/2023 09:34

After being in a restaurant on Friday night and seeing loads of work Xmas parties, I'm not surprised! There were so many young women drinking so much that they were paralytic, could barely walk!

I'm glad you went over too, she might accuse you DH of all sorts!

Gillypie23 · 10/12/2023 09:36

If she's unresponsive I'd have rang an ambulance. The woman shouldn't have drank so much.

CagneyAndLazy · 10/12/2023 09:41

One thing that does surprise me is the sheer number of people saying the woman might accuse OP's husband of all sorts.

Admittedly it did cross my mind but I thought it was just me being a little paranoid,

moonlitnoir · 10/12/2023 09:41

great advice here for anyone else facing this situation in the future. It's really unfair that other colleagues abandoned her and OPs husband was the only one who bothered with her

I agree. But, it's also unfair to get so drunk that colleagues have to bloody babysit you to ensure you don't choke on your own vomit. Yes, we should all look after each other of course, but drinking that much is a choice and the fallout is having to clean vomit out of a car, clothes, everyone is knackered because they've had to look after her etc. She owes them a very big apology and I hope she offers money for cleaning the car.

OhNoOhNo · 10/12/2023 09:43

I’d have called the police and left her there. I wouldn’t risk getting my car or clothes puked on by a drunk twat, especially as I’m teetotal. She made her choices.