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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH at woman's house after Xmas night out

384 replies

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 02:24

My DH was on his Xmas night out tonight. Started quite early and he said he'd be home about 11pm - did and does not matter to met at all that he decided to extend it to a big night.

I text at 1.50am to check all was okay, and he asked me to call him asap.

As I understand it, one of the women got so incredibly drunk that she was very ill and unsafe. Spewing and falling over as she made her way into a taxi. My DH has gone home with her to check she was okay

She's now passed out on her floor, having been sick everywhere. He says he's covered in her sick. He doesn't want to leave her because she lives alone and he's not sure that she's safe.

He thinks he should stay until morning,or until she wakes up at least.

What would your DH do in that situation?

OP posts:
Bobtheamazinggingerdog · 10/12/2023 12:53

Purplebunnie · 10/12/2023 12:50

Not read the whole thread so others may have said this. I would either get her in a car and take her to A&E or call an ambulance. If he manages to get her in her bed and she chokes on her own vomit he will never forgive himself

edited Oops sorry didn't see your update glad she is okayish

Edited

It helps to read at least the OP because this all happened last night and is now resolved

ripplingwater · 10/12/2023 12:54

By the look of it, there are a large number of women around who would let other women suffer the consequences of this, whatever the reason

You are wrongly assuming we haven't helped. I have done this- multiple times, helped someone home, stayed with them, got them water, ensured they were safe, held their hair back whilst they puked etc. I would never leave someone in an unsafe state. That said, when it's automatically assumed that it's YOUR role because you don't drink you get fcking fed up of it happening over and over again.

This is why I no longer stay very long on work nights out. I now leave after the first two drinks or I don't go at all. I am sure that makes me a horrible, selfish person in your eyes since apparently, my role is to be the police, bouncer, and personal nurse to people on nights out but frankly I don't care. What would happen if I was ill or couldn't physically be there to look after people- what then?

supersonicginandtonic · 10/12/2023 13:03

Somebody who is intoxicated is not a police matter. Best thing is to place them in the recovery position so they don't choke on any vomit and leave them to sleep it off.
If you're really concerned it's an ambulance and they'll be looked after in A&e until sober.
Only if they become violent or a thread dies it become a police matter.

OP the world is lucky to have people like you and your husband.

Arniesleftleg · 10/12/2023 13:03

I just asked my DH what he would do and he's said he would put her in the recovery position and prop her against a sofa so she cant roll on to her back. Also, he'd FaceTime me. I trust him 100% so wouldn't be worried if he'd stayed. I think your DH is being chivalrous, and if you trust him there's nothing to worry about.

allmyliesaretrue · 10/12/2023 13:08

banananas1978 · 10/12/2023 11:48

Your husband is crazy stupid, all she has to do is have a dream about having se ks and before he knows he will be acused of r **e. What an idiot, make should never evvvver be
left alone with a drunk woman. Should not have got involved,if she was that drunk and had no friends the bar would have called police and she would have been either escorted home or cell to sleep it off.

what a tool seriously,that woman will unlikely be thankful for him to be around when she is out of it,she will be thinking what if…

good luck to him if he is lucky she wont accuse him in anything, it is not really normal for a man to take a drunken woman home unless there is something more to it

What a revolting and thoroughly depressing mindset. No wonder the world is such a horrible place.

Total lack of decency and integrity.

@YouBelongWithMe OP, your husband is a good man, and should be commended for looking after his colleague. Shame the others in the car left him to it.

