What is worse? Fat or unhappy?

[alphamonkey]

Over the years I've been up and down constantly with my weight. To stay slim I really have to work at it. But unfortunately I really love food. I don't get out much with young dc and I derive a lot of enjoyment from looking forward to a takeaway and a few glasses of wine at the weekend. Or a cup or tea and a chocolate bar before bed. Or a nice sandwich from the deli for lunch. You get the idea. Sure, I could find healthier/lower calorie options but I simply don't enjoy them as much.

However I also don't like looking at photos of myself and being taken aback at how much weight I've put on. I don't like having to get changed 20 times before work or a night out because I'm so self conscious about what clings to me.

I'm at the stage where I feel like I'm always going to be unhappy one way or the other because I simply can't carry on eating the way I do and expect to lose weight. I'm either fat and happy or thinner and hungry/miserable.

Maybe if life was different - I.e I could get out a bit more and mix up my routine I wouldn't have the time to focus on food so much. But with mine and dh work patterns and the dc it's not an option right now.

I'm a size 14 and about 12 stone but in my late thirties now and I know if I keep eating like I am I will get bigger. The weight doesn't seem to come off as easily as it used to even when I do make a conscious effort. None of my efforts seem to last long though because I give in and eat crisps or drink wine again. Because I enjoy it.

So what are your thoughts? I really am getting depressed with the way I look but I just don't want to give up the things I enjoy.

I've been fat and happy, slim and unhappy and can confirm the worst is fat and unhappy.

New year, new me anyone?

Thanks for the info about intermittent fasting @JofraArchersFastestBall I’ve decided to try this today since I’ve been so busy with housework I haven’t even eaten or had a coffee yet and it’s noon. So, I may as well stick it out until 1 or 2pm have black decaf coffee before that if I’m feeling peckish.

re. Takeaway chat I applaud anyone who doesn’t like them/ can resist them, and I guess it’s all subjective but I think they’re delicious unfortunately 😆 I used to live in South London and there was amazing Korean, Thai and Japanese takeaways. I’ve lived and travelled in Asia so I can tell good Asian food when I come across it!
Also great Caribbean & Turkish food.
I’m a home baker but the local dessert places were just chefs kiss 🤤

I’m quite fussy with what I eat and even check hygiene ratings etc so yeah I gave many places a miss, but you’re still spoilt for choice in London and many other cities as far as takeaways go. actually glad I now live in a small-ish town with much less restaurants , not surrounded by as much temptation!

Fat and hungry and unhappy is even worse 😂😂😂😂😂

I am the same size and weight. Got changed in a changing room the other day ina supermarket and came away full of self-hate, I was crying. I hated the body I saw in the mirror.

I'd rather be a bit unhappy food-wise and like what I see in the mirror! I'd rather have confidence. Slim would be my choice every time. But I'd also choose money over love 😂

You can eat more if you exercise well.

I swear those things are designed to ruin sales. Nobody looks good in that harsh downlighting.

I fat (not hugely) and content but I do always say next week I shall start healthier regime

I’m surprised at this as I was so self absorbed in how I looked. I thought I would age better but I haven’t it’s more of a surprise than anything

I was fine with how I looked when younger (I was slim and never put on weight) I think I’ve just accepted my time to shine in a physical way is over but I do need to look after my health better

it doesn’t have to be one or the other

Kate moss said, nothing tastes as good as skinny feels, and got roundly panned for it.

howver she wasn’t far wrong, just the use of the word skinny maybe. And I get what she was trying to say.

that horrible sweaty feeling of getting changed multiple times to find something that fits and you feel is acceptable, the realisation your face is bloated, or puffy, the lethargic, unhealthy feeling of inactivity and over weight can give, the out of breath feeling, when trying to do certain things, the dressing not as you wish, but to disguise, the constricting underwear to try to minimise, the discomfort of a bra as it digs in and scaffolds, it’s just all permeating,

where as getting up and having a choice of what to wear, of your face looking ok, of being able to buy stuff simply as you like it, of feeling uou look ok, or even good, of having energy to do stuff. It’s a good feeling, a healthy one.

food is fleeting, where as feeling good is all the time.

I find the best way to motivate yourself for weight loss is to make a supreme effort initially and see some loss on the scales - even just an lb or two - but if feels good and changes my mindset. I then don't want to spoil it. I have lost almost 2 stone (going from 11.7 to 9.7 - I'm only 5ft 1" so at 9.7 I am not a stick) and I love how it feels. I am exactly the same as you, OP. Love food, love to eat, have 2 small kids and eat treat foods as a reward for the long days. But I have to say, despite the food sacrifices I have had to make, I don't feel miserable. I actually feel happier. I never thought I would but then I had forgotten how it feels to fit into my clothes without squeezing it all in! X

In my experience fat 30 year olds often turn into miserable morbidly obese diabetics in their 40s.

