Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH at woman's house after Xmas night out

384 replies

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 02:24

My DH was on his Xmas night out tonight. Started quite early and he said he'd be home about 11pm - did and does not matter to met at all that he decided to extend it to a big night.

I text at 1.50am to check all was okay, and he asked me to call him asap.

As I understand it, one of the women got so incredibly drunk that she was very ill and unsafe. Spewing and falling over as she made her way into a taxi. My DH has gone home with her to check she was okay

She's now passed out on her floor, having been sick everywhere. He says he's covered in her sick. He doesn't want to leave her because she lives alone and he's not sure that she's safe.

He thinks he should stay until morning,or until she wakes up at least.

What would your DH do in that situation?

OP posts:
FizzyLaser · 10/12/2023 16:22

he sounds a nice guy

I wonder if she has a drinking problem, rather than just a midguided one off binge?

Maybe she drank lots before she went out. Very common with alcoholics

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 10/12/2023 16:33

I think your DH did a wonderful thing OP (my dh wouldn't have felt comfortable leaving a colleague in that state either) but I can see both sides unfortunately. There are some horrible people out there who would take advantage of a very drunk women and unfortunately a women who would immediately jump to the worst conclusion and think something had happened and accuse an innocent man of something.

I hope your DH and the lady are both feeling better now.

Xmasblues · 10/12/2023 16:39

Well done to your DH.
He did the absolute right thing by not leaving her.

I’m shocked and saddened at some of these replies.

FWIW I used to be able to drink like a fish.

Then one night me and a friend went to a club and after one drink I was so ill and we had to leave really early, which I was so embarrassed about.

I walked upstairs to bed and i collapsed on the stairs but couldn’t move any part of my body.
In the end I fell asleep on the stairs and then I woke up a few hours later.

My friend had 1 1// drinks (because we had to leave early due to my sickness) and said she felt fine until she got home and was then throwing up everywhere and her mum put her to bed thinking she’d had loads.
My friend said she could barely move.

I am convinced that the someone (possibly the bar man) spiked our drinks.

Natsku · 10/12/2023 16:58

diddl · 10/12/2023 14:26

Tbh it's a situation where I might help & I might not.

Depending on how much it would inconvenience me, how I was feeling myself & if I would have to involve others.

Really? You'd leave someone to potentially choke and die if it was inconvenient for you to help them?

diddl · 10/12/2023 17:05

Natsku · 10/12/2023 16:58

Really? You'd leave someone to potentially choke and die if it was inconvenient for you to help them?

Show quote history

If I was the only person left I doubt that I would walk away.

Would I jump in first & offer?-probably not!

Bangwam1 · 10/12/2023 17:05

I must be harsh. Screw all that nonsense. She’s a grown woman, she should know how to handle her drink, or how to limit herself. Ambulance, bye 👋

Most people would have called an ambulance, or if she is just very drunk, a cab. Your husband is also incredibly naive to put himself in this situation.

JustDumped · 10/12/2023 17:08

Hey OP

I think your DH did a good thing, as did you going over there to help him and get him home.

Let’s hope there are more people out there like you.

AzureBlue99 · 10/12/2023 17:10

Your husband and you are good people. Have a great Xmas.

Ilovelurchers · 10/12/2023 17:17

I'm disgusted by loads of these responses, especially all the ones who think the woman was likely to lie and pretend he had assaulted her.

Is that something you think happens a lot, then? Women lying about rape and abuse?

Sometimes I can't believe what I am reading!

Yes, it is technically possible that she might lie and pretend he assaulted her. Just as it is technically possible that next time she sees him she might run at him with a knife and stab him to death. Both are pretty much equally likely I would say.

Perhaps the reason women often claim they have been assaulted is because THEY HAVE BEEN ASSAULTED. And as he is not a rapist, there is a vanishingly small possibility of OP's husband being accused of rape, by this woman or any other.

OP, your husband sounds like a nice fella, and I am glad you and he helped the woman. Right thing to do. Ideally she wouldn't have got so drunk, but it happens. Hopefully not part of a bigger picture of problems for her - if it is hopefully she will get help. Glad it was your husband and you around to help her out, not some of the frankly awful people responding on here who believe false accusations of rape are an ever present danger for males......

isadoradancing123 · 10/12/2023 17:21

Well she shouldnt get so drunk, tell him get home NOW

Behindyouiam · 10/12/2023 17:28

isadoradancing123 · 10/12/2023 17:21

Well she shouldnt get so drunk, tell him get home NOW

You are so bloody right! He needs to move his arse right NOW!!

Imagine if he'd been there for the last 18 fucking hours, what's his excuse??

Behindyouiam · 10/12/2023 17:28

@isadoradancing123 my apologies he's only been there 13 hours...

theDudesmummy · 10/12/2023 17:35

He has not been there since last night, what are you talking about?

burnoutbabe · 10/12/2023 17:38

My point was more about no one knowing that the man was 100% good.

Do we not have sone respond when sone other female at work is unconscious to not send her off into the night with any man who says he will take her home?

Or is it fine as "sure bob won't rape her" as obviously we can tell those men in advance.

It's difficult but as a senior female in the workplace I'd feel sone obligation to sort out a better option than what happened.

rainbowunicorn · 10/12/2023 17:42

isadoradancing123 · 10/12/2023 17:21

Well she shouldnt get so drunk, tell him get home NOW

Did you not consider that 13 hours after the initial post things may have moved on a bit. You could read the OPs posts before posting

ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 10/12/2023 18:00

Fair play to him. It's nice to hear there's some decent people still about.