Emiliaswrath · 10/12/2023 13:08

The police don't come out unless someone is causing trouble. About 8 years ago my partner and I found a man collapsed in the street, he was drunk and couldn't get up. Thankfully he wasn't vomiting, just couldn't get his legs working. Police were not interested at all, my partner and son ended up virtually carrying him to his house a few streets away, while I carried his shopping. Put him in his house, on his couch, put his food in the fridge then locked up and posted key back through letterbox.
Ambulance service called me a couple of hours later and asked me to check he was breathing ok 😂

dbond · 10/12/2023 13:23

Sorry have to ask- you were spiked and remember everything? If we start normalising this behavior that men think they have the duty to look after drunk and drugged women, what kind of message are sending out to our daughters, sons, young people in general? I don’t agree with this at all yes you might of been ok, he might of not had bad intentions but are we that naive to think that there are more good than the is bad which comes in that situation. It was your work colleague but isn’t this like the cliche scenario of a man ‘walking’ a women out of a club and getting in a taxi with her.. I wish I had this much faith in mankind…

lemmein · 10/12/2023 13:40

MiddleParking · 10/12/2023 10:13

I actually find it quite mad how naive so many people seem to be about alcohol and its effects. The same amount of alcohol could make me enjoyably tipsy one day and completely sick another. It depends on a huge number of factors - your size, age, weight, mood, menstrual cycle, general health, what you’ve eaten, what you ate and drank in the preceding days, whether you’ve exercised, the type and strength of alcohol you consume, where you drink it, what you mix it with, how fast you drink it, what you do when you’ve drunk it. Getting drunker than you expect/plan to at your work’s Christmas do is unbelievably easy to do and extremely unlikely to be because someone’s actively chosen to spike your drink with no discernible motivation.

Edited

Yeah I agree with this. I once went to a friends house for a drink, there was about 8 of us, all really close. I was on my second glass of wine and suddenly became very ill. I was vomiting non stop, slurring, I couldn't walk properly- it was horrendous.

I've no idea why I had such an awful reaction; had I been in a club I definitely would've thought I'd been spiked. It was just so sudden. I'd been sat chatting, laughing, having a good time then suddenly went dizzy and it went downhill from there Blush

Your husband is a good'un OP - I'm glad she's ok, poor lass - she must be mortified.

dbond · 10/12/2023 13:56

lmao most victims of crime are women which most offenders are men.. it’s not a depressing mind set it’s a depressing world we live in!! If only people weren’t so naive, the world can be and IS an ugly place

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2023 13:57

ripplingwater · 10/12/2023 12:54

By the look of it, there are a large number of women around who would let other women suffer the consequences of this, whatever the reason

You are wrongly assuming we haven't helped. I have done this- multiple times, helped someone home, stayed with them, got them water, ensured they were safe, held their hair back whilst they puked etc. I would never leave someone in an unsafe state. That said, when it's automatically assumed that it's YOUR role because you don't drink you get fcking fed up of it happening over and over again.

This is why I no longer stay very long on work nights out. I now leave after the first two drinks or I don't go at all. I am sure that makes me a horrible, selfish person in your eyes since apparently, my role is to be the police, bouncer, and personal nurse to people on nights out but frankly I don't care. What would happen if I was ill or couldn't physically be there to look after people- what then?

That wasn't my point at all

I don't think you should stay to be all those things. Go when you want to go.

My point was, if you're actually there (generic 'you') then why wouldn't you help if you can? (and clearly, you have)

diddl · 10/12/2023 14:01

My point was, if you're actually there(generic 'you') then why wouldn't you help if you can? (and clearly, you have)

But she did get help-the couple who drove her home & Op's husband & then Op.

That's 4 people involved-how many more should there be?

Impossible to know why no one else helped.

Already left?

Taxis/lifts booked?

SunshineAutumnday · 10/12/2023 14:16

Thankfully she had your husband around to look after her.

This happened to my ex boss, following a nasty divorce, she got very very drunk at the works christmas do. Thankfully, before she could course too much damage - a male work colleauge noticed and we both took her home and stayed with her till morning and cleaned her up. Never was spoken about or discussed. We were just glad she was safe.

ripplingwater · 10/12/2023 14:19

My point was, if you're actually there (generic 'you') then why wouldn't you help if you can? (and clearly, you have)

The OP's husband DID help so what's your point? My point is, that grown adults shouldn't get themselves in situations where others have to put themselves out, be vomited on, have to stay up half the night looking after them when THEY made the choice to get trashed. It's incredibly selfish, immature behaviour.

weirdsibling · 10/12/2023 14:22

@OhNoOhNo
You do sound rather unpleasant, I suspect no one needs to worry about you being kind to them on a night out , if you are as you appear on here does anyone actually seek your company ?

