To feel sad my friend got Botox?

[TinklyofLaughSingleofChin]

Now her smile doesn't reach her eyes. I LOVED her smiley eyes, she had a really twinkly grin. I guess she was insecure about her crow's feet and got injections to get rid of them. And now she looks sort of wide-eyed and frozen and it just makes me sad! She doesn't look like herself any more.

She's incredibly naturally beautiful, classic Grace Kelly looks, and an amazing bone structure. So she would have aged beautifully I'm sure, without needing injectables.

I know it's none of my business really. And I'd never say anything negative to her. And I know Botox doesn't last forever and she may well not get it done again. But AIBU at feeling a little bit sad at the loss of my friend's lovely warm smile?

this thread reminded me to book an appt for a re-up.

I’m under no illusion that Botox makes me look like a teenager, but I do like the results. Whether anyone else likes the results or not is something I give zero fucks about tbh.

YABU. It's very annoying when other people think they get to decide what looks better on someone else.

I don’t know how far you can take it with that argument. I don’t wear make up for men that’s for sure. It’s because I look like I’ve just been dug up without it. So I’d wear a bit of make up to go to the supermarket, or out with girl friends. Softening a few frown lines doesn’t seem like a big deal.

I love the answer that make out it’s only women getting Botox, my nurse says her ratio of men to women pre pandemic was 20:80 now it’s 35:65 and growing. Maybe there are men out there hiding from their wives 😁

@HotGirlInHell I said as a society, I meant on a society level rather than individual choice. If the money and resources for Botox was directed more towards healthy aging and if as a society we didn’t see wrinkles as a bad thing, do you really think so many people would spend so much money on getting rid of them?

Yes! I really relate to this actually; I know it's Botox time again when the tension headaches start again above my eyes.

But never mine me. Won't someone think of the children! Being reared by expressionless automatons such that they will never be able to understand true human emotion.

And just like that - once again women's own desires around their looks are painted as selfish.

YABVU

And what vast amount of resources do you suppose 'society' is laying out on Botox right now, that would magically be redirected in the exact manner of your personal choosing?

Absolutely this!

Of course choices aren't made in a vacuum.

It doesn't necessarily follow that every choice made is therefore bad for the individual concerned.

Yeah - I even frown in my sleep. I’m a frowny person! Some people aren’t. Botox just makes me look less cross and then strangely I feel less cross..

Patriarchy? Get a grip, maybe she wanted to just do something for herself! Why assume it's for anyone but her? If she's happy that's all that matters!

My friend could have written this. She’s recently had botox - I’ve noticed and so has her other closest friend (she mentioned it to me, not bitching, just surprised).
Neither of us have said anything to her… our friend probably thinks we “would say something if we noticed”, but we haven’t. I’m fairly straight talking, but on this occasion have decided to keep quiet!

Our friend had a really lovely face, it’s still lovely, but now there’s something a bit ‘off’ in her expressions.

Mine is on my face, head and neck. Maybe it's more painful due to them using more/a different profile. Unless I'm more sensitive anyway due to headpain. But honestly it's really painful for me and also due to other possible side effects it was totally a last resort treatment. I'm not sure I'd ever subject myself to it for cosmetic reasons.

Some people do suffer quite bad side effects from it (luckily I haven't and it's better then taking drugs for me).

@MigGirl do you get it for hyperhidrosis?

women are looking young and stretched into their sixties and it does put pressure on the rest of us to do the same, so they don't get left behind looking their age, perish the thought! I know several women who've jumped on the botox wagon, usually at the local hair salon where it's not a doctor or a specialist doing it.

Your friend isn't there to look good in the way you think she should look good.

eyes and mouth often have the same look post botox. They don't look younger, they look botoxed. I wouldn't dream of "noticing" if a friend had it, rude to comment on someone's appearance. (but I can tell when they have!)

If one of my friends had posted something like this about a minor change I’d chosen to make to my appearance, I’d think they were being incredibly creepy and intense and I’d be a bit scared.

Her face, her business. You sound like you’re in love with her and it’s bizarre.

When you look at your face in a mirror it's still and not the same as when you're taking. Animated and expressive. I think that's why people don't notice how it makes their face look a bit weird. We aren't used to seeing our own expressions

Look let’s move this away from Botox for a second. I eat sugary food and I drink alcohol. They are both a big part of our culture, they’re hard to avoid, and I get enjoyment from them. But I can still acknowledge that we’d all be better off if they were less of a feature in our culture and that I’m choosing to participate in that unhealthy culture. Ditto eating meat.

I’m not saying women who get Botox are all evil handmaidens of the patriarchy. I just don’t see why it’s that difficult to be able to say I do X because it makes me feel good but I accept that makes me a little part of a wider problem.

No I don’t die my hair. I don’t wear heels. I do wear a bit of makeup. Maybe the day will come when I’m that unhappy with my wrinkles that I get Botox, who knows, but if I do I’m not going to pretend it’s not a problematic decision.

I have had Botox for years. My forehead is completely line-free. I have to say when I see women around my age with deep lines on their foreheads, I think ‘a bit of Botox would be great on you’ which is just as bad as the people that say ‘why did you do that?’ to people that have it.

Fo whatever makes you feel good. If that’s nothing at all, good for you.

Can’t believe what a hard time you’re getting OP. Your friend has a different looking face, your warmth and love for her comes over in the way you describe her and now she looks different. Of course that’s a bit jarring and sad for you. You will get used to it. I have to wonder if the ones who’ve bitten back so aggressively perhaps are ladies who are very into their Botox and other treatments and take it personally. And I’ve felt exactly the same when I saw someone I loved with lip fillers, they honestly looked daft, did I say anything? Of course not, and neither will you because we don’t say things that hurt feelings unless they’re truly necessary. Yanbu to feel this way at all.

I get what you're saying OP...you can't help feeling this way about someone you feel so much affection for. The twinkly eyes were part of that. My husband has the same adorable twinkly eyes when he smiles and I would feel a sense of some loss if he were to Botox them away. His eyes draw me in and we're one of the first things I loved about him.

Years ago I bleached my hair blonde...not a big deal but my mum seemed so sad about it. I asked her why and she, 'it's just not you'. So I dyed it back to brown. For her but also for us, as I didn't want anything, no matter how tiny and insignificant, to intrude on her enjoyment of our relationship and her affection for me and ALL she loved about me.

Really no creases at all. Sounds fabulous. Mine isn't that good. Best thing I have not had one stress headache since having it done