Was this really necessary?

No. But neither was the comment I replied too.

Wegovy if you can afford it. I've lost over 20kg (3 stone) in a year with no misery and hunger pangs, without really trying.

I was size 14 or more but I'm short. I was obese. I lived in the same clothes, got sweaty all the time, hated how big I looked but was resigned to it.

Size 14 isn't fat, it's just a normal size no one would remark on. You are not your weight, you are not your body size.

As others have said, maybe you need different clothes to improve your confidence. I've anyways had a large stomach proportionate to the rest of me so I have what I can wear that doesn't draw attention to that, for example.

Size 14 isn't fat, it's just a normal size no one would remark on.

Why do people insist on peddling this rubbish?

Women are not all a uniformed height and build, so a size 14 will almost definitely not make a tall woman fat but can and often does, make a short woman fat.

The OP knows her own body and I'm going to assume you've never seen it, so what's with the mind fuckery?

OP, I think you're right in that you don't have to give up everything you enjoy as long as you're mindful of what moderation really means for you personally (we all have different ideas of what it means).

I’m really not sure it’s helpful to tell people what other people think is fat or not, I know it’s good intention to try to give reassurance but it’s not going to help people. Fatness is visually subjective but overweight or obesity is not. I am a woman who has been obese (and currently overweight) I know it absolutely sucks in so many ways and whilst a size 14 isn’t morbidly obese if you are over 5’3/4, it absolutely can be if you are shorter. Your clothes not fitting and being really tight is uncomfortable and miserable. Buying new clothes might help to feel more comfortable but if you don’t address your underlying issues it is not a long term solution.

If you feel you are overweight then there are scientific measurements you can explore to gather info, not just BMI but the size of your waist-hips, waist measurements which will tell you your risk levels and help you make a decision as to what is best for you, and your health and well-being

We need to move away from seeing and talking about weight as a beauty issue, it’s a health issue. Women can support other women by being honest and helpful about weight struggles and no, fat doesn’t = ugly or worthless and I don’t really think other women even ever believe that, I know I don’t and most women I know do not think that either. But if someone asks me if I think they are overweight I am not going to lie to them to make them feel better if it’s true. If I asked a friend if I was overweight and they said OMG no of course not, I know it was to make me feel better but I would know it was not true 😂 I am.

We found ourselves gross/ugly but we don’t tend to look at other women and think YUK. My SIL is very self conscious about her weight but she is honestly so beautiful, kind and lovely with amazing skin I wish she would see what others see. You are more than your weight. I am envious of things about her and she is about me! We are unkind the most to ourselves not others.

There was a lovely thread on here this year which was all about the nice things women saw or said to other women in admiration for their lovely hair, nice clothes, bubbly personalities, and no one said anything negative about anyone else’s weight.

I’m a 12/14 and 5ft 10 ish. I def think it’s in the realms of chubby. I don’t think height makes as much difference as people make out. In fact I think being a bit fat and smaller looks better than being very tall and a bit fat because you just look very awkward and big generally

The way you describe your life being overweight it definitely doesn't come across as 'fat and happy' at all. It sounds very unhappy, actually.

I'm fat because of the meds I take to make me happy. Would I like to be thinner you bet am I prepared to come off my meds to achieve it not a cat in hells

Being fat makes me unhappy

@Echobelly I felt extremely fat at a size 14. I was definitely overweight going by BMI.

If you feel you are overweight then there are scientific measurements you can explore to gather info, not just BMI but the size of your waist-hips, waist measurements which will tell you your risk levels and help you make a decision as to what is best for you, and your health and well-being

I’d also add to this body fat measurements as a way to monitor health and risk levels. You can use callipers, go for a DEXA body scan or get a home scale which has body fat analysis - although the accuracy is disputed it gives you at least an approx idea and will track reductions or increases in things like body fat, visceral fat and bone density.

Sometimes the scale just sticks at a certain weight for a while, and it can be discouraging but when I’ve tracked progress in my waist size, body fat & other metrics it’s shown me I am making progress.

I wouldn't trust a home scale for body fat. Mine said my fat was a very worryingly low 13.7%. I had it measured by a DEXA and it said it was 22.5%.

where do you do the DEXA? thanks.

Yeah, as I said - their accuracy is disputed and should be taken with a pinch of salt .

There are some people who have their home scale reading more or less confirmed by DEXA scans and there’s others who have got a very different number from DEXA.

But I think it can give you a benchmark from which you can track upward or downward change. DEXA is ideal of course but not everyone can afford or get to a DEXA scan immediately.