What is worse? Fat or unhappy?

[alphamonkey]

Over the years I've been up and down constantly with my weight. To stay slim I really have to work at it. But unfortunately I really love food. I don't get out much with young dc and I derive a lot of enjoyment from looking forward to a takeaway and a few glasses of wine at the weekend. Or a cup or tea and a chocolate bar before bed. Or a nice sandwich from the deli for lunch. You get the idea. Sure, I could find healthier/lower calorie options but I simply don't enjoy them as much.

However I also don't like looking at photos of myself and being taken aback at how much weight I've put on. I don't like having to get changed 20 times before work or a night out because I'm so self conscious about what clings to me.

I'm at the stage where I feel like I'm always going to be unhappy one way or the other because I simply can't carry on eating the way I do and expect to lose weight. I'm either fat and happy or thinner and hungry/miserable.

Maybe if life was different - I.e I could get out a bit more and mix up my routine I wouldn't have the time to focus on food so much. But with mine and dh work patterns and the dc it's not an option right now.

I'm a size 14 and about 12 stone but in my late thirties now and I know if I keep eating like I am I will get bigger. The weight doesn't seem to come off as easily as it used to even when I do make a conscious effort. None of my efforts seem to last long though because I give in and eat crisps or drink wine again. Because I enjoy it.

So what are your thoughts? I really am getting depressed with the way I look but I just don't want to give up the things I enjoy.

It’s easier to prevent yourself putting on another stone than it is to lose a stone.

I understand you fully.

I have a friend who is obese. She eats what she wishes, when she wishes. And as much as she wishes. And really enjoys her food. But she hates how she looks, is bitchy about other woman who are slimmer, and dresses to try to hide her body. She feels shit.

i did gain a lot of weight, went from a ten to an 18, back to a 12 now due to a blood pressure issue I developed. I have to eat sensibly and exercise regularly. I can’t just sit and eat what I want and drink what I want. Its effort. But I’m much happier with my appearance.i also was miserable with how i looked and tried on multiple outfits to see what i could wear. Now I have a choice. I do have occasional take aways , chocolate etc but no more than once or twice a month.

the reality is you pick your poision. She picked fat and the food she liked, I picked less food and the gym, due to medical concerns. We both pay a price for it,

but I’d say overall I’m happier now than I was fat.

If weight loss and maintenance were easy, we'd all be slim.

I'm not going to give you advice on weight loss...there's no shortage of that out there. But I'd advise tackling the unhappiness that seems to be the root of it, and regularly doing exercise you enjoy because that's a mood lifter.

I notice that, as ever, everyone is benchmarking it on dress sizes. Women care about clothes, so it was ever thus. I'd suggest marking it with something more reliable and definite, though, like a tape measure or progress pics.

OP. I resonate so much with everything you've said.
I think I also have an aversion to getting that hunger pang, I hate it so I'm always stuffing my face with crap.

I'm really into some crackers with Philadelphia at the moment and I could finish the whole pack, and then I always want something sweet afterwards!

I have a fizzy drink with my breakfast ffs.

I'm 5ft 2, almost 12 stone. I look terrible.
Fat everywhere, cellulite on my arms! But I just can't seem to stop :(

Food makes me feel so happy when I'm eating it, but then afterwards I look in the mirror and I'm so disappointed in myself. I'm constantly promising myself that 'today is the day I will change ' but it never is. Not for long anyway.

I'm impulsive and I don't know how to stop ✋

I have struggled with food and body image issues all my life.

Someone made a comment to me years ago that has stuck with me ever since, effectively that weight is made up of both a physical and mental number.

There’s the literal number you see on the scale - that’s the physical. Then there’s the mental load you carry because of a weight / body image obsession.

For me, when I was physically skinniest, I was also mentally heaviest. Effectively suffering in silence from an ED. Since having children, I have put on more weight than I am comfortable with. This is also having a mental impact. But I have accepted I will never be my skinniest again and am looking forward to finding a balance at a healthy weight which allows me to enjoy food and be a role model for my babies!

OP You have to decide what matters more. Hopefully there is a happy medium of limiting certain foods while enjoying healthier foods and staying active. I could relate to everything you said- what works for me is being too busy to eat, having other things that bring pleasure, having clothes I want/event to look slim for etc. Istill struggle with it daily though.

But are you kidding yourself?

are takeaways really a treat? It’s usually heavily processed heavily salted, sugared and fatty food.

it does not do your body good, it always gives me indigestion and bloat 😧

as someone who did not grow up in Britain Ido not get the love for takeaways really as it’s never actually nice

you could try cooking together, something nice and tasty and healthier (yet yummy)

I don’t get posts like this, how some people struggle to understand others like something different to them. Clearly take aways are incredibly popular otherwise there would not be so many take away outlets, they need to sell to survive.

and yes people like the taste, or they’d not eat it, or spend money on it,

how hard is it to understand that having someone else do the cooking, and it’s food you enjoy, is a treat for many people?

I am not sure when weight, size or ‘fatness’ became subjective? It is able to be scientifically measured so I don’t think it’s a matter of opinion.

"Fat" has become synonymous with "ugly", "lazy", "worthless" and so on, although it doesn't mean any of those things. So when people say someone isn't fat, very often what they mean is that they aren't repulsive and horrible.

