To feel sad my friend got Botox?

[TinklyofLaughSingleofChin]

Now her smile doesn't reach her eyes. I LOVED her smiley eyes, she had a really twinkly grin. I guess she was insecure about her crow's feet and got injections to get rid of them. And now she looks sort of wide-eyed and frozen and it just makes me sad! She doesn't look like herself any more.

She's incredibly naturally beautiful, classic Grace Kelly looks, and an amazing bone structure. So she would have aged beautifully I'm sure, without needing injectables.

I know it's none of my business really. And I'd never say anything negative to her. And I know Botox doesn't last forever and she may well not get it done again. But AIBU at feeling a little bit sad at the loss of my friend's lovely warm smile?

What the hell???

You dyed your hair a colour you didn't want because your mum emotionally manipulated you into it.

The fuck.

@HotGirlInHell I asked her and she told me. She hadn't mentioned it herself. Tbh, I do suit brown hair far, far better and agreed the blonde 'wasn't me'. I was happy she told me the truth instead of lying.

Mouth? And many people don’t do their eyes just a bit in forehead lines.

what a coincidence that all these women making choices ‘for themselves’ are also complying with the idea that a woman’s value is in her appearance and the degree to which she matches cartoon-ish beauty standards in a culture where men still have more power than women.

What. A. Coincidence.

It seems to me we are going backwards in terms of women being valued for more than their looks and youthfulness.

I haven't had any cosmetic work, but I am heavily tattooed and it's just fucking irritating when people pretend to act all sad about other people choosing to do things to their own bodies. My friends don't care that I have loads of tattoos because funnily enough, they're more concerned with my personality than the way I look!

I get feeling a a bit sad that she felt she needed to alter how she looked (though to an extent we all do this with hair cuts and make up- yes I know these aren’t permanent or damaging, but the underlying need to look better/ younger is there in most of us to an extent). But the point is it shouldn’t matter what she looks like to you or anyone else- it’s her view that matters. So mourning the loss of her crinkley smiley eyes feels a bit disingenuous somehow. If she seems happy then who cares really!

But why do you personally give a shit @WinterDeWinter?

Why does each individual woman have to make choices that are a fight back against patriarchal standards? What if, some days, I would like to feel more fresh and awake, and less like I had to single-handedly combat the male gaze?

The fact that you're here slagging off other womens' choices shows you're no true feminist.

But why do you personally give a shit @WinterDeWinter? 

because it affects us all. It affects my daughters - all our daughters. And our sons for that matter.

no one said you had to fight it single-handedly.

You just have to not reinforce it.

So I dyed it back to brown. For her but also for us, as I didn't want anything, no matter how tiny and insignificant, to intrude on her enjoyment of our relationship and her affection for me and ALL she loved about me.

That's really strange It has the same creepy tone as the blurb in the OP about the 'warm smile'. I agree with a pp that it almost sounds like OP is in love with the friend.

The only downside about botox is that it's not without risk. Otherwise it's a personal choice. I think it's obvious to others you've had it done if you go for the frozen, rather than a more natural, look though.

Why 'should' we celebrate aging? I don't fucking want to look older, get older, act older. I'm happy sticking where I am thanks.

Why must we do this disapproving sanctimonious act; fuck it, it's your face and body, do whatever the hell you want with it!

We should celebrate aging as it's a privilege that not everyone is afforded. It's inevitable. Ageing naturally is not ugly, people (mainly women) have been fed this idea for years. We have been made to believe our worth is based on our appearance and we're less of a woman if we have a few wrinkles and some grey hair.
Pumping our bodies full of unregulated, toxic chemicals for "good feels" to conform to the toxic beauty standards of today, is not something that we should be happy with.

The unknown long term effects of these products is a worry and I often wonder of the issues that they will cause in the next few decades, when they start to wear off.

We should celebrate aging as it's a privilege that not everyone is afforded. It's inevitable. Ageing naturally is not ugly, people (mainly women) have been fed this idea for years. We have been made to believe our worth is based on our appearance and we're less of a woman if we have a few wrinkles and some grey hair.

I don't disagree with that. It's a shame it's not as 'acceptable' for women to age as men. Though I don't blame people for trying a bit of botox in delaying the inevitable. It's not all frozen, immobile foreheads but can also give a fresh, less tired look.

YANBU
I don’t get this current trend for changing your appearance. I suspect it’s more common now because camera filters mean we’re more used to seeing ourselves all smoothed out.

A friend of mine did the same and completely lost her spark. She has focused so much on her perceived flaws and seeking perfection that she has lost the parts that those around her love.

It is sad, and no amount of posters saying otherwise will make me believe this fad is anything other than more pressure on women to reach more and more unreasonable expectations on their looks, and a weird need to hide signs of normal aging.

I predict in a few years we’ll look back at this period of lip fillers, Botox and modifying healthy body parts in an uncomfortable, WTF were we thinking kind of way. Like 80s perms but with more scope for permanent and irreversible damage.

It's a bit weird to be sad about one woman's individual decison. Sad generally that we live in an ageist, sexist world where appearance makes a difference to how we are accepted. But sad about one woman's gesture acknowledging this? Odd.

Or we can all do whatever the fuck we want with our own bodies. Given that we spent generations fighting for that type of freedom.

Botox lasts about 16 weeks. And has been around for a couple of decades.

What do you imagine is going to come out once it 'wears off'?

You're moaning about something you don't even know the basics of.

Botox isn't a feminist issue. Just as many men do it too. The frozen look is too much. It won't last. The only comment I ever get was you look well. Plus no more tension headaches.

Moaning? Definitely no moaning from me, just concern over damaging toxic beauty standards.
I've had botox for medical reasons. I'm fully aware of what it is and what it does (short term). If anything, your argument shows that you don't know the basics of it.
A couple of decades is no where near long enough to know the potential long term effects of it. Especially the unregulated stuff that is given by unqualified people in salons etc.

You are very much mistaken if you think these are the freedoms that feminism was fighting for.

Although I'm sure the patriarchy is thrilled that you do.

A choice is not a feminist choice just because it was made by a woman.

So only some women are choosing the right kind of freedoms?

Got it.

Instead of doing what ‘the patriarchy’ wants you to do, even if it is actually what you want to do, you should do what a branch of feminism wants you to do. Swapping one master for another then.

Exactly @notlucreziaborgia 🙄🙄🙄

@HotGirlInHell

”So only some women are choosing the right kind of freedoms?

Got it.”

I mean in theory it surely has to be a correct statement to make that some choices made by individual women for themselves can contribute to something that is not good for women overall? You can argue over which choices are the ones that are ‘right’ or not, but surely you can’t argue that all choices are right just because a woman has freely made them?

Or maybe I’m misunderstanding you.

Personally, in the overall scheme of things we need to worry about as women, Botox isn’t near the top, which is why I wouldn’t comment to a friend who got it and probably isn’t worth me debating online for half a day either!

Have a nice evening.

Same here @MyUsernameIsBetterThanYours time to get Sunday dinner cracking!