I can't believe some people think he would have been better to leave her alone. Imagine if anything happened to her, fall down a stairs or choke on her own vomit.

Natsku · 10/12/2023 18:27

diddl · 10/12/2023 17:05

If I was the only person left I doubt that I would walk away.

Would I jump in first & offer?-probably not!

Show quote history

Ah, understandable not to make the first offer. Though if it was a woman and I was the only other woman around I would offer first, to be on the safe side and to make her more comfortable. I hope other women would do the same.

Dweetfidilove · 10/12/2023 18:33

I’m glad she found a wonderful pair like you and your husband!

Hopefully she’s sufficiently mortified, she’ll stay clear of the booze next outing.

MillarMountVandal · 10/12/2023 18:34

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 02:24

My DH was on his Xmas night out tonight. Started quite early and he said he'd be home about 11pm - did and does not matter to met at all that he decided to extend it to a big night.

I text at 1.50am to check all was okay, and he asked me to call him asap.

As I understand it, one of the women got so incredibly drunk that she was very ill and unsafe. Spewing and falling over as she made her way into a taxi. My DH has gone home with her to check she was okay

She's now passed out on her floor, having been sick everywhere. He says he's covered in her sick. He doesn't want to leave her because she lives alone and he's not sure that she's safe.

He thinks he should stay until morning,or until she wakes up at least.

What would your DH do in that situation?

What would my DH do? Not go home with a woman from work, I'd hope!

I think it's reasonable to make sure a drunk colleague gets home; but she had that, other colleagues giving her a lift home. So there was no need whatsoever for your husband to even get involved, he could've left her in their care, and got a cab (to his own!) home. Your husband opting to get dropped off with her, and go inside to 'nurse' her is bizarre (she wasn't ill, she was drunk!). And he was planning to spend the night there???
Sorry, no, I really don't think (given all the circumstances) the majority of men would've did what your husband did.

Gowlett · 10/12/2023 18:35

I don’t think she’s an alcoholic… Just went overboard at the Xmas party. Probably actually more likely she’s not used to drinking much. It’s nice to know that somebody would help even when you’ve been very silly. She will be embarrassed but grateful.

GladioliandSweetPeas · 10/12/2023 18:48

He definitely should not have stepped foot in her house but I do completely understand why he did. He's a good'un!

I hope she's ok. What a nasty surprise she'll have had to deal with when she woke up today! Vomit everywhere....

fragilrock00 · 10/12/2023 18:53

Tbh I'm glad it turned out ok but I would feel very uncomfortable if a male colleague escorted me into my bedroom while I was drunk. I live alone and getting me home in one piece is one thing but taking me to my bedroom would not be ok - without a female colleague. If I was genuinely that ill that leaving me alone was a risk, id prefer to be taken to A&E (if it seems I've been drugged) or have my close friends and family called/informed. Any colleague who cared that much about me would know who to call for me - no one is that alone.

I would freak out because if I was that drunk I wouldn't have any recollection of that night and what happened which would put me in a vulnerable position. And no one knows colleagues that well, as you only see each other in a professional setting normally. The only time I was sexually assaulted was by a colleague I worked with for 7 years - the nicest kindest bloke to everyone else, married with a wife and kids I'd even met. I got drunk at a work party and he told others he'd escort me to my hotel room to make sure I was ok. Once at my room he started kissing me and when I pushed him off he said he couldn't help himself as I was so hot and no one would know. I then threw up and before I could do anything he rushed me into my bathroom under the excuse of holding my hair and started groping me. I was too weak to push him off, fainted and when I came to, it was morning, I'd been changed into different clothes but I felt sore down there. Lots of messages from him checking if I was ok. At the time I felt too embarrassed to say anything and wasn't confident in what had happened so never reported it. He acted like everything was normal, counting on the fact I'd feel too embarrassed to say anything and had a ready made excuse why he was alone with me. So he played the hero but I knew he had assaulted me. I left the company shortly after and to this day I regret not reporting him.

I'm sure this is not your DH but both he and you should also consider what's best for the woman and her comfort/privacy in that situation. You might be comfortable and trust your DH but she isn't you. If he does need to help her, there can be other women colleagues called or her own friends and family, or A&E. Just because a woman doesn't have a partner doesn't mean she needs other men escorting her to her bedroom....

Original poster
YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 19:18

@fragilrock00 I'm so sorry for your experience, that's appalling. No words really, just fucking dreadful.

OP posts:
CandyCane100 · 10/12/2023 19:36

I dunno. He’s a better person than I am. I’d help if I really had to but as an emetophobic single parent (so I’d need to get home for the sitter) I’d really prefer not to be in that situation.

fragilrock00 · 10/12/2023 19:40

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 19:18

@fragilrock00 I'm so sorry for your experience, that's appalling. No words really, just fucking dreadful.

Thank you. Not everyone is like this of course but when you're a woman living alone, you feel a sense of vulnerability anyway - so am glad you stopped DH spending the night. I really think that would have made her uncomfortable no matter how well meaning and innocent DH's intention.

What was worse in my case is he was the one who kept topping up my wine without me asking and insisting I take shots. So it might have even be planned, I'll never know. My ex DP ironically worked in the Met's Sapphire unit (I met him years after the incident) and told me most sexual assault is committed by people the victims know and Xmas party season was the busiest for incidents/complaints. Combination of alcohol, people having a hall pass to stay out till early morning etc. So I now personally ensure every woman in my team has a way of getting home safely that doesn't need a male colleague to be alone with her, especially if she's too drunk to consent to him being in her home alone.