"Obese" is another. People saying they aren't obese because they're a size whatever. Obesity isn't measured by dress size and never has been. It's a medical term for a BMI of 30 or above.

It's always about the clothes and dress sizes.

are takeaways really a treat? It’s usually heavily processed heavily salted, sugared and fatty food.

What do you think makes it taste good?

And I swear, if you start the "I don't understaaaand" bollocks, I'm dismissing you as a troll. The Britain comment is already a bit suss.

Size became subjective when clothes retailers started vanity sizing everything. BMI is reliable for 99% of people, except extreme sportsmen and women.

I wish I knew the answer. I'm lucky that I have a natural limit to my eating and an ability to be active. But I doubt it can be bottled.

If you want sustainable change that will safeguard your future health then you need to change your mindset towards eating and food. So much of the narrative about weight is about looks (especially for women) when it should be about health.

Do you want to be able to go for a walk when you are 60? Do you want to be able to bend over and put your own shoes on when you're 70? Do you want to be able to get up out of a chair by yourself when you are 80?

If you want to live well before you die then you will at some point need to get a grip on your weight and your attitude towards food. The earlier you do this the easier it will be. If you have a spare £99 I'd recommend slimpod or another non-diet intervention to problem eating.

Takeaways are a "treat" like a post-dinner cigarette is a treat.

It isn't vanity sizing. It is size inflation and normalising to the mean. We got bigger, clothes had to adapt along with beds, chairs, doorways and everything else. Plus sizing is madly inconsistent today.

People never want to hear this and always insist it's an industry conspiracy to lie to fat women as if nobody would ever notice, but it isn't. I can't be bothered to get fully into it today, but just believe me. Though I know nobody will. They're bloody wedded to this idea and I truly do not know why.

I know you didn't ask for it; but my advice to you op would be:

1.Seriously, start exercising. It will both keep you healthy and see you well into old age and significantly lift your mood. You'll just feel BETTER in your body, even if it's a bigger body. 20 minute YouTube workout 5 mornings a week is fine -Doesn't have to be time consuming or expensive.

1. Buy some better fitting clothes, doesn't have to be expensive (vinted) but size 14 squeezed into 10-12 is never going to look as good as wearing a 14 or slightly more oversized fit clothes !

I do understand @alphamonkey but you aren’t fat and happy are you? You’re fat and unhappy about it. So you need to change your mindset around food = happiness. Especially the food that is calorie laden.

I have lost two stone this year just by quitting alcohol and cake. I feel a hundred times healthier and can fit back into size 12 clothes comfortably. I eat carefully 80% of the time and this enables me to maintain a reasonable weight aged 58.

@NonPlayerCharacter what do you mean about being a troll and the “Britain” thing being suss?

i moved to the U.K. 20 yrs ago, and I never learned to love the fish snd chips (very very occasionally it is nice but often it is soggy chips and fish in thick greasy batter) the curries (occasionally you get a good one but often has an inch of oil floating on the top), the kebabs (elephant leg processed meat that smells of dog food), the pizza (domino’s is so soggy and greasy and no real flavour)

salt and sugars and fat are not the only things that make food taste good. Chilli, garlic, coriander, spices, lime, herbs etc are more exciting to me

a salty fatty food with nothing else going for it just does not do it to me

I made that point really to show OP that “liking” takeaways or seeing bland greasy food as a “treat” is potentially something that can be unlearned? As not everyone loves this kind of “treat”

and eating healthy can actually be more of a treat

We get it, you don't like unhealthy food, good for you. After 20 years in Britain - actually, just living your life on Earth - you should have worked out that a lot of people do like it and it's precisely the salt, fat and sugar that's addictive.

If 5 paragraphs of performative, self-congratulatory, anti-British horror around takeaways could reverse and permanently re-train tastes and desires, then there wouldn't be an obesity issue.

Where do you live in the uk where the takeaways are so bad, I’ve literally never had an Indian with a whole inch of fat floating on the top. A kebab that smells of dog food, and generally fish and chips are not soggy and thick.

sounds awful. Maybe spend a little more money?

12st can be obese for a woman who's not tall.

5ft1 and 12st is over 30 BMI.

I've never had a takeaway like that either. Not saying they're healthy but no, never seen an inch of oil atop a curry and the chips are only soggy when you've left them too long.

This. I am not much taller and am obese at a size 14. And when I was growing up a size 14 was considered to be really big so it's a surprise to see people on here saying it's fine and normal.

I say this as someone who was plus size and who is now straight size, you can be thin and unhappy and fat and unhappy and the opposite is true. The thing you need to tackle is what makes you happy/ unhappy and how the two relate to one another. If there is a cycle, try and break it.

I did Weight Watchers online only so no meetings and all that jazz. It has been good to me and yes I fall of the wagon but knowing how much happier I am slim means I more often than not get back on the wagon quickly.

Being slimmer doesn’t mean to say that I am any less insulated from the pitfalls of everyday life.

I think menopause has a lot to answer for. I was around 8 stone up until 50 then weight piled on without changing diet. I cut down but still piled on weight. I am now 11.5 stone at nearly 60 5 foot 2. I have just accepted it now. Most of my previous 12/14 clothes fit. I am quite fit with no health problems.