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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend getting engaged right after other friend's wedding.

320 replies

toddlermam · 09/12/2023 18:49

I’m curious to who you think is wrong here. For reference I’m neither person in the scenario but I am friends with both and feeling quite in the middle of the drama! Hmm

Friend A - had a wedding abroad, beautiful destination. Invited friends and family but understood if others couldn’t make it due to the cost etc. most people ended up coming and all stayed a week or so.

Friend B - came to friend A’s wedding with her boyfriend of 3 years. enjoyed the wedding together and then continued the remaining 3 days on the holiday with the boyfriend. boyfriend proposes on the last night of the holiday, friend says yes, very happy etc

Friend A is angry that it’s taken away the ‘spotlight’, so to speak, and that they’ve got engaged just a few days after the wedding.

Friend B thinks friend A is being unreasonable as this was also their once a year holiday, they spent a lot of money to come to the wedding and the boyfriend was planning to propose on whatever holiday they went on this year anyway.

So what do you think? Is Friend A being unreasonable for being upset?

YABU - Friend A shouldn’t be upset, Friend B is right

YANBU - Friend A is right to be upset about the situation

OP posts:
WhateverMate · 09/12/2023 23:34

SheerLucks · 09/12/2023 23:20

Oh dear. I was one of the very few who thought friend A was justified, but my DH says that apparently people proposing at other people's weddings is quite common...

What does proposing at someone else's wedding have to do with it?

That wasn't what happened.

LaurieStrode · 10/12/2023 01:58

SheerLucks · 09/12/2023 23:20

Oh dear. I was one of the very few who thought friend A was justified, but my DH says that apparently people proposing at other people's weddings is quite common...

He didn't do that. Ffs.

Nanaof1 · 10/12/2023 04:06

Iwasafool · 09/12/2023 21:05

Friend A could quite reasonably be annoyed if the boyfriend had arranged for one of the flash mob choirs to arrive at the venue just as she was about to cut the cake and sing a song of love to friend B. He then did a rehearsed dance with a chorus of scantily clad backing dancers and proposed. Proposing on the last night doesn't seem much of an issue really.

I would love to be watching that proposal!

Nanaof1 · 10/12/2023 04:29

ModestMoon · 09/12/2023 22:16

I was friend B! Got engaged a few days after my best friend's wedding abroad, me and DH had taken a few days to go and have our own holiday in that country after the wedding celebrations and he proposed. It was also our yearly holiday. I rang my best friend, who was on her honeymoon, to tell her before I told anyone else. She was delighted, laughed and said she was so happy that DH had the sense to realise that she couldn't be a married woman all on her lonsesome. She loves that we're part of each other's wedding stories, because we are friends and we love each other. I can honestly say that it had never occured to me that anyone would be annoyed. Do they own the entire month of their wedding?

As it turned out two years later we also got pregnant within three weeks of each other (her first) so there is still time for friend B to piss off friend A even more.

I already have that story worked out. Friend "A" gets pregnant in January, 2025. Before she has announced she is pregnant, Friend "B" gets pregnant. Friend "B" announces the day before Friend "A" surprise party where she was to announce her pregnancy. Friend "A" throws a tantrum of epic proportions and tells Friend "B that she needs to terminate and not get pregnant for two more years or she will steal the spotlight from self-important self. Friend "B" tells "A" to get a life and laughs at her. "A" finds out that "B" is not due until three weeks after she is due. "A" clings to that tiny thread and tells everyone how she will be first, the leader and how everyone has just copied her glory!

"A" is due October 10th and "B" is due October 31st. But, as life will laugh, "A"'s baby is not born on the 10th. Or the 11th. On the 12th, "B" goes into early labor. "A" rushes to the hospital, NOT to support "B", but to tell "B" that she must not give birth until she has and to cross her legs, take drugs or ignore the contractions until "A" gives permission, which will be at least 24 hours after "A" brings forth her bundle of joy and unrealistic future expectations.

"B" unleashes the pent-up fury of the years of abuse from "A", yells profanities not yet found in the dictionary, and with one push, out pops "B's" baby and not only did she give birth first, she has a boy, which is what "A" is expecting!

The restraining orders against "A" will be in effect until "B's" child reaches eighteen.

Friend "A" finally gives birth on October 17th after 27 hours of labor. Two years later, still hasn't forgiven the child for being late, so they have had trouble bonding. She finally did reach her "me first" status when she was the first of the group to divorce. She blames "B" for this, as usual.

The end.

Sceptre86 · 10/12/2023 04:35

I can see both sides. A had her day but if people stayed on at the hotel for example after the wedding or were still meeting up then you'd expect the chat to still be about the wedding and how lovely it was plus A would be caught up in that after wedding bubble.

I can see that she would be annoyed if B was proposed to at that venue and so all the chatter turned to their engagement and how excited they were. Not saying its rational of course but you can see how a newlywed caught up in that bubble might feel like it was taking the limelight away from their recent wedding.

If I was B and a good friend I simply wouldn't have announced my engagement until I got home. I'd have enjoyed that time on holiday and announced once I got back home, sharing with my own family first.

I don't think it's a big enough deal to fall out over but it sounds like both women were caught up in their own excitement and didn't give the other any thought.

justanothermanicmonday1 · 10/12/2023 04:39

Friend A is absolutely mental and needs to take a long hard look at herself if this is the sort of rubbish she's actually concerned over. Is she that self involved? Seriously? Id be embarrassed if I was her new husband.

