Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH at woman's house after Xmas night out

384 replies

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 02:24

My DH was on his Xmas night out tonight. Started quite early and he said he'd be home about 11pm - did and does not matter to met at all that he decided to extend it to a big night.

I text at 1.50am to check all was okay, and he asked me to call him asap.

As I understand it, one of the women got so incredibly drunk that she was very ill and unsafe. Spewing and falling over as she made her way into a taxi. My DH has gone home with her to check she was okay

She's now passed out on her floor, having been sick everywhere. He says he's covered in her sick. He doesn't want to leave her because she lives alone and he's not sure that she's safe.

He thinks he should stay until morning,or until she wakes up at least.

What would your DH do in that situation?

OP posts:
Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 12:02

@banananas1978 hes not a mere acquaintance though is he? He worked with her in a tight knit team of colleagues for three years. Have you never formed a friendship with a bloke? Contrary to what some seem to believe, they don’t all go round ogling boobs and sticking their dicks in unwanted places. I feel very sad for you.

banananas1978 · 10/12/2023 12:02

So out of the whole works party no other woman was concerned for you,but a male in his 30s took a drunk 19 year old girl home and “forgot about it”? Sure he did..are you still 19 or just naive?

StressedOutSemolina · 10/12/2023 12:03

banananas1978 · 10/12/2023 12:02

So out of the whole works party no other woman was concerned for you,but a male in his 30s took a drunk 19 year old girl home and “forgot about it”? Sure he did..are you still 19 or just naive?

For fucks sake 🙄

Original poster
YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 12:04

banananas1978 · 10/12/2023 12:02

So out of the whole works party no other woman was concerned for you,but a male in his 30s took a drunk 19 year old girl home and “forgot about it”? Sure he did..are you still 19 or just naive?

Where on earth are you getting 19? She's mid thirties!! There was only nine of them on the whole thing, and I'm not sure how many were left by the time she needed to be taken home.

OP posts:
QueSyrahSyrah · 10/12/2023 12:04

I cannot imagine the mindset of seeing a colleague of several years in need of help and thinking 'well they'll be best in a cell'. FFS what a way to live your life.

Also @banananas1978 we're all grown ups here, you can say sex and rape without self-censoring.

Original poster
YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 12:05

Oh sorry, you were talking about another poster's experience. I misread.

OP posts:
banananas1978 · 10/12/2023 12:06

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 12:02

@banananas1978 hes not a mere acquaintance though is he? He worked with her in a tight knit team of colleagues for three years. Have you never formed a friendship with a bloke? Contrary to what some seem to believe, they don’t all go round ogling boobs and sticking their dicks in unwanted places. I feel very sad for you.

People can be married for decades and then not even know each other-some turn trans,some turn out to be pee dos,some rap ists etc. 3 years working with someone does not mean they know them. I had a best friend,for 10 years literally spent hours every day together,some would say as close as sisters- it took that friendship one day to end,made me realise she wasnt who i thought she was at all.

Bobbotgegrinch · 10/12/2023 12:08

YouBelongWithMe · 10/12/2023 11:53

This is a really sad, depressing view of the world.

He didn't think about the optics of it. He saw someone he knows and likes and was vulnerable, and he helped out in the way he thought was right.

The girl is embarrassed but grateful.

What a dreadful state where we'd all abandon a vulnerable, sick, helpless women on a cold night in the streets for fear that someone might think we have ill-intentions.

Show quote history

It is a sad depressing view of the world, but it's also no tinaccurate.

I'm your husband, generally seen as the safe pair of hands on work nights out who hangs around till the end of the night. As a result people feel they can get absolutely slaughtered around me and I'll keep an eye on them. I've never had to go to the lengths your husband has, but I've had to get in taxis with both men and women because they can't remember where they live etc.

I don't do it any more, a couple of years ago another bloke, who a friend had asked me to subtly keep away from her, got the hump and started questioning my intentions to HR. So now I only go out for a couple of pints, and leave before anyone starts getting pissed. It's not worth the risk to me or my family.

bartbert235 · 10/12/2023 12:09

It's so easy to drink too much as a works Christmas meal. Normally loads of wine on the table and people top you up without noticing.

OhNoOhNo · 10/12/2023 12:10

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 09:52

Yeah, so what if she choked on her vomit and died.

FFS.

Show quote history

Which part of call the police did you miss?

It’s their job to deal with drunks not mine.

And why would I let a puking person in my car, as a teetotal?

I find drunk people gross, there is no fucking way I’m exposing myself to that.

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 12:14

OhNoOhNo · 10/12/2023 12:10

Which part of call the police did you miss?

It’s their job to deal with drunks not mine.

And why would I let a puking person in my car, as a teetotal?

I find drunk people gross, there is no fucking way I’m exposing myself to that.

Show quote history

Are you living in a dream world where the police turn up within minutes and are happy to sit with drunk people? Christ. Please stay away from anyone having fun.

