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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend getting engaged right after other friend's wedding.

320 replies

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 18:49

I’m curious to who you think is wrong here. For reference I’m neither person in the scenario but I am friends with both and feeling quite in the middle of the drama! Hmm

Friend A - had a wedding abroad, beautiful destination. Invited friends and family but understood if others couldn’t make it due to the cost etc. most people ended up coming and all stayed a week or so.

Friend B - came to friend A’s wedding with her boyfriend of 3 years. enjoyed the wedding together and then continued the remaining 3 days on the holiday with the boyfriend. boyfriend proposes on the last night of the holiday, friend says yes, very happy etc

Friend A is angry that it’s taken away the ‘spotlight’, so to speak, and that they’ve got engaged just a few days after the wedding.

Friend B thinks friend A is being unreasonable as this was also their once a year holiday, they spent a lot of money to come to the wedding and the boyfriend was planning to propose on whatever holiday they went on this year anyway.

So what do you think? Is Friend A being unreasonable for being upset?

YABU - Friend A shouldn’t be upset, Friend B is right

YANBU - Friend A is right to be upset about the situation

OP posts:
x2boys · 09/12/2023 20:46

Pinko1 · 09/12/2023 20:43

I think to announce it when at another wedding is poor form really

I agree if it was the wedding ,three days after the wedding though not so much.

Behindyouiam · 09/12/2023 20:48

Pinko1 · 09/12/2023 20:43

I think to announce it when at another wedding is poor form really

The wedding had finished, three days prior.

tinytemper66 · 09/12/2023 20:49

My sister got engaged the day after my wedding...

Nicole1111 · 09/12/2023 20:50

Sounds like friend a would benefit from having some kind of therapy

TomatoSandwiches · 09/12/2023 20:54

tinytemper66 · 09/12/2023 20:49

My sister got engaged the day after my wedding...

Doctor Help GIF by Apple TV+

And how did that make you feel?

scrunch22 · 09/12/2023 20:54

I can't believe anyone would be as cringe enough to actually vocalise that thought! A is out of order

Nanaof1 · 09/12/2023 20:56

MaidOfSteel · 09/12/2023 19:14

I'm with friend B. A is being ridiculous.

As a matter of interest,hiow long does friend A think her own personal spotlight should be switched on before any of her attendees are allowed to have anything good happen?? A month. Six months. A year?

You just know that "Friend A" will be having fits if anyone else gets pregnant or has a wedding within 2 years of her pregnancy.

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 09/12/2023 20:57

Friend A is a muppet

DappledThings · 09/12/2023 21:01

Friend A is an idiot and will hopefully grow up and realise that at some point.

DH proposed to me 3 days before a wedding where lots of our friends would be. When we got there on the Friday night he apologised to the bride saying he hadn't thought about it and didn't want to steal any thunder. She told him not to be so daft, she was full of joy for herself and delighted to have more joy to partake in. It was lovely. And very normal.

I would have been delighted if anyone else had good news at my wedding.

Also OP you cannot be bias. Bias is a noun. You can be biasED or demonstrate bias.

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 21:05

Friend A could quite reasonably be annoyed if the boyfriend had arranged for one of the flash mob choirs to arrive at the venue just as she was about to cut the cake and sing a song of love to friend B. He then did a rehearsed dance with a chorus of scantily clad backing dancers and proposed. Proposing on the last night doesn't seem much of an issue really.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/12/2023 21:06

In my friend group there was a situation where friend B’s boyfriend proposed on the night of friend A’s destination wedding (not at the reception, but afterwards). Friend A was absolutely delighted when she heard and went around saying how happy she was that there was so much love around.

Conclusion: my friend A is so much nicer than yours

This was 20 years ago though so maybe etiquette is different now

I don't think it's anything to do with change of etiquette. It's that people are much more self-obsessed now. See Also: Insta.

InefficientProcess · 09/12/2023 21:08

None of the group really agree with A. You know that. Some of them just don’t want to say they think she’s being ridiculous because presumably they’ve got experience of her being a nightmare.

Andthereyougo · 09/12/2023 21:09

A normal reaction would be Congratulations, romance was definitely in the air that week. Friend A is taking bridezilla to a new level.

Humbugg · 09/12/2023 21:15

Friend A is crazy

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 09/12/2023 21:21

Oh FGS. Friendship groups and "dramas". Are you all grown women, or Year 8s? Who can actually be arsed with any of this stuff?

And what did Friend B not even having had her nails done have to do with her boyfriend proposing?

Idontgiveashitanymore · 09/12/2023 21:23

Friend A needs to get over herself. The wedding was over !

WhereIsBebèsChambre · 09/12/2023 21:23

A is bonkers!!

FormerlySpeckledyHen · 09/12/2023 21:24

Friend A is bonkers. Congratulations friend B.

WhateverMate · 09/12/2023 21:25

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 19:46

I didn't mean it in the sense that I'm 50/50. I just meant I'm in the middle of all the drama as we're one big friendship group. Maybe I worded it wrong haha. But I agree!

Show quote history

You're only in the middle of it because you're happy to place yourself there amongst the 'drama'.

Otherwise you'd simply tell friend A they're wrong, and that's the end of it.

Emotionalsupportviper · 09/12/2023 21:25

HermioneWeasley · 09/12/2023 18:50

Friend A is ridiculous and needs to get over herself

This!

Friend A has had her moment in the spotlight - Friend B has every right to accept a proposal .

sandyhappypeople · 09/12/2023 21:27

I couldn’t see myself getting upset about something like this personally, it’s time to pass the baton and I’d be happy for my friend, but I can imagine someone who’s lived and breathed wedding for 1-2 years being disappointed it’s all over and a bit put out that something new has taken it’s place before their holiday is even over.. but really, it hasn’t at all, she sounds like she’s just looking to blame someone for the way she’s feeling, maybe someone needs to have a bit of a word with her to talk it out rather then picking ‘sides’.

martinisforeveryone · 09/12/2023 21:27

Friend A is a Post-Bridezilla.

TheBeatles · 09/12/2023 21:27

CurlyhairedAssassin · 09/12/2023 21:06

In my friend group there was a situation where friend B’s boyfriend proposed on the night of friend A’s destination wedding (not at the reception, but afterwards). Friend A was absolutely delighted when she heard and went around saying how happy she was that there was so much love around.

Conclusion: my friend A is so much nicer than yours

This was 20 years ago though so maybe etiquette is different now

I don't think it's anything to do with change of etiquette. It's that people are much more self-obsessed now. See Also: Insta.

No, I don’t think so either, I was being slightly sarcastic as well as obtuse. Of course you had no way of knowing this!

housethatbuiltme · 09/12/2023 21:31

Friend A is unreasonable... if it was AT the wedding then B would be an asshole but 3 days later? nah destination weddings don't mean the WHOLE time away is your wedding, you still just get your ONE day the rest of the time is THEIR holiday.

My best friend got engaged a few weeks after my wedding to her boyfriend of a few months, she was clearly VERY excited about my wedding (she had never been to one before and was very open about it). She then even asked me to help her plan hers as mine was so great and asked if she could 'copy' several bits of my wedding etc... if anything I'm flattered she loved it so much and I was just happy she was happy.

FOTTFSOFTFOASM · 09/12/2023 21:34

You're only in the middle of it because you're happy to place yourself there amongst the 'drama'.

Otherwise you'd simply tell friend A they're wrong, and that's the end of it

Nodding along.