WaltzingWaters · 10/12/2023 04:43

Friend A sounds incredibly entitled. Wedding was over and they were enjoying their holiday.

Behindyouiam · 10/12/2023 07:52

Sceptre86 · 10/12/2023 04:35

I can see both sides. A had her day but if people stayed on at the hotel for example after the wedding or were still meeting up then you'd expect the chat to still be about the wedding and how lovely it was plus A would be caught up in that after wedding bubble.

I can see that she would be annoyed if B was proposed to at that venue and so all the chatter turned to their engagement and how excited they were. Not saying its rational of course but you can see how a newlywed caught up in that bubble might feel like it was taking the limelight away from their recent wedding.

If I was B and a good friend I simply wouldn't have announced my engagement until I got home. I'd have enjoyed that time on holiday and announced once I got back home, sharing with my own family first.

I don't think it's a big enough deal to fall out over but it sounds like both women were caught up in their own excitement and didn't give the other any thought.

How many things new can anyone one say what a nice wedding it was? Three days later and still be talking about it? What happened to the days wedding was on Saturday and we were back at work Monday living our normal lives?

Mumof2teens79 · 10/12/2023 07:57

A reasonable person would be ecstatic and over the moon for their friend even if tge proposal came at the wedding reception itself.

I would only be upset if they interrupted the formal part of the wedding to propose or anounce

tinytemper66 · 10/12/2023 07:59

@TomatoSandwiches it sounds silly now but I did feel it took the glow from
Me, especially as we had to postpone our wedding due to a bereavement. It is 30 years ago but still think about it on the odd occasion. In their defence, her husband must have got carried away and they have been married for just under 30 yrs now. They didn't do it for malice.

Fraaahnces · 10/12/2023 08:06

Someone is having a very hard time adjusting to no longer being the Princess Bride. She needs to be told that her wedding was over the minute the reception was. After that it’s a holiday for everyone.

pizzaHeart · 10/12/2023 08:09

And what was A’s reasoning? Why exactly she was upset?

WhickDittington · 10/12/2023 08:10

Friend A is being unreasonable.

How limited is her life that another friend becoming engaged takes “the spotlight”? I just feel sorry that Friend A’s life is so thin and impoverished.

Pipsquiggle · 10/12/2023 08:17

SheerLucks · 09/12/2023 23:20

Oh dear. I was one of the very few who thought friend A was justified, but my DH says that apparently people proposing at other people's weddings is quite common...

@SheerLucks

That isn't what happened though. Friend B's DP proposed a few days later, just the 2 of them.

If friend B's DP had proposed on the dance floor of Friend A's wedding reception, I am absolutely positive everyone would be Team Friend A and be telling friend B's DP what an absolute bell end he was for pulling a stunt like that on someone else's special day

Pipsquiggle · 10/12/2023 08:21

Mumof2teens79 · 10/12/2023 07:57

A reasonable person would be ecstatic and over the moon for their friend even if tge proposal came at the wedding reception itself.

I would only be upset if they interrupted the formal part of the wedding to propose or anounce

@Mumof2teens79

I think it's really poor form to propose at someone else's wedding. I think most people would be annoyed at that.

Iloveacurry · 10/12/2023 08:25

Friend A is being ridiculous obviously!

bitofashit · 10/12/2023 08:51

Friend A is a twat.

StrictlyComeSnoozing · 10/12/2023 09:34

Friend A is a dickhead. It didn't even happen on their wedding day.

Mumof2teens79 · 10/12/2023 09:55

Pipsquiggle · 10/12/2023 08:21

@Mumof2teens79

I think it's really poor form to propose at someone else's wedding. I think most people would be annoyed at that.

Show quote history

I don't see an issue if its a private moment ( and I think all proposals should be, I am not a fan of public proposals)
A private moment at an occasion that celebrates love and romance....you are assuming it's planned in advance where as I am imagining a spur of the moment impulse popping the question.
It would be poor form to make a public anouncement but not to actually ask your partner or agree.

Itsbritneybitch22 · 10/12/2023 09:59

Friend A is a weirdo and is gonna announce her pregnancy at friend B wedding I can see it now just for pay back.

WillowTit · 10/12/2023 10:00

did they do a big announcement on the beach?

Glitterblue · 10/12/2023 10:03

Friend A needs to get over herself. Her wedding is done. I could understand it if he’d proposed during the reception or the day before and announced it at the wedding but they did neither of those things. Other people’s lives still go on when people get married!

WillowTit · 10/12/2023 10:04

do we know about the announcement?

i am seeing friend A's point of view but she should keep it to herself and not loudly complain, very childish

TheFireflies · 10/12/2023 10:20

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/12/2023 20:21

But is the last night of her wedding holiday the only time to say "your big day is over"? I think it would have shown more grace for B to announce it after they were back home.

Show quote history

Wedding holidays aren’t a thing. People travelled to attend the wedding day. Because they’d had to make the effort to travel so far - for which the bride should be grateful - they naturally chose to incorporate it into their own holiday. And it’s during that time that they became engaged. Zero to do with the wedding.

Mariposista · 10/12/2023 10:31

I feel sorry for friend A’s new husband.
MEEE MEEE MEEE ITS ALL ABOUT MEEEEEE