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 12:17

banananas1978 · 10/12/2023 12:06

People can be married for decades and then not even know each other-some turn trans,some turn out to be pee dos,some rap ists etc. 3 years working with someone does not mean they know them. I had a best friend,for 10 years literally spent hours every day together,some would say as close as sisters- it took that friendship one day to end,made me realise she wasnt who i thought she was at all.

Show quote history

Sorry but I still feel sad for you, you must have had some shit thrown at you in life. Just know that not everyone feels like you do.

OhNoOhNo · 10/12/2023 12:19

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 11:27

@burnoutbabe I agree the other people in the car should also have helped. But thank god someone was decent enough to recognise the drunk woman wasn’t safe to be left alone. He did the right thing in difficult circumstances, and so did OP.

Why should they help any further, their brand new car was puked on by a drunk idiot.

OhNoOhNo · 10/12/2023 12:21

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 12:14

Are you living in a dream world where the police turn up within minutes and are happy to sit with drunk people? Christ. Please stay away from anyone having fun.

Show quote history

So why is it my job as a teetotal to care about drunk people? What about my right not to be exposed to stinking, puking drunk people?

If they want to have fun, they can crack on, but they should also take responsibility for themselves and not expect me to get covered in sick and lose sleep.

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 12:22

Baggsy not going on a night out with bananas and ohno

OhNoOhNo · 10/12/2023 12:23

Tetchypants · 10/12/2023 12:22

Baggsy not going on a night out with bananas and ohno

Happily. Take responsibility for yourself and don’t expect people to put themselves out. Drunkards are 🤮.

tkwal · 10/12/2023 12:29

If you arent looking after your own children (sorry for assuming) you should go to her place , taking your DH some clean clothes and stay there until she's either safe to be left alone or you can find someone else to look after her. Looks like your DH is one of the good guys !

Moveoverdarlin · 10/12/2023 12:30

Oh god, that poor woman, she must be mortified this morning. It’s embarrassing enough that she puked all over a male colleague who had to help her to bed. The fact she was in such a state, he had to get his sober wife out of bed to assist him is even worse. They both have to turn this in to a hilarious story, to regale for years…the sight of you turning up to find your husband in just his trousers and a towel covered in his colleagues sick who’s in bed snoring is pretty funny. She definitely owes you both a bottle of Baileys at the very least.

greenbeansnspinach · 10/12/2023 12:37

Great to know there are some decent kind men around. I hope my husband would do the same.

ripplingwater · 10/12/2023 12:39

OhNoOhNo · 10/12/2023 12:21

So why is it my job as a teetotal to care about drunk people? What about my right not to be exposed to stinking, puking drunk people?

If they want to have fun, they can crack on, but they should also take responsibility for themselves and not expect me to get covered in sick and lose sleep.

Edited
Show quote history

I agree with this. Of course I'd help someone if they needed it but I shouldn't have to be the designated babysitter just because I choose not to get wasted FFS.

It's not my responsibility to look after grown adults who choose to get smashed. Yes, we all make mistakes but this seems to happen so regularly to people who don't drink- they end up being pressured to be the person driving everyone home, looking after everyone and being the "responsible adult" as if everyone else has the mental age of 12. It's not ok. What about their right to go out and enjoy themselves without having to clean up other people's vomit?

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2023 12:46

OhNoOhNo · 10/12/2023 12:10

Which part of call the police did you miss?

It’s their job to deal with drunks not mine.

And why would I let a puking person in my car, as a teetotal?

I find drunk people gross, there is no fucking way I’m exposing myself to that.

Show quote history

It is not the job of the police to deal with drunks unless they're drunk and disorderly

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2023 12:48

By the look of it, there are a large number of women around who would let other women suffer the consequences of this, whatever the reason.

Lots of things aren't my 'responsibility' but if I could help, I would.

Horrible world, isn't it?

OhNoOhNo · 10/12/2023 12:49

Nanny0gg · 10/12/2023 12:46

It is not the job of the police to deal with drunks unless they're drunk and disorderly

Show quote history

Well it’s not my job. And police do come out. If she’s puking like Regan in the Exorcist then she is disorderly.

Purplebunnie · 10/12/2023 12:50

Not read the whole thread so others may have said this. I would either get her in a car and take her to A&E or call an ambulance. If he manages to get her in her bed and she chokes on her own vomit he will never forgive himself

edited Oops sorry didn't see your update glad she is okayish

Sera1989 · 10/12/2023 12:51

I thought this was going to be an entirely different thread, even after I read the first post. Good on your DH for taking her home and making sure she was OK. It wasn't his responsibility but no one should be left to potentially fall or choke just because someone wants to either have fun or go home to bed (seen this happen a lot). Very sad that posters are saying he shouldn't have been alone with her in case he was accused of something, women don't automatically make rape accusations if a man steps foot in their house. You are obviously both very caring people and should be proud