OhNoOhNo · 10/12/2023 14:23

weirdsibling · 10/12/2023 14:22

@OhNoOhNo
You do sound rather unpleasant, I suspect no one needs to worry about you being kind to them on a night out , if you are as you appear on here does anyone actually seek your company ?

Why am I unpleasant, because I don’t want to clean your cold sick? You are not worth an answer tbh.

diddl · 10/12/2023 14:26

Tbh it's a situation where I might help & I might not.

Depending on how much it would inconvenience me, how I was feeling myself & if I would have to involve others.

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/12/2023 14:58

tennesseewhiskey1 · 10/12/2023 02:33

My dh would stay - do you trust your dh?

Doesn't matter if you trust your DH - what if she wakes up and accuses him of something?

She may or may not be lying, but it would be a horrific situation to be in.

Frankly, I'm surprised she was allowed into a taxi in that state - the driver wouldn't;t let her in here.

diddl · 10/12/2023 15:02

Frankly, I'm surprised she was allowed into a taxi in that state

There was no taxi.

She puked in a colleague's partner's(?) new car!

Emotionalsupportviper · 10/12/2023 15:11

diddl · 10/12/2023 15:02

Frankly, I'm surprised she was allowed into a taxi in that state

There was no taxi.

She puked in a colleague's partner's(?) new car!

Sorry!

Speed read!

I hope the colleague makes her pay for valeting - that's disgusting.

diddl · 10/12/2023 15:19

I hope the colleague makes her pay for valeting - that's disgusting.

Ikr!

Much as I'm glad that she got home safely, being sick in someone's car, sick on Op's husband, sick in her house & passed out on the floor!

I know that it's possible to suddenly feel the effects of alcohol but isn't that the point at which you stop drinking?

BlueMongoose · 10/12/2023 15:44

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 11:53

This is a really sad, depressing view of the world.

He didn't think about the optics of it. He saw someone he knows and likes and was vulnerable, and he helped out in the way he thought was right.

The girl is embarrassed but grateful.

What a dreadful state where we'd all abandon a vulnerable, sick, helpless women on a cold night in the streets for fear that someone might think we have ill-intentions.

Show quote history

I totally agree with you, OP.
I once spent the night sleeping on my (male) boss's floor because he got ratarsed at a company dinner; though I got him back to his digs and got him into his bed, I was not willing to leave him in such a state in case he was sick and choked to death, which can happen. I didn't have a partner at the time, but If I had and they had in any way objected, they'd have rapidly been an ex-partner. I'd expect my own partner now to do the same as yours did, too, because like yours, he's a decent human being.

Bromptotoo · 10/12/2023 16:01

banananas1978 · 10/12/2023 11:48

Your husband is crazy stupid, all she has to do is have a dream about having se ks and before he knows he will be acused of r **e. What an idiot, make should never evvvver be
left alone with a drunk woman. Should not have got involved,if she was that drunk and had no friends the bar would have called police and she would have been either escorted home or cell to sleep it off.

what a tool seriously,that woman will unlikely be thankful for him to be around when she is out of it,she will be thinking what if…

good luck to him if he is lucky she wont accuse him in anything, it is not really normal for a man to take a drunken woman home unless there is something more to it

@banananas1978 I guess we all have our own attitude to risk and how we quantify it and its consequences.

If I knew the woman over three plus years at work then I'd have an idea of whether the sort of allegation you suggest might occur.

The consequences, were an allegation made, might be damaging but the probability is low enough that I can live with it. Better than her being found dead in a pool of her own sick...

Icelandia · 10/12/2023 16:11

I'd get the hell out of Dodge. He can be implicated in a situation he may not be aware of. Prop her up against the wall to stop her choking on her own vomit and leave.

dbond · 10/12/2023 16:16

This reply has been deleted

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cosmicfig · 10/12/2023 16:17

I would have gone over there too if you were able to.